Listen over, I was a WH some time ago. I has an on/off R with OW. When my W discovered that she kicked me out. Then I faced what reality was. My waywardness quickly evaporated.
Your W is WW. You can’t control that. It’s hard man, I know. We are suffering with you. But you have to stand for yourself. She must face the reality of a wayward life.
Sending you a big hug. We are here to support you, as Nicole says.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Well I called her back. It was mostly about her feeling bad, never saw this marriage failure coming, sorry she lied to me again, and reiterating a lot of things we talked about last night. Asked me what to do, what the right thing was.
But I don't think it is a convo worth having again, b/c at the end of the day she didn't feel that bad going back to OM's apt right?
Then she texts me this afternoon "Thank you".
And I think I'm about to send a text just telling her "you have a funny way of showing it. I'm fed up with you. You should get your stuff out of here. This isn't working".
But maybe I should do that in person and not puss out.
Anyways I had a really productive counseling session today, and I am trying to figure what I want to do here. I'm thinking about making an ultimatum on separation. I mean why does it matter if we physically separate, she's not going to be here anyways.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Stop having R conversations with her. You are right, they aren't helping, and her words are cheap at this point.
Don't act on emotion. It's okay to be pissed at her right now, but don't show her that nor should you make a decision while emotional.
If you are ready draw a boundary about not sharing a house with a person who is having an affair, that is the assertive thing to do. But don't get drawn into a conversation about it. Again, her words are cheap.
Hang in there.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Take all the time you need before you make a decision. Emotionally-based choices rarely end up well.
That being said, you have every right to be angry. You definitely do not deserve what she is putting you through. You’re a stand-up guy. And if she cannot see that despite being in her fog, then she (and forgive me please for what I’m about to say next) does not deserve you.
I’m sending you well-wishes, ovr. I’m hoping the best for you.
Guys I really appreciate the support, clearly I am emotional right now. Making a lot of mistakes, talking to her, checking the phone app, not setting boundaries.
I really need to get my head screwed on straight here and calm down. Get back to basics.
Someone referenced hoosjim's posts and I am reading those now. So anyone have any parts of his threads that stuck I'd love to hear it.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
God and I forgot today until counseling that she got mad at me last night, maybe I was playing a bit of a game when I locked her out of the MBR. She was being rude about me helping her change the sheets so I locked the door. When I let her in she was screaming and being rude and then she hit me. I was able to dodge it mostly, it was more of a smack than anything. It hurts more in my heart than physically. But she did this a few times back in May/April as well. It reminds me of my dad who would give us excessive beatings growing up. I earned some but he always went too far. I noticed I smacked my puppy way too hard a couple weeks ago and it reminded me of this so I've thought about it some since then and promised myself to not act like that. It's just crazy to feel so terrible that you do that to someone (or your puppy).
I guess that says a lot too about what she thinks of me. I really need to wake up.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
W called a couple times and texted me asking about getting into counseling. I set it up almost a month ago, she just has to call to confirm. Well I gave her the wrong number. I was wanting to go NC, but was going to let her know I'm done with her first. I was going to do that in person. I guess I should just text her the correct number in the meantime, right?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
If not, then she should go to counseling alone and leave you out of it. She clearly needs to sort out her own sh*t first before you can come back into the picture.
You're wounded and hurt by her actions. Would you want to attempt to go with her so soon because she MAY be willing to work on the M? As evidenced by her actions, she still does not know what she wants. And she needs to know what she wants and not have you to fall back on in case she messes up. Let her truly miss you. Let her truly realize how life will be without you. Let her fall and get hurt.
The way I see it, she is still using you to cake eat. Telling her to take a hike takes away the cake.
You yourself need to heal and get strong first. You are capable of it, bud. I have felt it when you chime in on my sitch.
