DB / Detach- Will we ever piece it together

[Phoenix9]

Timing of this is vey interesting....... support about to end and suddenly "Lets have sex. I love you."

Sorry Did. You're still being played.

Winner winner, chicken dinner.

Accept the sex. Just take it for what it is. And get back to DBing and what you need to do.

[ovrrnbw]

It'd probably be more productive to not give her the sex IMO. Make her think she can't have you.

[LITB]

It is hard to say what what her motive is. Thread carefully, you already DID it.

[Did]

Brief update from phone while traveling. W and I have continued to have open dialogue and conversation. We have talked about time apart with other people. Desires and mistakes we hope not to repeat. Some good sex in there as well. We need to continue to find balance. We both know we moved too fast and she said she can’t help it. I need to be healthy and strong to have boundaries and not be too available. Last night she invited me to sleepover I worked until 9 am done got there at 945. She had made a dessert for us and was in bed. I had to shower we talked a bit burn she wanted to sleep and mentioned separated rooma because of our sleep habits etc. in her mind there is a reason to the madness or things I disagree with. Convo went fine I told her I was going to leave she was surprised and almost seemed hurt. I’m still surprised she reacts like she’s cares so much.

Anyway. I left and explained I had a lot of packing to do. She understood.

Talked to a friend who hasn’t been through it. He mentioned dating during school since we have the time then. MeetIng at restaurant etc or doing activities that involve physical contact without sex. This is coming from the sex therapist /MC we discussed seeing in a couple weeks. He did ballroom dancing with his wife. Neither of us are into dancing but I’d like to think of an activity. We workout but don’t touch during the time at the gym.

I’m going to continue limited contact but be responsive / kind when I’m free this weekend. Hope to do a date maybe pick up food and just go eat at a park. Something simple but both of us enjoy being outside.

W has discussed her Om with me and then started asking about Ow. W has issues with guilt says she’d hate but herself if it doesn’t work with us and I lose other W. I said I could see a future with oW but some pieces were missing like physical chemistry W and I have. Ow is kind nice supportive good person etc. she wants kids And to be married soon I’m going to talk to her and tell her I’m no where’s near that place and not ready.

Yes I know W could just want money. We have discussed it and the convo will continue before any payment.

Thanks all!

[SteveLW]

Just do yourself a favor.......tell her support is over until there is either a) full reconcilation or b) a court order that you have to pay.

See how she reacts. Stick to that for the next few weeks.

[Did]

She will not react positively to that ultimatum but I will strongly consider. Going to talk to her about the support this week. What would be a full reconciliation. We basically acted like we were together for two days. Then I told her we were together too much and need to act like we’re dating. Have balance.

She has said the sex was amazing but also told me she doesn’t know if she can stand the guilt if I break it off w OW.

My goals are date not just sex and parent. And get into MC with her into it.

Limited time here won’t see her or talk to her much until sun or mon.

[ovrrnbw]

Something just isn't right about her being so worried about your GF's feelings. She's giving you some sort of warning. She doesn't want you to stop seeing the OW....b/c why? B/c she's not going to stop seeing her BF? Or what? I wonder....

[Did]

I think she’s very unsure she still has anxiety and says she’s not in a place to think about the future. She said when dating previously she thought that if she met someone great she wouldn’t be ready for anything serious. Anytime I pursue her or contact her too much talk about the future or anything like that she backs away. LRT... basically not going to talk to her. I joked around w her in person saying I basically had to ignore you for you to be interested. You said you get butterflies and you love me then the next minute you wonder how you’ll feel when we’re apart. She said she wants to date she wants to see MC she wants to continue sleeping together the sex was great, she wants to show me more next time she’ll have more energy. And said you wait and see.

I need to stay cool and not pursue continue DB principles. We texted too much this morning. I told her I was done texting 3-4 times. Ended up making a bunch of notes in my phone. She is just acting completely on emotion and not seeming to be able to use her brain or be logical.

OW said I radiate positive energy. W said my energy is so much different and better than it was when in M. I’m going to make sure we date and be mentally tougher about boundaries no sleepovers 2 days in a row. No spending the entire day together. Still wonder how she’s doing and what she’s thinking but I won’t reach out.

Hard to be detached after everything thats happened recently.

[ovrrnbw]

Probably ought to have left this out

I joked around w her in person saying I basically had to ignore you for you to be interested. You said you get butterflies and you love me then the next minute you wonder how you’ll feel when we’re apart.

It's pursuit. You want her to want you all the time.

basically not going to talk to her.

After everything that just went down, you would increase the wishy washy behavior in your sitch? How will either of you going to stop being this way?

Probably don't need to do the sleepovers, unless you don't have any boundaries. Unless you're comfortable doing limbo forever. She gets to lay next to you without commitment. Let her sleep alone.

[Did]

Thanks ovr. Talked to IC. Important for me to be in therapy I think as I need to be strong, consistent and positive. Be the man she’d be a fool to leave and just enjoy my picnic / life. Remember she’s not the center of my life and continue building my future and passions / life’s purpose. She is an important piece as hopefully my partner and wife but separate from me.

We have been talking so I havent ignored her. I try to distance myself a bit because then she comes toward me. But I’ve been consistent for the most part. IC says I need to set boundaries and the push and pull will not end well. I talked about this to w and we are on the same page for the most part.

W has been sick and is overtired with D4. But they did watch my lacrosse game last night on live stream and D4 was yelling there he is, there he is. I see him! Pretty cool and I thanked W told her it meant a lot to me.

Journaling about boundaries and balance. Trying to keep everything in check but I can’t help but think about seeing her. Going to try to plan a date Wed so it’s not all about sex and parenting. We both agreed we want to date and build the connection in other ways besides not physical. Think I’m going to pick up food and tell her to be free We’d during d4 school and go on a hike / picnic and nature preserve.

Hard for me to trust her words from a few days ago from recent history but going to give her the benefit of the doubt trust her and see if we can make this thing work