Wanted to know so i could read through it as quick as possible. I didnt know how the book was viewed etc. I read a lot of self help books now, so wasnt sure.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
My S doesnt even want much to do with my W anymore. Shes treated him like crap, and hes done the same for quite some time, but hes the kid and shes the adult. She should be willing to keep working on their relationship. She told me the other day that she removed him from her life insurance policy because he treats her bad(he does). Still not right imo.
S doesnt want to talk with her, sit by her, or anything. I stay out of it now because she accused me of talking bad about her to S(never did), when i was really being supportive early on. After that, i said no more. She even snooped through S's phone looking for messages from me bad mouthing her(all she found was one of me telling son that she loves him. She never mentioned that to me....of course.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
Today [censored]. The rainy weather isnt helping either. W started a R talk with me last night after not speaking to me for a day. I validated where necessary, but didnt accept blame for bogus things she tries to blame on me. I didnt realize she was only trying to pump me for information until after the conversation. She then got mad that i wouldnt have a conversation with her that i knew would end up in an argument, and went back to not speaking to me again.
This is as down as ive felt in a while. Depression has hit me pretty hard today. I dont know why but it feels like i took 3 steps backwards.
Needed to vent, nothing to see here....
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
My S seems to be doing worse in school lately, and his home life reflects his attitude as well. He seems to not really care about anything, and this was a problem before W started her A as well. She has a point about me being too lenient on him with everything he has been doing/not doing(but only since she abandoned us). Im concerned because he doesnt have any other outlets and interactions are mainly with mother and me. Im trying to pick my battles with him, choosing whats really important and W chooses to get in S's face about EVERYTHING. Its really hard for me to gice him the tough love he needs all the time while im aware of everything hes going through.
Obviously my W started in on me about not being hard enough on him. Then about my overall parenting abilities over the years(my S and W were my life). I told W im trying to make the best of this mess that was handed to us. She then accused me again of turning our S against her. Which is the opposite of what i did. She physically saw evidence that i supported her to S, but of course she conveniently ignored that. How does WW completely ignore her role in hurting S, and not being present for so much of the last 2 years??
When she switched to R talk and what i did to break down the marriage, i still validated where necessary but i still eventually stood up for myself. WW only tells part of the story, never the entire story which involves everything i did for the family and i let her know that.
I read one of Sandi's post yesterday which had to do with standing up for yourself. When WW tried to get loud i raised my voice and made sure i stood tall, made eye contact, and was uncomfortably close. That seemed to have gotten her attention. Thank you Sandi! Im so tired of turning the other cheek.
After everything that happened yesterday, im really hurting today. Physically im literally in pain.
HELP!!! Any advice?
Last edited by equalzr; 10/02/1802:33 PM.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
I feel you, had the first real moment last night when my WW wanted to have a R conversation. I let her know her actions in the last 5 months are hurting the whole house. She denied responsibility and beckoned S14 who told her how it is. I too was accused of poisoning him when all I have ever said was that that was your mom and she is sorting things out in her life give her time. My S is 14, he's not dumb, when mom is away every weekend he knows something is up.
I didn't take any of that BS either, I drew the line and said you need to own up to your sitch and the effects its having as well as your role in our M if it has been that miserable.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I feel you, had the first real moment last night when my WW wanted to have a R conversation. I let her know her actions in the last 5 months are hurting the whole house. She denied responsibility and beckoned S14 who told her how it is. I too was accused of poisoning him when all I have ever said was that that was your mom and she is sorting things out in her life give her time. My S is 14, he's not dumb, when mom is away every weekend he knows something is up.
I didn't take any of that BS either, I drew the line and said you need to own up to your sitch and the effects its having as well as your role in our M if it has been that miserable.
I want to unload both barrels (verbally) on her so bad for doing such a s**ty thing to not only me, but our family. She had a husband who was always willing to change to try and make her happy. Many of the situations she was unhappy about were ones she is responsible for creating, not to mention she neglected me just as well.
I told my S that my W had worked really hard, took great care of us, and now she needed a break and we need to love her and be patient. Pretty horrible things to say right??? My S is older too, so he can figure out things too. Sadly he gives me that look like arent you going to do something to stop this. Makes me feel pretty small.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
Oh I wanted to unload too, but son said enough for me and I saw that she was hurt. He threw in that she walked out on her family as well. She tried to rebutt with "do you know what dad did? he put a tracker on my car". Should have asked "well why did i have to do that?"
She commented today how emotionally bad she feels because of last night and still thinking about it today. Recommended we get S14 into IC....I didn't comment but was thinking...uh maybe you need to get your ars in IC, I think son is thinking straight and is upset because his mom has been running around town all summer like a teenager. He has not had any social or behavioral problems since this started, just frustrated with her.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
