I always gave 2 choices to MsR2C that I was OK with.
W:"H, I have an important appointment tomorrow. Can you be here by 5:30? If I do not hear from you by noon tomorrow, I will make other arrangements for D."
If he plays games: 2:00 H:"W, yes I can be there at 5"
2:05:W:"H, When you continuously break your commitments to me, I can not trust your words. I gave you ample time to respond and you chose not to reply. Our original agreement was 6:30.......Bla Bla Bla
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Well I had my IC appointment and didn’t go as I thought. She basically said she sees no hope of him changing and to file for divorce. She said next time I come she will give me good lawyers contact info.
I didn’t expect that to be the response somehow. I’m not ready to file for divorce. But it sounds like no one thinks my husband will come out of this fog. She said he sounds like he has an addictive personality. I feel even worse than I did when I went in. Now I have to see H and if I thought I wanted to cry to him before, man oh man now I really want to. I don’t want to face that this is really what my life is now. I do not want a divorce. I can’t even believe that’s the way that session just went.
She said it sounds like sometimes he misses me and the family but not enough and that this is who he is now.
She made me feel like there was no hope at all. She said while I’m still young and beautiful I should get out of this I have a lot going for me, which I understand that thinking. I don’t want to waste the rest of my life trying to get my husband back. But I was hoping there was a little hopefulness in there. I wanted to come out of there feeling empowered and that’s not what happened
Sorry, filling in for Steve here: ICs are like cups of coffee, some are better than others.
It's true. You either click or you don't. You're going to share intimate details about your personal life and your deepest feelings with a professional stranger. Do you want it to be someone you don't feel comfortable with?
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
She made me feel like there was no hope at all. She said while I’m still young and beautiful I should get out of this I have a lot going for me, which I understand that thinking. I don’t want to waste the rest of my life trying to get my husband back. But I was hoping there was a little hopefulness in there. I wanted to come out of there feeling empowered and that’s not what happened
HUGS
Listen,
No one can predict the future. Not me, not steve85, not your therapist, not MWD.
One day at a time, one interaction at a time.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I don't know if you should go back and see her again. There are so many therapists, styles and various skill levels. Therapy is an intimate and vulnerable space and most importantly, you deserve to feel safe and supported. Did you feel safe opening up to her? Did she create an environment of trust, before giving advice? Did she spend time assessing your situations AND your goals for therapy? I would think it would take 1 or 2 sessions before she came back with that sort of advice.
I am not saying that her advice is wrong or right. Like R2R says, none of us can predict the future, no one. However, right now, this may not be what you need from a therapist. Did you tell her what you needed before sharing your sitch?
It is very easy for us all to tell posters, "get a therapist today," but the reality is, they are not always a good match for us.
Really think about what your goals are from a therapist and if you think this person can help you in that way. There are so many other wonderful therapists that might be a better fit for you. I am sorry that happened.
Not that you asked me, but I think she could be wrong. And even if she is right, that may not be what you need to hear in the middle of a crisis.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
