You have more power than you realize. It is just difficult for you to see right now with all the emotions involved.
You'll get there. I have no doubt.
Originally Posted by kech
I get strength in thinking of what a good mom I am. I get strength in thinking I will just keep being a bomb a*s mom, single or not, and I will keep doing me, being me, and faking it till I make it. because behind doors, I break down.
Yes, focus on things that are bold. Feed the good wolf.
When you get to the other side, you will be thankful for the growth.
For me, it seems surreal that my W and I went through our mess, but I can see the purpose now.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I am glad you say I have more power than I realize. Sometimes I wonder if I do and I am just blind to it still like I was back then. If only I knew than what I know now. I KNOWWWWW had I been stronger and handled this better back then, he would have literally not known what to do. He lost himself after a few weeks and came home such a mess, but I was just so understanding all the way through this thing, he never really had to fully come back and put in work. He just came back and was present here, but not really present. Not working on us. Actually, during that time I think he just found reasons to want to bolt even more. Had I been DBing all that time, I would be in SUCH a different position now.
I fear I waited too long. That during this time he has lost respect for me and value for me and he has moved on to someone else and and found that maybe someone else is a better fit for him because for this past year he didnt feel happy with me. I know he sees changes in me, he has been open about that. But it doesnt seem to be enough for him to want to put the work in.
I feel like I am getting a slightly better grip on DBing now, due to all of the help on here. I would NEVER be able to do this without this board. The 2x4s, LITB, Steve, R2C, Blu, Pain, Lost, ED, Ovrrnbow, Neffer and anyone else, you guys have have been my saving grace. I feel like I am SLOWLY finding how to DB, and I just pray it isnt too late for my MR. But It does feel better than you know when you say I have more power than I realize. I need that. I need to know that I DO have the power to turn this around. If not for my MR, at least for ME, for my well being, to do this knowing my worth, head held high. Thats ALL I can do for me. The process is hard. Its hard to be patient when you feel like every minute, every hour, every day that passes, he is building something with someone else and getting further and further from me. BUt i do want to be the best me. A wife any man would be crazy to leave
He knows this. Does the blanket have anything to do with D? If not he is temp checking.....
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Having real issues with anxiousness today..... It really makes me very anxious and have to catch my breath. It really is crazy how much I fall apart in private lately. Something has shifted so much. The days are really really tough
Day after my BD, I went to my doctor. He prescribed meds to help. OMG did that help. This might be a good potion for you. I was on for a few months.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I may be wrong but I see the yard work and blanket as positive. First of all he wants to come over not on a regular day to do yardwork. I think the blanket was just a way of communicating with you. He could have just picked it up when he did the yard work.??
Not a big deal. But definitely not negative.
M 55. W 43 T 12. M 8 1st BD 9\16 W moved out 11\16 Recon moved back 2/17 2nd BD 8/12/18
I fear I waited too long. That during this time he has lost respect for me and value for me and he has moved on to someone else and and found that maybe someone else is a better fit for him because for this past year he didnt feel happy with me. I know he sees changes in me, he has been open about that. But it doesnt seem to be enough for him to want to put the work in.
Don't get hung up on the timing of when you started DB'ing. The bottom line, is that you are improving yourself now. Just like an education, that can't be taken away from you and you will be better equipment with new skills in all future relationships.
Generally, most LBS that are on these forums have a head start in the self-improvement department over the WAS. Why? Because the LBS are doing the heavy lifting and are motivated to change. Many times people(WAS) leave relationships believing that the other person is the root of the unhappiness. Therefore, they leave with their portable issues into new relationships. That's why the divorce rate for 2nd and 3rd marriages is high.
I'm telling you this, because your H has a long way to go. That is not your concern and is out of your control. You are on your own individual journeys. Take the high road.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I had a feeling it was temp checking. He hasnt done that in a week or so, kind of surprised me.
Ed, thank you for saying you see it as nothing negative. I agree. I really wish I knew his reasoning behind things.
LITB, I am happy to be improving myself now. But i definitely hope its for THIS relationship, and not a future one. But i know thats what everyone here hopes. I just need to be patient and trust the process and GA DAMN L.
I just miss him SO much. I wish he could just come over and hang out with me. I feel like sometimes both of us miss that, its crazy we cant just be open about it and do it. But I know that would get me no where in the long term.
UGHH. Having a tough time today but I am staying busy and pushing through
I do, but while I am working I dont have much so I think that is probably why it is so hard for me from 8-5. Once I am off work i feel a bit better because I can get out or talk more to people. But my job is computer based from home so not much interaction involved.
I feel like sometimes both of us miss that, its crazy we cant just be open about it and do it.
Why do you feel he misses you? What has he done that shows you that?
Also, why would you want to be open and do that with someone that is cheating on you? If your best friend told you her husband was cheating on her but she missed him and just wanted to spend time with him, what would you say to her?
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UGHH. Having a tough time today but I am staying busy and pushing through
Have you had a good day recently? I've seen nothing where you've said "I am doing great today!" Each day that goes by, are you trying to find the positives? "I stood up for myself against a cheater." "I am standing firm on my insistence that he not have OW in his life AND me be his wife." "I've spent quality time with my D today! That is wonderful no matter who else is or isn't around!"
kech, you are dwelling on the negative (he isn't there) instead of focusing on all of the positives in your life.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve, you make a good point. I do think about that, if a friend of mine was going through this I would tell her "success is the best revenge". Be confident, make him miss you, dont be available for him. Things like that. I dont know why when its me in the situation I feel like its so different.
I havent had a good day recently, honestly. I feel so much like its so far gone and no matter what I do he has already forgotten about how great we once were. But I do know if I have any shot its through doing this. And i am dedicated to doing it. And I know I have to do it for MYSELF regardless. I do have good moments in my days. All time spent with D is amazing. But I am not doing great, so that is why I dont say that. I do need to find the positives. Feed the good wolf. I need to work on this in my life as a whole honestly. Looking towards the positives. Not using such negative words, etc.
When I went for a run Monday night I felt much better, and i came home and made the baby dinner, and made myself dinner, and then I bathed her and put her to bed and then did some things for me. Like working on some of my crafts, and doing my night time routine of face wash, exfoliate, moisturize, just some pamper time. Then I folded and put away all the laundry, I just did some things around the house that made me feel good once it was all done. Normal things I used to be able to get done much easier when H lived here, but now he doesnt and so I was leaving every night when he was here, I wasnt able to get anything around the house done. Now with this schedule in place I have Monday Wednesday and Saturday nights at home alone with baby and once i put her down I have some time to myself which is nice.
I know I shouldnt miss a man who is off with OW. He justifies all of it, its almost like he doesnt feel bad because he considers himself unmarried all of a sudden or something, Who knows. He did tell me a few months ago he felt really screwed up and he didnt know why and that maybe its a guilty conscious and he knows he caused all this and he wishes he never entertained another woman, blah blah blah. I dont really know how you say that and then go off and continue living this way, but WS dont make much sense as we all know.
I know I sound negative on here, but its because I feel negative and I dont have anywhere to really vent that. the IC will help. I will try to look more at the positives, it just will feel a little fake when inside im pining for this man thats flipped my life upside down. Once I get out for a run tonight I will feel much better.
I have to reach out to him at some point and make sure he can be here by 5:30 tomorrow because I have to be somewhere, and i kind of hate that I have to reach out. Im going to hold off in case he comes by tonight to do the yard and then I can just ask him then. I dont like to reach out and initiate conversation with him because I just dont want anything to come off as me pursuing him. But i have a planned event tomorrow that I cant be late for.
