I am trying to just take deep breaths honestly. The knot in my stomach is always the worst in the mornings. I appreciate everything you all wrote to me, it helps to know you think im on the right track.
I kind of dont know what my next move is. I wont hear or see him today because its not his day. And of course I know he didnt end things with OW like he said he would. Especially since I said I wanted nothing to do with him. But I am glad I said those things, That was a total 180 for me. But it was time. Being nice wasnt working so at least I was honest.
Just trying to make it through today without too much focus on him and her. So far im not doing that great, but once I get through the work day I will start to feel better.
The one thing I really have got to work on is not focusing so much on him and OW. Everyone says on here "shes not as important as you think", but it seems like if he is continually seeing her, she obviously is important to him. It makes me so sick, and gives me anxiety big time. He says yesterday he is going to end things with her, as if it would just be so easy. I know he is lying, but even him just admitting it like that makes me so sick to my stomach.
Im angry with him. Im disgusted. Im really going through hell and he just isnt and im done making this easy for him. I just deserve so much more than how he is treating me.
I just feel like he is just going to keep going just as things were. He will come over tomorrow on his time, I will leave, I will come back and he will leave, he will go to OW's house, and it will all just continue as it has been. And I am just not ok with it. I cant live everyday knowing he is off with another woman. I feel like I will have to tell him I am going to file. I dont want to. I just cannot keep going everyday like it has been with him just pretending he isnt doing something wrong when I know he is. It is killing me too much.
He seems like he just wants to keep me hooked incase he wants me again one day, and thats just so wrong. Like he isnt completely ready to let go but he doesnt want to work on us either. And I dont think I can stick around in the middle anymore. You guys are obviously stronger than me. If I felt hope, I might be able to wait it out and see if his A fizzles and he comes back, but I dont think I can do that.
Only file IF you are ready. Do not do it to try to manipulate him. It will backfire. You say you don't want to file. Usually that is the sign that you're not ready.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I am going to tell him I dont want his help around the house anymore. I dont want anything from him while he is with OW. He can still help pay bills of course, but I dont want his assistance with the upkeep because all that does is keep his ego going like he is still the man of the house. And he isnt.
