DB / Detach- Will we ever piece it together

[neffer]

It’s about time now Did. It takes time. Just keep expectations low to protect yourself. But keep moving forward. Have a nice weekend man.

[Did]

Thanks neffer. Goal is being patient and building slowly. Had a good phone convo earlier. Date plans we’d. She wants to get dressed up for me she says. Talked about boundaries no more than one night together in a row. Plans to hang 9-12 instead of overnights. She’s nervous and a little scared but I think we have a chance. Going to wait a week or two before bringing up MC build positive momentum first. But she already agreed she’d like to do it. I have IC 10/2 and 10/9 Indiv. Appt with new MC who is a dr and sex therapist.

[Did]

W says she changes how she feels daily. She told me she loves me and has butterflies last week. I think it comes down to push pull pursuit distance which is so u healthy. She knows it’s not fair to me or any man. She described herself as a mess. Crying pretty hard during conversation today. Told me I’m the best guy she knows. She doesn’t want to be with anyone else. But she needs space she isn’t mentally ready to be with anyone. She asked me to give her a day to herself. She knows her asking for space and pulling away hurts me. And she can’t stand it. I tried to validate and tell her I understand it’s hard etc. shouldn’t of talked so much about relationship even with her talking about it and saying she loved me.

Seeing her like she was today is so hard for me. And it must be harder on her. I was truly happy thinking we were trying to put things together. She was happy for like a while too she told me she loved the butterfly feelings. I feel sad like no motivation. I know I’m better than this and shouldnt allow her to affect me so much. However minimal progression I made detaching obviously wasn’t enough.

I told OW I was no where near ready for things she wants like marriage and kids and took a step back. She wa crying last night.

How long can I do this... do I just embrace DBing stop support. ANd see what she decides. Hurting right now. Thanks all. Yea I’m sure you saw this coming.

[Did]

Brief Text exchange with w. She thanked me for some things and said today can’t happen again. This is the last relationship talk I will ever start. I need to be hit by one of those 2x4s

[ovrrnbw]

What did she mean by "today can't happen again"?

You did a good job validating, but yes table the R talk. You'll know when it's time.

I know you are getting better all of this Did, you really are. Keep working! Detachment doesn't happen overnight, but realize the your W is going through hard stuff too. Let her get through and try to be the best guy you can - for her, but more for you. When she's struggling and you go R talk, I'm sure a lot of emotion came over here. And she might have meant every word she said. Or she might have been lying. Or her feelings might change tomorrow.

That's why you don't get too caught up in anything she says or does. I know you're feeling blue right now, but remember, there isn't a magic epiphany where everything goes back to being great. She might have her own moment where she commits to change, but give him time and let her come to you on this. Keep up the good work.

[Did]

Thanks ovr appreciate you. I figured Steve would be on here yelling st me by now lol.

By today can’t happen again she meant the R talk affecting her so much. Pressure guilt all this stuff she can’t handle. And she breaks down and it affects her a ton. I just have to completely stop with the R talk or expectations.

Not sure if I’ve mentioned this but she fantasizes abouthaving sex with a man and her partner watching then joining. Not sure fin that’s appropriate for this site. The last two guys she dated wanted to do that with her. So I’m not sure where the idea came from. But she has talked about being open to it in regard to being compatible long term. I’ve kind of tip toed the line saying fantasies and thoughts are fine but not sure about going down the path. Swinging is probably not for me A friend of mine had a friend commit suicide over things like this with sharing his woman.

She is so unsure about everything. I know she was happy spending time with me last week. We just need to Ben smarter about boundaries and taking it slow. Not sure if date is happening wed or not. I’m not going to ask again

[ovrrnbw]

Steve is gonna give you a spankin in the morning, you just sit tight!

I agree, the R talk is too much for her, or she is acting. Either way, stop it.

As far as her fantasy, I think that's gross. I couldn't handle it. I don't know what your opinion is on that kind of stuff. I can't share. If you can't, you tell her. Putting it off is no good. And say it in a calm, clear manner.

[Did]

I’d love to hear from Sandi on the sexual stuff. I know W is satisfied with me when we’re together in bed. I think if she lets herself feel or able to consistently be in love she’s won’t want other partners. She’s never done it and doesn’t know what it’s be like. I have said oh yea we’ll do you want to watch me with another woman and she’s extremely jealous. She talked about power exchange seems a little crazy and if we do continue piecing it together we will see sex therapist for MC

[SteveLW]

Hurting right now. Thanks all. Yea I’m sure you saw this coming.

I won't add to your misery. I think each step along this journey is a learning opportunity. The question for you is: What are you going to learn from this?

[Did]

Dropped off d4 this morning. Had breakfast at w house. We brought the positive energy. W is distancing herself. Says it shouldnt be offensive and it’s ok. She feels like she’s hungover every day and hasn’t been drinking.

She told Me how happy she was and she has butterflies and loves me. Then she pulls away and feels worse... hello?! She seems only to be able to use the emotional side of her brain. I think sometime soon I have to have a blunt conversation with her. Yes it’ll be critical and she’ll probably cry. But wtf I can’t keep doing this to myself. Yes I want it to work.

I guess back to being less available and not reaching out. Looks like no day date to creek tomorrow. If she says she does want to go I don’t even know what to say. I’m not cool with scraps and back and forth. It hurts.

She sees the 180s is attracted to me. Knows I’m a great guy.

Haven’t paid Oct support.