I got up early, showered, made coffee, then went to the courthouse.
I went in, but W wasn't there yet. We got called first, so as I'm standing in front of the judge, W walked in with S...and that's when we learned that there was an issue with the paperwork from the mediator. Apparently they couldn't figure out how something should be worded and they didn't send over the D decree.
So we left. W asked me if I wanted to get coffee with her and S so we could talk about things. I agreed (mostly to spend some time with S...and coffee).
We talked, argued, etc., the usual. She once again told me she does love me. But she also was demanding 50/50 custody and that she would do MC. I told her I needed some time to think about it.
After we left, W called me. I knew she was on the way to S's dr appt. She started talking, yelling, bringing up totally irrelevant stuff that she decided to be mad about.
I had GAL plans, so when I got back to my place, I told her I had to go. She refused, and kept talking, yelling, making threats, etc.
When she started threatening to call CPS on my friends randomly, I told her I had to go. She kept talking. I hung up and turned my phone off for about 4 hours and proceeded to GAL.
When I turned my phone back on, I had 3 missed calls from W, and a TON of fb messages from random friends saying she needed to get in touch with me.
She decided to submit a motion to dismiss the D.
I was like "wtf...?"
I called her. She said "you win. I would rather stay married and miserable than lose my S. I don't want you back, but I will not give up S."
So now...no idea what's happening. S is staying at my place tonight because she will work from 10p-3am. Tomorrow, they are both coming over for dinner so she and I can figure out what's going on.
I'm really, realllllly confused right now.
I plan to lay down some ground rules if she wants to R, but I'm also going to look into seeing what the law says about dismissing a D case. I know in our state, only one party has to request a D for it to be granted, but I'm not sure how dismissing it works.
I can't even begin to figure out what's going on.
So...please...fire away with the advice...because I'm confused af. lol
Sounds like sh#t started to get real and W freaked out. That seems to be a common theme. The fantasy is bursting a bit and reality is hitting and so the WAS backs down.
However, I don't read anything in what you wrote that indicates that she is anywhere near ready for R. She does not sound remorseful or willing to take responsibility for her actions, she sounds as lost in the fog as always. I would not have any expectations regarding R. Would you really want to be with her in the state she is in? I would think long and hard about that. She doesn't seem to be anywhere near ready to do the hard work of R, nor has she grown as a person. She is basically saying that she will settle for you (for now), and you deserve more than that.
When you talk about the laws regarding dismissing a D, are you implying that you wouldn't necessarily want to dismiss it? Are you considering going through with it?
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
So you want to stay married to someone who dismissed the divorce because she would “rather be married and miserable”
You are worth more than that, don’t you think?
And why are you spending time with her? She yells at you when do. Coffee, dinner so you can get belittled? I don’t get get why you would subject yourself to that
Sounds like sh#t started to get real and W freaked out. That seems to be a common theme. The fantasy is bursting a bit and reality is hitting and so the WAS backs down.
However, I don't read anything in what you wrote that indicates that she is anywhere near ready for R. She does not sound remorseful or willing to take responsibility for her actions, she sounds as lost in the fog as always. I would not have any expectations regarding R. Would you really want to be with her in the state she is in? I would think long and hard about that. She doesn't seem to be anywhere near ready to do the hard work of R, nor has she grown as a person. She is basically saying that she will settle for you (for now), and you deserve more than that.
When you talk about the laws regarding dismissing a D, are you implying that you wouldn't necessarily want to dismiss it? Are you considering going through with it?
Oh, it's clearly starting to sink in I think. But I agree, she's not ready. I know this is a total control move. And no, I don't want to be with her if she's not 100% on board and committed. But I know she's not ready for that yet.
As for the laws...I am implying that exactly.
Do I wish there was another way? Yes. Do I think that if we both had been getting the proper treatment for our mental health issues that we'd probably still be together? Yes, that's likely.
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So you want to stay married to someone who dismissed the divorce because she would “rather be married and miserable”
You are worth more than that, don’t you think?
And why are you spending time with her? She yells at you when do. Coffee, dinner so you can get belittled? I don’t get get why you would subject yourself to that
Nope. I want to stay married to someone who truly wants to be with me, because I am worth more than that.
I'm basically trying to do the lighthouse thing now. I don't think she's ready to move back in, and I'm not going to rush her to do that. In fact, that would be a bad idea.
As for spending time with her...most of the time I'm really just focused on S. She can yell and belittle me, but after the last two days, coming to terms with the seriousness of the situation and mentally preparing...her words just don't hurt quite as much. She still tries to say things to hurt me, but I've gotten far, far better at just brushing them off without even flinching.
So...as for dismissing the D...from what I understand in this state, only one person has to want D to get it...but to dismiss it, both parties have to agree. So we'll see what happens. Any shenanigans and all I have to do is get the copy of the final decree, request another court date, and just get it done. The good news about that is she doesn't realize that both parties have to ok the dismissal.
It was weird to see her wearing her ring again. She gave me mine back...I didn't put it on.
She wanted a chance to prove that she's a good mom...well, she's got it. BUT...my tolerance for bs is gone. She hasn't really realized that, but I think she's about to.
She is pulling shenanigans and is being open about it. She is going to cohabitiate with you so she can see her son.
That’s it. She is in no way shape or form recommitting to the marriage. Especially with the way she rages at you and tells you she hates you. You want your son to see that?
I am also pretty sure she has something up her sleeve. I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her.
I’m sorry, but I would protect myself and my son and watch my back.
Just a thought, but do you think she is probably trying to buy time, so she can capture more moments with y'all son. This way she can show the courts, she does more and needs more custody. I think her trick is trying to up her custody percentage, and she knows the only way to do that is by drawing you back in.
Just a thought.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
