Hi Kech, your day today sounds like mine! I can't remember if I've responded to your thread in the past but there seem to be quite a few of us who have husbands that left after we had kids. Most husbands seems like great committed dads who are team players but in rare cases having kids seems to trigger something in husbands that causes them to regress, become selfish, seek affection from women outside the marriage, and ultimately abandon their wife and new baby. Perhaps it's jealousy, depression, or they were never all that committed and when life got tough they weren't able to rise to the occasion. It's hard to know, but it seems like the most cruel and unforgivable action to abandon one's wife soon after she has a child. You have every right to feel lonely and to miss your old life with your husband. When this happened to me, my therapist at the time said "give it eight weeks and he'll be back." After exactly eight weeks my husband returned but the marriage was never fixed and he left again. Your situation started recently and you found this board so you still have a lot of time and opportunities for your marriage to be fixed although it'll never be quite the same. The resentment, mistrust, and traumatic memories are hard to erase. At the same time the innocent child you have needs you more than ever. My daughter was a baby when my husband left but now she's four and her personality has been formed. She understands everything around her now and even anticipates my reactions when my husband calls. There's a lot to think about. Perhaps the best you can do right now is prepare yourself for the various outcomes to this situation and to try accept that temporarily you and your baby will be bonding one-on-one while you wait to see what happens.
Thanks Nicole. I appreciate you taking the time to write on here about my sitch. The Bd was actually about a year ago, but we didn’t actually separate until April, and then I let him back and didn’t really have him leave until about 3 weeks-1 month ago now. I’m just really struggling this weekend. I’m taking the baby to church here shortly, and H will be over after to spend time with daughter, since he missed last night, and I just want to say to him WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
I know sandi’s rules say not to, no matter how you’re feeling. But I’m feeling so hopeless right now and just feel like I’m faking that I’m fine everytime he’s around, I don’t know how he will ever know that I really really want him back. I just want to ask him what the hell happened to him. Who this OW is, stop denying it, and be open with me. I’m so afraid he will fall in love with her, if he hasn’t already. I’m just really sad this weekend and don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel of all this. My life feels like it’s someone else’s. Maybe I’m just coming to terms with what’s really happening and hopefully I’m getting through the Fire.
I was so tempted to text him last night and say for him to just come sleep here. Part of me thinks he would. Part of me fears id be rejected. I didn’t do it of course. And because of sandis rules I won’t say anything today. I just wish I felt hope right now and could feel ok but I don’t.
I have a question, do I tell him I know he doesn’t sleep at his best friends house? Or do I just stay quiet on the subject and say nothing like I have been?
I have a question, do I tell him I know he doesn’t sleep at his best friends house? Or do I just stay quiet on the subject and say nothing like I have been?
Check out NicoleR’s thoughts on ovrrnbw’s thread. He is the H but maybe that applies to WHs too?
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
I will definitely check that out after church thanks! If I can’t read it over prior to seeing H, (he will be at our house by the time I get home), does it lean towards me telling him I know or not saying anything? Any suggestions welcome!
How long do I allow this freedom and for him to continue this relationship with OW before I just say I want a D? I don’t know how long I can do this. This limbo period of separation feels absolutely horrendous. He didn’t come see daughter last night because his friend hurt himself on their job and he said he had to take him to the ER. Then he sent me a pic of his friend in the hospital and told me what happened, but I know he went on with his night out drinking with the OW. I just don’t know how long I can live like this. I feel like I’m in absolute hell and like he just thinks he’s got his OW to have a relationship with and then on the other side he’s got me being civil and friendly and he gets to see his daughter and it’s just all the best case scenario for him. He’s getting to solidify his relationship with OW everyday and there’s nothing I can do about it. I have to just stand by and be the lighthouse and I feel like I just want to break down. I won’t, but I feel like it.
So many times in church I had to hold back the tears. I miss my H so much.
