My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 4

[neffer]

Keep DB ovr. Don’t scare the squirrel.

Protect yourself: no expectations, remember?

[Ready2Change]

Now I get a text from her saying "I just sometimes get these missing you feelings...hard to explain and I have no control over the feelings".

These are the feeling you want her to have. Whatever you are doing is working. Keep doing what works.

Never chase a cat. Let the cat come to you.

[Phoenix9]

Do I respond?

I got another text an hour later apologizing for the first text, then an hour later another text about a deal at a fast food place.

ROOTING FOR YOU!!!! *cheer*

[ovrrnbw]

The funny thing is I was having some disgusting thoughts yesterday and considering what things would be like if I filed and ended this #$%^show. And just kinda sad thinking about that, but decided there's still some hope so no go on that.

But of course she can sense that kind of thing, so here she is again. My goal is to just not react, stay calm, think logically. Super easy...

Thanks for responding everybody.

[toenail]

The funny thing is I was having some disgusting thoughts yesterday and considering what things would be like if I filed and ended this #$%^show. And just kinda sad thinking about that, but decided there's still some hope so no go on that.

But of course she can sense that kind of thing, so here she is again. My goal is to just not react, stay calm, think logically. Super easy...

Thanks for responding everybody.

stay stronger ovrr!

[Terapin]

The funny thing is I was having some disgusting thoughts yesterday and considering what things would be like if I filed and ended this #$%^show. And just kinda sad thinking about that, but decided there's still some hope so no go on that.

But of course she can sense that kind of thing, so here she is again. My goal is to just not react, stay calm, think logically. Super easy...

Thanks for responding everybody.

I get those same thoughts man.

[NicoleR]

Ovrrnbw, there's still hope in your situation. Since you didn't kick her out or file for divorce, which is totally your call, this could drag on for a while I imagine. Hopefully she'll figure out what she wants before you run out of patience. I feel so sad in all our situations thinking how all these days, weeks, and months we could be living out our dreams, enjoying life with our spouses just like we imagined when we married them, and here were are watching them run around with other people destroying their lives and ours too.

[Phoenix9]

Ovrrnbw, there's still hope in your situation. Since you didn't kick her out or file for divorce, which is totally your call, this could drag on for a while I imagine. Hopefully she'll figure out what she wants before you run out of patience. I feel so sad in all our situations thinking how all these days, weeks, and months we could be living out our dreams, enjoying life with our spouses just like we imagined when we married them, and here were are watching them run around with other people destroying their lives and ours too.

The flip-side of this is that we are improving our lives in ways we never thought possible. Coming to grips with our issues and fixing them instead of using our S to cover up/ignore/brush aside our problems.

[Did]

Ovr thanks for all your comments on my thread. I read through this thread of yours. Your W seems as conflicted as mine. But she is current with OM. Mine has been with multiple OM but ive been with OW, we have sold house, moved apart etc... similar W issues, different lives.

Anyway, I think you are doing incredible well. The GAL activities - cooking, hunting etc. Do that more. If you are busy and happy that is attractive. Do what feels good. For me its playing lacrosse, coaching and being around kids and quality people.

Do NOT take the bait with W on her feelings. I know it feels good to hear, so good. But who cares... like your priest said. If shes not committing to work on reconciliation what is there to talk about. The stuff with her coming in the bedroom and watching shows etc... Id think of 2 or 3 one liners to give her. Like are you still having sex or seeing OM, why are you in my bedroom? Are you committing to work on reconciling, why are you in the marital bed? If she wants to talk she can stand up or pull a chair up or whatever.

I would do MC before I was physical with her. Sex is easy as you see in my sitch. And then since you know each other have connection and desire the sex is really good. At least for us.... then it made me re-attach... from personal experience.

I have had the conflicting thoughts about divorcing her, being fed up etc. Im paying a lot of money per month so that feeds into it... but like everyone says, if you dont want to be divorced dont do it.

Do what you would tell me to do. Do not make emotional decisions. Yea Im a lot better at giving advice than following... my NGS is worse than I thought. Im back to DBing... after sleeping with my W 7-8 times in the last couple weeks. I know how frustrating (understatement of a lifetime) it can be.

Good luck, stay strong, ill be reading.

[SteveLW]

I would do MC before I was physical with her. Sex is easy as you see in my sitch. And then since you know each other have connection and desire the sex is really good. At least for us.... then it made me re-attach... from personal experience.

This is so true. This is why we generally tell LBS that if the WAS initiates it is okay to engage IF you can do it without attaching significance or expectations. Did's case is a good one because I believe his WAS used sex TO get him reattached so he would keep giving her the voluntary support.