Not quite sure yet. I might see if he can be to watch the baby tomorrow at a certain time so I can go get a massage or something. But let him think I’m going to happy hour. Which I could do, I just don’t think drinking is smart right now. Sunday I will probably go to church again with the baby. Nothing else planned but I’m sure there will be things to do.
Have you read Steve's thread about GAL? It has some great info.
Church is always a good thing. Do they have any small groups you can join? Just a thought.
Maybe rearrange your furniture. If you have any photos of your H on the walls. I'd take them down and box them up.
Time to think of Kech and baby-kech.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I’ll have to read the thread. I’ve been rearranging the house one room at a time and I love doing that. I took pics down of H back in April when he first left. He never brought it up until recently, he said when I took down the photos he felt like I really wanted to get rid of him...:
No clue how he sees it like that when I see it like all of this has been because of his choices. But whatever!
Just my nightly update. He showed up late around 7:30. He texted at 7 saying he was on the way and then called to make sure that was ok.
I was finishing up feeding the baby when he got there and he was freshly groomed with a new haircut and like he had just showered. Immediately I’m annoyed by this because I think to myself, who is he getting his haircut for?
I told him it looked really nice, because it did, and he said thanks and that he finally found a good barber. When he sat down I could smell alcohol on him immediately. So he’s showing up late on a day when he had time to go get his haircut and get showered and drink all before coming to see D. Beyond frustrating. He told me he is working an hour and a half away right now so he will be over around the same time tomorrow and Saturday night. Of course I think he’s lying but again; believe none of what they say. Oh well, more time For me with daughter, and I’ll be sure to look amazing when he shows up. nothing I can do about anything he does as long as he’s communicating with me about times to see daughter. So I said ok.
I really pulled back tonight. Mostly out of sadness. Him coming in with a brand new haircut truly upsets me. He was doing this when seeing the first OW. He’s trying to look nice for someone else and that hurts. And here I am changing out of shorts before he comes over because he’s upset he thinks IM wearing them for someone else. What is wrong with us?
He’s in a great mood and nice as can be tonight. Clearly because he’s had a nice fun day of a haircut, drinking and now hanging with his daughter. And prob meeting back up with OW as soon as he leaves. I read today from Neffer’s post that not all WS are living it up and having fun, a lot of them are suffering emotionally from everything. But when my H comes in how he did tonight, seems like he has no worry in the world!! He seems happy as ever!
He was giving D a bath and started talking to me about something going on in his family. I sat down and listened and said a few things and then got up to head out. He really could not care less about what I’m doing. He is living it up.
Clearly I’m doing a GREAT job taking all my focus off him (sarcasm). I can see now why he was getting frustrated when I seemed so happy all the time. Because right now he seems very happy and I feel super frustrated about it. He just sent me a video of the baby, which I do appreciate when he does. But im Not going to respond. I’m too busy getting my sweat on at the gym SO I CAN ROCK MY SHORTS. hahaha
Do you feel there is anything your W could have done that would have assisted in you returning to her, or did it all need to play out? Over all, how long were you wayward before ultimately deciding to really make it work at home?
I had a two years on-off relation with OW, a coworker. My W didn´t knew about that until OW called her...The moment W knew about my AP she went on three days trip to figure out things. I stayed at home (puss in boots sad eyed state) taking care of S. I knew what I did was wrong, but I was in love with OW, she was the love of my life, my soul mate...but I struggle with conflicting emotions about leaving my family. EA/APs are not unbiased counselers...
My W was ready to go on with her life...I chose my family. But my mind was inmersed in AP fog. Then I found this site and Sandi´s posts...so here I am. As Sandi says, love is not the first feeling that comes back when you are piecing. It´s respect. You need to get H´s respect back. But you can control what you can control: yourself.
Let him go if you want him back. Face your fears, if not, they paralyse you.
You need to detach some more. You must be stand for yourself, confident about what you have. H must do some inner work to discover what he wants. It´s his voyage, it takes time and will power.
You must live your life. Keep DBing
Sending you a big hug
(((Kech)))
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Notice, kech, what neffer said: "My W was ready to go on with her life...I chose my family." Do not think that part B had everything to do with part A!! You have to be ready, REALLY READY NOT FAKE READY, in order to for him to choose. If you keep hanging on he will keep one foot in and one foot out. kech, you may not want to hear this, but the day may come where YOU choose to file for D. It might need to come to that.
When my W found out I talked to a lawyer, she wasn't dumb. She knew the lawyer would push me to be the one to file. Why? because filing has advantages. She knew that if I took the step to talk to a lawyer the next logical conclusion was for me to file for D. AND, it was matching up to my actions (I was showing her I was ready to move on). But doing that in a fake way the WAS will detect it every time. So you have to commit to it, not bluff.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
What Steve said....I filed first and was not ready, had not even been to this site...fast forward 2 weeks after filing and I withdrew the petition. Caused a lot of hurt for both of us and put my WW in a position of control because she knew she could do what she wanted now. I have much better responses from her since starting DBing and am much happier in my sitch even though an A exists.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Thank you all. Another rough morning over here. Cant get it out of my head how happy he seemed yesterday and how great he looked all of a sudden. Even though he reeked of booze. I have been thinking I may end up being the one saying I want a D. But it isnt true, and I have been told so many times not to say things unless I am truly willing to go through with it. So its very hard. I dont want a divorce, But would say it in hopes to give him a kick in the a*s and hopefully get his a*s in gear. And then if it didnt work and he just agreed, I dont really know what I would do.
I keep doing this though. I keep telling myself I need to be patient, and then when we have a stagnant couple of days that seem to be in limbo, I feel like I need to make a move of some sort so he wakes up. I dont know. Maybe someone can answer for me, how long did you guys go with not much happening? Like how many days would go by with no drama, not much talking, kind of just limbo? I find it that a few days of that and I start to feel really sad. Did you guys have days, weeks, months like that? Of just letting go and kind of letting them just enjoy their life and just kind of have very little communication and let your situation with them sit on the backburner for a bit?
I dont know if I am making sense, im just curious of how long could go by without a discussion of anything between WS and LBS. We dont necessarily talk about our R at all, but it seems like lately hes either apologizing for how he handled it, or hes bringing up Divorce, or hes just plain angry, or were getting along and hes asking if I want anything from the store, like it just has seemed (in my head) like every few days things were stirred up in one way or another, and right now is the first time its been a few days and things have just been very calm, not much contact, and he seems happy as a clam. And I feel pretty crappy. Is this what you mean Steve when you say give it time? Is it days of really no action whatsoever between LBS and WS and possibly months and just giving them their time to do what they want?
I guess im starting to see that the LIMBO of it all is what kills me the most. The idea that were just separated and were not arguing, were not getting along amazingly, were just kind of stagnant in this separation, only communicating about the baby VERY rarely, and in my head all I can imagine is he is creating his own life outside of us and I am just losing my mind. Finding I dont have as much patience as I thought.
