Trying to really breathe today. Having constant knot in my stomach and feeling super anxious from all this. I hope this is just me really facing what is happening.
I dont know. So hard. He is supposed to meet me at the doctors for the babys appointment and I dont even know how to act. I know we will be in the waiting room together for a while.
kech, I remember that early on in my sitch. Weird thing was is the anxiety and knot was gone whenever I was around my W. So I am guessing once you are together, it will ease up.
But just keep doing what you have been. Upbeat, pleasant. Don't start conversation but engage in it when he does. Be the spouse only a complete and utter fool would leave.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I dont understand why all of a sudden it feels this bad. I am too consumed with OW. He seems like he is legitimately in a relationship with her now and it is really doing something to me. This is the worst feeling in the entire world.
I just want my H back, as he was. I want to ask him WHY he is doing this with OW. I want to ask him if he is serious about her.
None of which I will ask but I feel like I want to. My mom knows a little of what is going on and she keeps telling me I need to be honest with him and that im holding back too much, but she doesnt know about DBing and all that so she gets frustrated when I dont say things to him.
I keep thinking things will get easier with time and they seem to continue getting harder and harder.
I dunno, but I know db'ing has been working for me a lot better than pursuing and badgering. I had no hope until I came here and started listening as best I could.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I just want my H back, as he was. I want to ask him WHY he is doing this with OW. I want to ask him if he is serious about her.
None of which I will ask but I feel like I want to. My mom knows a little of what is going on and she keeps telling me I need to be honest with him and that im holding back too much, but she doesnt know about DBing and all that so she gets frustrated when I dont say things to him.
I keep thinking things will get easier with time and they seem to continue getting harder and harder.
Let me ask again: Do you want someone, anyone to have that kind of power over you?
Don't tell me what you want. Don't tell me how you feel. Just objectively answer that question.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
There is no responsibility. She is new, different, and unpredictable. She is meeting needs that were not being met in the marriage. This is WHY he is doing this.
This is why it is critical for you to drop the rope. Do 180's. Kech is not a NUN. You are a sex goddess. (If that is what you want to be).
You want H to see YOU as new, different, unpredictable.
He thinks he knows you. PROVE HIM WRONG.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Kech, you can do this. You know what you need to do. We believe in you.
And you are free to not take our advice, no one is forcing you. You can reach out and you can ask questions. You are free to do this. Just know that you will more than likely feel worse about yourself and seem needy and desperate. You will feel worse knowing what you learn, if he even admits to anything. Also, he will most likely find some satisfaction in knowing that you are hanging on to him and he will be more secure that you are still available when and if he changes his mind.
I did this for many months and each time is set me back further!!!
Look, no one wants someone that is needy and desperate. Sorry, that is a hard truth. People are naturally attracted to those that are confident and strong. IMO, the waywards and walkaways that come running back are to the LBS that are not posing on these boards; they are the ones that have strong boundaries and turn their back and say, "nope, no way, I am done and moving on without this fool!"
More importantly, do you really want a man that can up and leave you and your baby? Not who you think he was or should be, who he is TODAY. A strong and confident woman does not want a cheater and an abandoner.
Start working on the strong and confident Kech, she is in there!!!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
I just got done at the doctor and I made a mistake there. H and I were in the waiting room and he told me that he wont be traveling for work anymore. Immediately my stomach dropped and I said to him, "I didnt want you to travel for work, and now that youre with someone else youre going to stop travelling?"
He looked at me and said "you really want to do this here?" So I said nothing back and we went on with the appointment like nothing happened. Havent heard from him since. I typed out a text asking him to come over, but I never sent it. I just have so many questions for him and I just want him to know what he is doing is wrong.
I know I shouldnt have said anything. I know. UGH. Im just drowning.
