Yeah drinking is the issue for her to try and hide her pain. She asked me out last night and we went to the local casino. Everything was ok until the alcohol kicks in. Then she becomes a different person, hot then cold, then so arrogantly social it even gets offensive to others. It’s like she is trying to always have the spot light on her. At this point it is not just us but me her and the strangers that she is telling our sitch to. So much for fun with just us.
Seeing her getting to a tipping point I get her to walk out with me. Again hot then cold, your sexy, we’re gonna be alright then right to do you know how bad you hurt me 18 years ago for this and 10 years ago for that, things like not helping her move out of her marital home when she divorced and we were only dating. Things my family said, etc etc etc. everything’s my is my fault.
So angry on the way home was hitting me kicking and breaking stuff in the car. We both went to our separate rooms and slept only to have her come in my room 5 hours later crying and saying what happened and she can’t drink like that.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Why are you putting yourself in situations with her where she is going to drink (e.g. going out to a casino?) Nothing good is going to come out of these drunken conversations, and it seems like things could definitely blow up. It sounds like she has a serious problem with the drinking. Breaking things, talking about the MR with strangers, she seems out of control.
Obviously you can't control her drinking but you can establish your own boundaries so that you don't talk to her when she is like that. Read the detachment thread - you have to let her take responsibility for her own problems, you can't fix her.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Don’t know, seemed harmless but she spirals so quickly. She is putting in some effort but the drinking causes nightmare sitches. Learning daily if she is trying or this is just plan B until her and OM makeup. Today is me day so I won’t be around for anything like that to happen. Maintaining GAL, but will allow piecing with boundaries moving forward.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
We made an agreement to not fight yesterday or walk away if anything starts going bad. We actually went out and had a few drinks and met up with some new people at a new place. I think that helped a lot because that new environment was different for both of us and no history was talked about. It was definitely a better night but I am still going at it with no expectations. I know there will be a relapse with OM at some point but hopefully this was a step in the right direction.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I'm not sure what to do about it, but something needs to be done on the drinking. You're obviously in a very delicate spot too. I hope someone with more experience will come along to comment, my W is similar to yours in regards to alcohol.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Not much I can do but help limit it when we are together, sometimes she gets going too fast but other times I can help her manage. She is definitely self medicating but on the good side she has backed off the drugs. I think her connections including OM are thinking of she goes down they will go with her at some point. One of her main attractions was the OMs access to drugs so maybe if she can get past that there will be no desire to pursue him any more.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
So this is the first weekend in 6 weeks that WW has been home. Of course because she was fighting with OM since Monday, probably because of her drinking, or who knows. Well she was making the play for me all weekend and I did my best but of course failed. It is so hard when it is someone that you shared so much time with but I know it meant nothing to her except a security blanket right now.
No R talk, just talk about life, jobs, kids. Limited GAL this weekend, bad weather, ran around with son and his activities but also hung out with W on Sat to get food...and drinks. Looking back at the week, she was drinking heavily Tues, Wed I think, Thurs, Fri and Sat. I know she is hurting because of spat with OM and know 100% she will be back with him soon. Although it appears to be a step back from this weekend because we were together Friday and Sat I can admit that the detachment has been working for me because I don't have the pit in my stomach or pain from being intimate with her, knowing it will only be a matter of time before she is running around again.
I said before it is easier when she is not here and not a temptation. I twice left situations to go to my room and twice was pursued by her as she ended up in my bed. I was once told better me than OM but I can tell my feelings for her are slipping further and further away. I guess I'm still a little mixed up but back to my FT GAL this week.
Last edited by lost8; 09/24/1801:48 PM.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
and now its back to the typical weekday BS....anger about her bills and everything I did because I separated bank accounts, etc...everything I did to get us to this point over the last 18 years all via text.
You know what she is getting from me?............
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I've got a copy of No More Mr NG coming. Anyone have any good takeaways from reading this? I seem to hit a lot of the characteristics of a NG and think this could help me a lot.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
