Yup. When she pities me and I let her (by saying "Yes, thanks!"), it maintains the same dynamic. By not responding, she wonders.
Maybe just the way you phrased it, but when H says "Do you have something to say to me," it sounds vaguely threatening. Let him wonder what you have to say. Don't let him bully you into saying what he wants to hear. It's hard. Be strong.
Originally Posted by lost8
I doubt you will get a response that you are dreaming of so why respond.
^^ this. He isn't going to say, "Oh, thanks for responding, let's renew our vows!"
You're only hurting yourself. Be strong! And there's a good side effect: you FEEL better afterwards. At least I did.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
Kech dont respond to the texts yet. This is not a medical emergency, just stay calm and think it through before you respond. I am not in your sitch so I have no experience with this, maybe a vet DB could post something.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
What he is saying is "I want my cake and eat it too."
kech, everything we've been telling you is happening. The anger a couple of weeks ago was the insolent pouting of a child who's cake has been taken away. Then he tried the freezing you out "I'll make her miss me!" approach. When that didn't work now he is trying the breadcrumbs approach.
Stick to the plan.
Ignore FYI messages. REspond to direct questions in as few words as possible. Yes or no questions get yes or no answers.
NO R TALKS! If he starts one in person, listen and validate. (Reread the validation thread.)
You are in a dangerous time here kech. Your willingness to give in this week coupled with his temp checkign breadcrumb throwing has you on the verge, I can feel if, of letting him comeback before he is committed and before he accepts boundaries. IF you do, you will only be putting off the inevitable, and all of the pain you've come through will have to be gone through again.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
The hook is baited...be careful!!!! I was there too a few months ago and as soon as the line was in the water I jumped on the hook. What I thought was R was extreme cake eating, set me back big time. A few words are hardly a commitment to you!
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I validated his feelings and told him that I would like some time to sit on things and circle back around when its not so emotional. (Got that from the validation thread).
I know he is trying to cake eat. Throwing me bread crumbs. He has never said to me that he isnt ready to move on and he isnt over me. He also said he misses us. But I didnt say anything back to him in regards to me feeling the same way. I said "I have some things to think about for myself and maybe we can circle back around to this when it isnt so emotional."
