Husband cheated, left, trying to DB 4

[kech]

I took the baby for a run once I got off work. Came home, fed her, bathed her, and now I’m letting her play and all I want to do is text H. I almost feel like I’m pulling away too much, creating even more distance between us. Which is why he said he doesn’t like the awkwardness. Am I just making it worse by being so distant. He doesn’t seem to be reaching out like he was on Friday. I know it takes time but this is such torture. I want to just text him to come over and talk.

I know I would regret it so I won’t. But I just really hate feeling like this day in and day out.

[kech]

I just know he is with OW all the time and I can’t kick this feeling that he’s just falling in love with her and I’m letting it happen somehow. I know I can’t control him, but it just feels like I’m giving up and I don’t want to give up. It’s so hard

[KitCat]

You need to get your dignity back.

There are many good books out there and most will tell you that "I love you but I'm not in love with you" really means I just don't respect you any more.

Who knows what he is doing or who this OW is... to be honest you are letting your imagination run wild and really building her up to be more than she is for sure.

Stop thinking about things you do not know OR have control of!!!!!

Take 15min and write down in a journal 3 things you are grateful for today.

You have to reset your mind. Start pouring over things you can have control over. Believe me... texting will lead to no good and you will only be filled with regret that you did so. He will notice you are not doing your typical texting... pursing.. AND he will start to temp check and it will be even harder for you to know what to do so when he starts come to the board here for advice before replying.

It is hard....its very hard... you have to find yourself... who are you outside of your M????

[kech]

Kitcat.

Thank you so much for that. He is known to temp check quite a bit and I am not very good at what to respond. I wish it was easier to not think about him and her. It runs my mind. I haven’t pursued him in a long time, but all day today I just wanted to text him and ask him to come over. I’m really drowning in my own thoughts.

Night time used to be okay for me. I would come home from work and just be with the baby and feel ok. And now for some reason even the night times are rough. Just had a good cry in bed. He told me all of these things just 2 days ago, and whether or not they’re true or not, he just doesn’t show it. I never knew that pulling away would be so hard for me. I thought I was doing it all along honestly, but clearly not. And now that I really am, it’s so hard. I just really feel like I’m giving up on something I would never give up on. Somehow I’m still so in love with him.

I wish I knew how to gain his respect back. Sometimes I think I definitely have, but then sometimes I am not so sure. Monday’s are hard. Anyone’s words help. I really thank God for this board

[Ready2Change]

Women fall in love with a man in his presence.

Men fall in love with women in their absence.

[ovrrnbw]

Hi Kech,

I know that feeling. The loneliness, your mind wandering, wanting your spouse to come home and tell you it's going to be alright. But that is a fantasy.

The OW? She's a real piece of work. I wouldn't worry about a piece of garbage like that. It's not worth your time, not even a second. If your husband can treat you like this, don't give him a second thought (easy,right?) and for godsakes don't tell him you miss him or anything else like that. That will embolden him, let him know he has power over you. Find something to do to take your mind off of him and GAL as best as you can.

If he's not reaching out like on Friday, that's ok. Plenty of people go longer than that without hearing from their WS. I know that doesn't make it easier for you, but maybe it's some perspective. As for him falling for the OW, let it go. That's a house built on real solid ground *eyeroll*...

[kech]

R2c,

Is that true? I have never heard that before and I sure hope that’s the truth. I’m struggling a lot lot lot

[kech]

Ovrrnbow thank you so much. It would embolden him, you’re right about that.

It’s so crazy that this one person is who is making you feel like this, yet he’s still the only person I want to talk to and cry to and hug. We will see each other tomorrow. And part of me just doesn’t know how to act. The baby has a doctors appointment and he may go and I’m trying so hard to keep my boundary up of us not being “friends” and also not be cold to him. It’s easy at home because I just leave when he comes here. But in a doctor apt it may be different.

We will see. I hope I feel better soon.

[URE]

There are definitely two people making you feel this way - him and you. You cannot control his contributions to your feelings, but you can control your own contribution (especially with practice). We all have our own internal dialog that drives our mind around and around in the same circles day after day and night after night. Trying reframing the questions you are asking yourself. Ask yourself what you can do to heal today and how you can push your healing forward. Try to change your obsession from his affair to your recovery and your survival from his affair. Little by little it can change your mood for the better.

...and nighttime is definitely the worst part for me too. It is invariably the first thing I think of every morning when I wake up alone.

Also remind yourself that you will be over this someday. I wish that I could tell you that you'll get over this soon. But it is an intense emotional trauma and it takes time to heal.

[Ready2Change]

Women fall in love with a man in his presence.

Men fall in love with women in their absence.

I read that in a book. I believe it is true in general.



We know you are struggling. This is one of the toughest things you will go through. And guess what....you will come out the other-side a healthier person.


Do you know the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button?

For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.