Last night I asked and she told me she told OM she wasn't going to contact him any more. I wanted to see the texts but she said they were deleted. I am sure because she told him what a great guy he is blah blah blah. Anyway its like she is a new person. Very present and happier.
She said she didn't block him. I said she has to block him across all media and full transparency. She actually said I'll just have to trust her. It was so hard not to laugh in her face. I have access to her phone but not her tablet.
I am guessing this will take some time. It feels like she would but she doesn't want me telling her she has to. I think she might want to go on a mini vacation soon and I want to make my participation contingent upon blocking and full transparency. What do you all think?
M 55. W 43 T 12. M 8 1st BD 9\16 W moved out 11\16 Recon moved back 2/17 2nd BD 8/12/18
She said you have to trust her? The whole point is you CAN'T trust her right now. She needs to EARN your trust. That means, as you said, 100% full transparency. Not negotiable. If she doesn't agree to that then there is no recon until she decides she WILL agree to that.
She said you have to trust her? The whole point is you CAN'T trust her right now. She needs to EARN your trust. That means, as you said, 100% full transparency. Not negotiable. If she doesn't agree to that then there is no recon until she decides she WILL agree to that.
THIS ^^^^^
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Yesterday was a good day. We went out to dinner and had a glass of wine after. We had some good conversations. She wants to plan a trip. She has been acting like a wife again since she went nc with om. I told her I want to go on the trip but only if my conditions are met. The stickler is blocking OM from phone and all social media. I don't think it would really make much of a difference but its the principal of it. She is hesitant because its me telling her what to do. So I guess we will see what happens.
M 55. W 43 T 12. M 8 1st BD 9\16 W moved out 11\16 Recon moved back 2/17 2nd BD 8/12/18
You're jumping back into things without a commitment from her. You're ignoring the issues and letting her slide on the hard stuff.
How do you know she went NC with the OM? You can't access her tablet, right? So maybe she's using that. Obviously she is not opposed to sneaking around when it suits her.
You are not telling her what to do, you are telling what you won't do b/c she has betrayed you and thus you have no trust. Gotta stiffen up here or else you'll be back to square one.
When you pushed on a harder issue, she threw a fit and ran away. You didn't come back to it and work on it, did you? In fact, you even posted that this is a recurring theme for her. My dad does the same thing, and thus I have been trained in similar fashion. Does that really work for you?
She wouldn't show you the text until she saw it first, which means she knows it could have been something bad.
Also, she is still super wishy washy. I think you're just seeing what you want to see and so happy to have her back that you are letting her get away with anything she wants.
Anyways I suck at DB'ing but this is what I saw. I've been through a lot with my W so I know how you feel and think you deserve better.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
If shes 100% serious she woildnt hold back at all. She would also understand that you cant just jump back into trusting her, it doesn't work that way. Sounds like shes trying for some more cake eating imo.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
