well W has been adamant about D since leaving so if there is an OM, then he likely pre-dates that. as I say seeing the change helps me with the detachment. let them go and get out of the way really is the best, heck only way to save yourself.
who knows if W has OM, it would make sense if so, but I could also believe it's simply a race back to singledom in my sitch. gut says OM, but time will tell I guess.
wlf...yes I mean once the cards are on the table best to move on forward and thank you as always, I'm doing pretty good today all things considered.
prayers and blessings to you in your ongoing sitch!
appreciate the checking in on me! haven't been on here much since my last post. i'd say i'm doing great all things considered. after W switched back to her maiden name, i just let go. that was the straw that broke this camel's back as they say. i had some feelings/conflicts of integrity/moral character about giving up on any possible recon with her, but those passed quickly in light of W's actions. would have just been foolish of me to keep banging my head against the reality of the situation. comes down to i didn't ask for any of this, but the reality is what it is, so i'm just trying to make my new life based on what i want for me and D. the only tough part is still giving up D when i have to. i suspect that will never get easier, but past that once D is back with W i'm totally fine living my newly back again single life. haven't had any tears/cries/pain/prayers to save us in like 3 weeks now. i would like to say it was through some intense reflection, tons of books read, therapy, etc that got me to this point, but nope...as a result of her actions i just gave up/quit/let go and moved on.
D process is still in progress with the attys. i will be happy to get through the details/specifics of that and have it completed. i don't foresee any major issues towards it's completion, there's simply many decisions to be reached, but we have consensus on basically all i believe.
it's funny how as a newbie you read on here about "by then you as an LBS might not want them back" and you think to yourself "yeah, sure i will NEVER get there"...well i got there although i just don't care one way or the other now if she tries to come back. like i say no grand self reflective moment got me there, just had enough...i guess now the only other thing time will show is if the front part of that guidance will come to pass and W tries to come back around. not holding my breath that she will.
i hope all is going along as well as can wished for in your sitch. as i say i've not been on the site in some time, but will hop over and check out in on you. as always my prayers to you and all of the other members going through such a terribly tough part of their life. i really do hope that for all of us going through these painful trials that we all come out the other side the wiser, stronger and happier for it.
Good to hear from you! We joined at similar times and I remember going through a lot of tough moments alongside you. It sounds like you are in a relatively good place right now. That makes me happy. I hope that the D process is smooth and that you are able to spend as much time with your D as possible.
Would you characterize your feelings towards W as indifference or is there hostility as well? I ask because I have been struggling over the last month to move past resentment towards my W. When I gave up on her and R it became hard not to be resentful. It's not that I walk around all day feeling bitter, but when thoughts of her or the MR pop up it is hard for me not to resent her for her immaturity/lack of faith/inability to work through our issues. Did you pass through this stage upon giving up or were you able to move more cleanly into acceptance?
I do hope that you continue to stop by, both to support all of us, but also to update us on your sitch.
All the best.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
B- glad to hear you've finally dropped the rope, welcome to the other side! This isn't the outcome you and I and others in our position wanted, but hey it's not a bad place to be once it's all said and done. Can be downright fun when it comes down to it Keep it up!
Hey b, It sounds like you are in a place of acceptance. Not necessarily what you wanted but you are making the best of your situation. Keep on going! Blessings to ya!!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Davide...good to hear from you! yep, overall I'm in a good spot these days. i really have appreciated your support along with all of the other members on here who've replied back to my posts throughout the various stages that i've gone through. thankfully i'm getting to see my D equally with my W and when i have her, she and i are constantly busy, having fun and doing things together. it's also been helpful that for the D process we have general agreement.
indifference for sure. i don't think i ever really had much hostility or resentment that i directed at my wife. i did, however, have alot of frustration/amazement/foresaken feelings spiritually. like "why are you destroying my family, putting my d through this, etc". with my W is was more like "well it's her choice, nothing i can do". towards her within me i still have this huge "why?" which will likely never get answered BUT even if I find out someday it would be like watching the ball game after you know the final score, nice but not really necessary. as i've said her actions just pushed me to a point of "dude what the H are you doing? sure you made mistakes but you don't deserve this" and i just said the H with it. i just hit a point where i realized my value as a good man and decided to stop letting her take my life from me. never felt the resentment/bitterness, i didn't like her choice, but i don't have to live with it AND just maybe the ending of this chapter was required for a better chapter to begin. i do have the "benefit" of being previously married to have seen that happen within my own life. i feel like my quit was immediate though, no stages. once she insulted me (my opinion) by going back to her maiden name well before our D was concluded, i just dropped her.
this site and the folks who post here have changed my life. i have learned and been exposed to MANY MANY ways that i can be a better man, father and perhaps some day again spouse so i plan to stay around. as i've said before sometimes the stories i read here are so much more crushing than my own that i feel how feeble my attempt at trying to help someone else might succeed. i'll keep posting along as my sitch goes and will definitely check your's out as well.
stay the course Davide, praying and pulling for ya!
thank you AS! i appreciate your welcome to the other side! as you say definitely NOT where i expected/wanted to be, but it is what it is. i didn't want ANY of what happened, but one person is not enough so here i am. for sure i've just "landed" on the other side. excited to look forward to new chapters rather than back to old ones as time goes on.
thank you AS! i appreciate your welcome to the other side! as you say definitely NOT where i expected/wanted to be, but it is what it is. i didn't want ANY of what happened, but one person is not enough so here i am. for sure i've just "landed" on the other side. excited to look forward to new chapters rather than back to old ones as time goes on.
-B
ballast, I love your upbeat, positive attitude. Like AS you can become a champion for those that successfully transition from MR to D. And teach those that think D is a barren wasteland that you can survive and flourish! Especially, when like you, you did all you could do to save the MR.
Hang in there ballast! We got your back.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Keep it up!