I don't like the lying Steve, so I'm going to go the route of not telling her how I know from here out.
She just called me this morning and asked if I was OK with her going out with her friends tonight. I said "I don't care", which is true if it's just friends. But pre BD, she didn't do this. And she doesn't have a good track record of telling the truth in the last 6 months. I am a little worried. If she doesn't come home, that wouldn't be good. I'm not sure how to proceed here.
She did mention rebuilding a retaining wall and a grill table I talked about building for tomorrow. So obviously I don't know her intentions and we didn't have a ton of interactions this week, but even if we did I wouldn't trust her yet.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
There´s no need to lie Over. Just not revealing the source, there´s a difference. You need to reset that transparency boundary. If there´s no honesty then there´s nothing, I´m sorry.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Yes O, to mend MR you need some kind of commitment...from her side too...
I´m on my 2nd year OW free. There´s no contact at all. My W get sometimes suspicious about me, I know her. We have been together 24 years. It´ok, I hurt her badly. It gives peace to my mind to be honest with her. No more lies.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Hi Ovrrnbw, I'm trying to follow your situation but it's hard to tell what's happening. Are you and your wife officially back together and trying to reconcile? If so then hopefully she won't mind telling you where she's going tonight and when she'll be back. That would be the least she could do to start demonstrating her commitment to rebuilding the marriage.
Officially, I guess we are. She said something last week when she was trying to talk me into going to her parents house: that she thought I would go b/c we are "back together now". I said "we are"? It doesn't feel like it we are. I mean she's slept next to me for over 3 weeks straight now. So that's a big 180 for her. But we don't talk a whole lot, or hug and kiss. She does text me throughout the day.
I am worried about where she's at, who she's with, and I don't think she'll be coming home tonight. But I think I need to redefine that to her as what a healthy R looks like: - no excessive boozing - no staying out all night - we know who each other is with, where each other is. - no more negative attitudes - etc, etc, etc
I'm going to look at my phone app in the morning to see where she went. And we'll see if she lies about it.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
And I'm going to pull my hair out. I waited until the morning to look at the app, W is back at OM's apt. Now, what to do?
-tell her to pack up and move out -back to no contact -tell her this is wrong, more lies and cheating -sit tight, do nothing yet
She told me yesterday she was going out with friends and that she'd be home today and wanted to do some stuff. I just can't believe how dumb she thinks I am.
Also, a little aggravated that this happened again. I'm don't want to take her back while she has Snapchat app on her phone.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
You have to take back your respect here. If you aren't okay sharing your W with OM than you need to draw a boundary with actual consequences. She is cake-eating right now. Why would you wait? She is lying and cheating and disrespecting you. Do you want to share a bed or house with a person like that?
If you let her, she's just going to keep doing this. Remember, you can't nice her back.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
You have to let go, (all the way). No more just giving her stipulations if she does as you ask. She is cake eating and stringing you along. Telling you, what she thinks you want to hear. No more Mr. Nice guy.
Dont tell her to pack her things. Pack them for her and show her the door. She is doing whatever she wants, and she deosnt care how it makes you feel. But guess what you have options. You can decide to present your evidence, and tell her you are done with her crap.
Move forward with your life. No more allowing her to disrespect you. Start taking care of yourself mentally also.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
