Kech, I relate to you so much so it’s hard to give advice. I know what it feels like to be physically ill/ hurting over missing him. Wishing he was home with you and the baby. He’s on my mind 24/7 it’s awful. I also have a hard time DBing. Lastnight he was in a good mood and I finally said to him can we talk?? He actually said yes and listened to me and although he had his “wall” up and I didn’t get much in return it was the first time he agreed to sit down and talk. I basically told him for our kids I need to “let go” and I can’t keep living like this it’s not fair to them. I have noticed a big difference in his attitude around me since DBing. He is more calm / sticks around longer. I get what your Moms point is with being honest. I’m sure at this point though your husband knows exactly how you feel about him as well as mine does. Everyone is right when they say we have no control and they need to realize it for them selves. Every day that goes by they seem further and further away.
Are you sure he told you he’s not traveling anymore because of her ? It’s impossible to know. Why would he mention it to you?? Maybe he wanted to show you positive change because he knew that was something that bothered you in the marriage. It’s easy to always think the worst I do the same
Mama, you nailed it. I’m sorry you’re going through this too. It is by far the most difficult thing I’ve ever experienced.
I went rogue today and I’m not proud. WHen H said via text he would stop seeing Ow and doesn’t want to hear about it anymore, I didn’t respond. He then texted more about me not responding and I said “it’s not worth a response. keep your lies to yourself”.
He then said he is being honest. And asked what I want us to do. Then he said, “If you'd had put half the effort over the years you are now maybe we wouldnt be in this.”
I told him I’m so disgusted by what he’s doing I wish I could have nothing to do with him. He said if I feel that way then we should end this. And then he said he wished he felt the same about me.... saying he wishes he felt like he wants nothing to do with me. Whatever
Long story short, we said nothing when he came over to see D and I left the house immediately.
I know this wasn’t good bc I shouldn’t have responded to any, I shouldn’t have texted him. I just needed to feel like I have my dignity. I needed him to know I didn’t believe his lies and I knew he was seeing her, and now he’s admitted it. And now he’s angry again but this time I don’t care. I’m done being so nice. He has flipped my world upside down. If this causes him to file then so be it.
You guys were all right. He was solidifying his plan A while keeping me around as plan b. That’s not right. I’m his wife. He needs to have respect for me. I’m so sick of him living that life with OW as if I’m unaware or all is well. All isn’t well. I’m not ok with it. I can’t change it, I know that. But me being as nice as I had been was so unnecessary and out of fear and I see it now.
kech, I'm going to use some angry verbage here. And it's all aimed at your H. Please do not be offended, but what I am going to say falls in line with others here regarding how they feel about H and his OW:
Originally Posted by kech
I went rogue today and I’m not proud. WHen H said via text he would stop seeing Ow and doesn’t want to hear about it anymore, I didn’t respond. He then texted more about me not responding and I said “it’s not worth a response. keep your lies to yourself”.
You sound angry. And you have every right to be. You have no reason to trust the lying, cheating, gaslighting a$$hole. Good for you for showing your strength to him.
Originally Posted by kech
“If you'd had put half the effort over the years you are now maybe we wouldnt be in this.”
Temp checking.
Emotional response: "Go f*ck yourself. I put in effort in all of the time we were together. Your head was too far up your a$$ to notice."
Logical response (validation): "I'm sorry you feel that way."
Originally Posted by kech
I told him I’m so disgusted by what he’s doing I wish I could have nothing to do with him. He said if I feel that way then we should end this. And then he said he wished he felt the same about me.... saying he wishes he felt like he wants nothing to do with me. Whatever
I sympathize with you on your response. Taking the high road is hard and it's ok to be angry and tell him what you feel. Following the garbage he spewed, validate.
Originally Posted by kech
Long story short, we said nothing when he came over to see D and I left the house immediately.
Good work. He needs to know you are GAL and it does not revolve around him.
Originally Posted by kech
I know this wasn’t good bc I shouldn’t have responded to any, I shouldn’t have texted him. I just needed to feel like I have my dignity. I needed him to know I didn’t believe his lies and I knew he was seeing her, and now he’s admitted it. And now he’s angry again but this time I don’t care. I’m done being so nice. He has flipped my world upside down. If this causes him to file then so be it.
You are hurt. And are in tremendous pain and having to deal with it on a regular basis. You have every right to yell in agony. You have every right to cry because it hurts so much. For him to do what he is doing is $hitty. That being said, continue to use the pain to grow and strengthen yourself. I know it does not feel like it, but each day it gets a little better. You will have better days than others. You will dip and have down days. But then you will bounce back and continue to get stronger. You do not need to ask us whether you are doing the right things with this process. You KNOW you are doing the right things. You see and feel it. We see it and feel it. Your family, friends, support group sees and feels it. And your H sees and feels it.
Originally Posted by kech
He just texted me “so how do we make this so you don’t have to have anything to do with me?”
He’s exhausting me. I have no clue how to answer that. He knows I have no clue how to answer that
I would not answer that at all. He is temp checking you and really working hard to elicit a negative response.
You are doing great.
Build on that. Continue to do things that make you happy. When was the last time you were made to feel special? When was the last time you pampered/treated yourself? Go out and get a mani/pedi/hair done. Go get that cute dress you wanted and wear it.
Show the world that you are a strong, smart, beautiful kech.
Be the kech that your fool H is leaving. Make him know that he is becoming more foolish everyday because his a$$hole actions.
Wow, I know R2C collects good quotes, but that entire post from pain18...just wow. That deserves an award.
Kech, you've got a lot of really cool people on your team here. They're gonna get you on your feet so you can put your boxing gloves on. You can do this.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
