26 and trying to save a marriage

[Cadet]

Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka
that I totally agree with.

Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.

It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.

We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.

Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.

[Ready2Change]

I strongly encourage you to leave your wife alone, get an individual counsellor, and throw all your energy into self improvement. Don't tie this to your wife's behavior or whether she notices what you are doing. You need to make these changes whether or not she wants to work on the marriage. And frankly, you're not ready to be a good partner, so take advantage of the time to work on you.

Do this ^^^^^^^^


Also, move back into the master bedroom.

[GFT00]

Like I said, you have a long road ahead of you. Its time to grow up and become a man that only a fool would leave. How are you setting goals and working to be that man?[/quote]

I realize I need to give her, her space. I'm definitely applying the 37 rules and hopefully with the help of my coach I can choose a game plan and try to implement as well as possible.
I'm really trying to be a better stepdad and it [censored] at times feeling like it's going nowhere, but then I remember "hey relax it's only been a few weeks"
I give his baths, put him to sleep, iron his clothes, and just try to be a lot better than I was before.
I'm also going to try to teach him to read.

My career means a lot to me and in the one year I have with my company, I exceeded the goals they set for me.
I received a raise last week and I'm studying for the GMAT because I want to get into a solid graduate business school.

Thanks for all the great answers.
It breaks my heart to know that I put a dagger in our relationship by moving out the master bedroom because I thought she would appreciate the space.

DBing is not simple and definitely requires patience over everything.

[GFT00]

I strongly encourage you to leave your wife alone, get an individual counsellor, and throw all your energy into self improvement. Don't tie this to your wife's behavior or whether she notices what you are doing. You need to make these changes whether or not she wants to work on the marriage. And frankly, you're not ready to be a good partner, so take advantage of the time to work on you.

Do this ^^^^^^^^


Also, move back into the master bedroom.

Any tips on how to move back in.
Let her initiate it or should I try and make the move?
I will definitely ask my DB coach about this. I feel this is now a priority

[Ready2Change]

Any tips on how to move back in.
Let her initiate it or should I try and make the move?
I will definitely ask my DB coach about this. I feel this is now a priority

Do it when she is not around. Make your side MANLY (Like a motorcycle poster on the wall). Be in there when she gets home. Do not leave.

If questioned: "I decided I like the MB"

Then listen and vaidate.

At some point, you may say "If you don't like it, You are free to leave."

[GFT00]

HUGE UPDATE, PLEASE READ AND HELP!!!

So I feel like I had been doing fine these last couple of weeks. My next appointment with the DB coach is Friday.

However, last night we were hanging out, it's the 1st time in a few weeks. I felt things had been better between us lately.
She had ignited a lot of text conversation and I felt I had done a better(def not perfect)job of following the 37 rules.

So we were watching a movie and she says my friend keeps asking me to take her make up that my wife had bought for her friend. She was like I don't feel like it, but ima go because she keeps saying she wants me to.

I was like fine but don't take a long time. She was like I'm also going to stop for a pumpkin pie at mcdonald's and I was like yeah get me one too.

She left like at 8:30ish and didn't get back until 11:15ish.
She smelled like weed and I called her out on it. She said she had smoked and then I asked about the pie she said she had gone to all three local mcdonalds and there wasn't one.

All night I couldn't sleep in the morning I get up for my run but I grab her keys and check her car. And yup, the make up she was going to take to her friend was in there. I felt like crap. I went on my room got back and asked her if her friend had gave her the money for the make up. She said no, because she didn't have it. I then asked her why she lied because I checked her car and the make up was in there. We didn't really have an argument, but I felt in my old ways and started to make sarcastic remarks and jokes. I then asked her if she was with her other friend who I know smokes weed, she said yeah.
When she went to bathroom I checked her phone but was kinda nervous. I realize i was the 2nd to last text and thought that was strange, since the last time we texted was 6pm the day before so my theory is she deleted some conversations.
My big effup was that I tried to set her phone to where she went it would notify me and she caught me.
I apologized for doing that and left to work.
All day sarcastically she's been sending me her location.

I don't mind hearing the hard truth and even some "I told you so" or "what comes around goes around"

What hurts the most is she left her son and myself for 3 hours while she went to go smoke weed with lord knows who.
This is not the women I want in my life.

[Rose888]

Stop focusing on your wife’s actions. Stop trying to track her location or catch her in a lie.

Focus on being a better you.

[Ready2Change]

Link to original post

"I have decided that I am moving back into our home. If you are not happy living with me,you will be the one to leave. I am willing to stay and work on the marriage but if you are not, you should go. I have some decisions to make about our marriage, too."

So what if she gets angry? Don't be afraid of her anger. It's far better than her apathy! My H stood up to my decision to leave and it was the BEST thing he could have done for me. It let me see his strength, his resolve to do what was best for him and our family, and he earned my respect. I came home.

If he would have sat back as I see you are doing, I would have concluded nothing had or would change and I would have stayed gone.

[MoveFrwd]

I’m not sure what help you need that is different with this last update?

She isn’t interested in a relationship with you but you’re still acting like she does. Stop asking where she’s going or with whom...it’s not your concern anymore. Just assume every word out of her mouth is a lie.

What have you done to work on your own issues? And how are you following the 37 rules “better”. They are for you to work on doing your own thing. How are you doing with GAL?

[GFT00]

I’m not sure what help you need that is different with this last update?

She isn’t interested in a relationship with you but you’re still acting like she does. Stop asking where she’s going or with whom...it’s not your concern anymore. Just assume every word out of her mouth is a lie.

What have you done to work on your own issues? And how are you following the 37 rules “better”. They are for you to work on doing your own thing. How are you doing with GAL?

I guess the update is I felt our situation was improving and I guess I just took little things she had as a bigger sign than they were.

GAL update: I get up for my runs every morning that I plan to, I fall asleep before she gets home, I went out and bought new work clothes and shoes, I'm watching post season baseball with my friends, the UFC fight tonight, and just doing a lot of things and not wondering what she is doing.