Husband cheated, left, trying SO HARD to DB 2

[kech]

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Husband cheated, left trying SO HARD to DB

New thread! Having a rough Monday morning over here. Ive said, mornings are really rough for me. But honestly, the last few days have just been a really big struggle. I know its all because all I can think of his H and OW and im assuming theyre having a blast and just living it up. I know hes CONSTANTLY lying to me. Constantly, I know hes skipping out on time with daughter to be with OW. It makes me pretty sick actually,

I see now how easy I have made this for him. When he texts that he cant come i just make it so simple and ok. EVen though I am pretty certain hes lying to me the majority of the time. I cant wait to wake up one day and this just feel easier.

Ready2Change,

I did read a lot of the posts you suggested, actually I believe i read them all. I think ALL I do is read these days, Sometimes I wonder if Im seeking advice from so many different readings that im becoming mixed up in what to do, but it was ALL helpful.

I am seeking legal advice. I know I need to for me. And I also start IC on Wednesday of this week, which I am really looking forward to.

The only thing that has changed in my sitch is me making a schedule. Ive become nervous Ive just REALLY given him the best of both worlds now. He doesnt have to come here anymore Monday, Wednesday or Saturday. So im pretty terrified I just gave him even MORE of a way to build relationship stronger and stronger with OW. I know I need to face my fears and push forward, but It just really s*cks to be making the right moves going forward, but then to feel like in making them you're just furthering along his great other world he has created.

I could literally feel his excitement when he left here last night. He even went into the bathroom and put water in his hair to kind of style of it before leaving. It put the biggest knot in my stomach. Why would he do that when leaving our home? He doesnt think of how every little thing he does hurts me.

I wish I could go no contact but I know I cant with daughter. I just wish I could do SOMETHING to get his attention somehow. But im just going to keep GAL, 180, let myself have my breakdowns in private. And vent here. He will only see the best version of me. I hope. (still spinning. I know)

[burned]

Having a rough Monday morning over here. Ive said, mornings are really rough for me.

For me it's because I wake up with "hope" and I forgot some of what I learned and got better at the day before. But your brain is doing work behind the scenes. It's your heart that needs to harden.

I see now how easy I have made this for him.

Don't blame yourself. He has made it easy for himself by taking advantage of what he knows about how you will react. You have just been being yourself. Not a failure -- a chance to learn to do something different.

Sometimes I wonder if Im seeking advice from so many different readings that im becoming mixed up in what to do, but it was ALL helpful.

Here's my own 2x4, because it's something I'm working on, too -- are you the kind of person who asks for lots of advice and then can't decide what to do, or who to "obey" (not in a bad way), because you're looking for some kind of certainty and right answer? People on here have been kicking me around trying to get me to learn how to make decisions FOR MYSELF and it's super, super hard.[/quote]

im pretty terrified I just gave him even MORE of a way to build relationship stronger and stronger with OW.

People keep saying that A's "flare out" and maybe this one will, too. In my sitch I wonder if "depriving" WW of contact with OM was actually making her want him more. So, maybe just let him have at it. Be the better person. Don't be the one telling him "You can't have her." We want what we can't have, I'm told. Here's the attitude I'm trying now: "Fine, you prefer him over me. I'm a better person, so...suit yourself." It's not easy.

One thing you probably will be able to do by DBing is preventing him from going to a different OW.

YOU are his next OW!

[kech]

Thanks burned.

I do try to Obey, you are right. I try to take all the advice and then its like I want to react right then and make a decision.

I sure hope this OW flares out. I have been crying for the last 30 minutes. I do not know what is happening to me the last few days. This literally feels like the worst pain I have ever experienced. And I dont know why its been at such an all time high just recently. Its truthfully like I cant get through my days without hysterically crying. I wasnt like that before.

I am really feeling the loss of him because we no longer communicate during the day. He doesnt send me random texts anymore, like he did just a week or 2 ago. Its like we are officially separated and he is officially acting like it, when before I guess he really wasnt. He was constantly temp checking, which annoyed me, but was comforting in a way. And now that has completely stopped. like for the first time he is not at all worried about what im doing or thinking and he is really just living his own life separate from me.

Let him go, let him go, let him go.

[burned]

The little "ding" and the little red dot on the green app icon. "She still loves me!"

Nope. BluWave is right. He's gone.

It's like a drug. You're addicted to the feeling of being close to him.

Cold turkey. It's the only way. Cry hard, cry often, cry until you're so exhausted you can sleep through the entire night.

You deserve it. But you're crying for you, not for him.

[burned]

like for the first time he is not at all worried about what im doing or thinking and he is really just living his own life separate from me.

You can do the exact same thing, only better.

[ovrrnbw]

You have a schedule now, right? So why couldn't you go no contact?

[kech]

You have a schedule now, right? So why couldn't you go no contact?

He comes to our home to watch her on his nights with her. So it isnt really possible to have no contact

[kech]

Anyone who has been through this. When you start to truly separate, contact becomes less and less, and you are truly living separate lives for the first time, HOW did you get through your days? If your WS did come back to R, how long did you live separate, with very little contact (only contact is about child)?

And anyone in this sitch, how long did it take once living really separated, to start to truly let go and not feel this way every. SINGLE. DAY?

I of course want hope for my M, but I am absolutely losing all of it. I think that is why I feel so awful. I know my marriage is dead and gone, and with no hope, I see nothing to look forward to. Nothing. I have had a glimmer of hope all along, it is the ONLY thing that helps me through my days. And feeling none is really making this awful.

[equalzr]

Mornings are roughest for me too. Watching /listening to sermons or motivational videos can help. As for him not knowing how his smallest actions hurt you, i think he knows exactly whay hes doing. Slicking his hair down before heading out the door? He knew you would notice. He sees you going out when hes babysitting, doesnt like it, and wants to play the game with you.

IC will be very theraputic for you. It feels good to vent to someone and get feedback from a neutral party. They can also help you deal with your emotions.

[ovrrnbw]

Sure it is, just walk out the garage when he walks in the front. For me, it took several weeks to settle in. And my W coming by made it harder and harder. Seeing the WAS less makes it easier to detach IMO>