One other thing he said yesterday. When I said I am disgusted with what he is doing and wish I could have nothing to do with him. He said he wishes he felt the same about me. And I said its just how I feel. And he said If thats how you really feel then f*ck you. Then he went into how I just want him to be gone. Then he said "F*ck you, f*ck us, f*ck all of this!" and from there he just kept going and I wasnt responding to any of it. And then he asked if he should even come over and I said "Its your day, your decision" (in regards to seeing daughter). Then he kept texting, I didnt respond to any of this, then he called me, I didnt answer, and then he texted that he was on his way and I left.
So all it took was me saying I am disgusted by what he is doing for him to spiral and get this angry, but isnt it common sense that I would be disgusted with what he is doing? He truly felt like I was just content with it, or just believed he wasnt doing anything. It seems crazy to me that he was that angry to hear me say that as if he was under the impression I would never "not want anything to do with" him. As if I would just continue hanging on and be okay with this.
You have no control over whether or not he continues to see another woman. That's his choice. How you react to that choice is all up to you. Screaming at him telling him it's wrong gets you no where (I know first hand). You would be showing him it's ok if you continued to act like a wife and worked on the marriage while he was still seeing her. You would be showing him it's ok if you don't hold firm boundaries.
As for waiting around, no, you should be living a life, not waiting to act on his decisions. This should happen whether or not he is seeing someone or not. You should be GAL either way. None of that changes.
I feel for you. My ex left me for OW when our baby was 6 months old. I was 27 years old. I didn't find out until later the cheating started when I was pregnant (with our IVF, high risk baby, nonetheless). I hated him. I hated her. he never looked back and he has been married to OW for 7 years now. I am civil with them both. My daughter is 11 now. I have been raising her on my own ever since (he has custody, but I raise her on my own). Know either way you will survive and thrive.
If anything is key, it's having that life of your own. Being self supportive.I can't stress it all enough.
... and from there he just kept going and I wasnt responding to any of it. And then he asked if he should even come over and I said "Its your day, your decision" (in regards to seeing daughter). Then he kept texting, I didnt respond to any of this, then he called me, I didnt answer, and then he texted that he was on his way and I left.
OMG! You handled this perfect.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Wow. I am so sorry you had to go through that. It is hell on earth thats for sure. I think where I struggle the most is with my responses. And Steve has told me over and over only answer y/n questions, informative texts dont need responses. Only discuss daughter. But I tend to be too nice. Not make clear boundaries. I have been SO afraid of making him mad because as soon as he is mad he throws divorce and custody issues at me, but I am feeling no longer afraid of that. He is doing wrong, I have every right to set boundaries, and if he has a problem with my boundaries then he can do what he needs to do.
I just need to stick to them. I constantly let things go because I felt like if I wasnt the level headed one, then the situation would just go completely south. But it isnt my job to clean up his messes.
I was given a team of lawyers info by my boss and spoke with him about it. When I went to the IC she asked if I had spoken to lawyers and I told her I was going to speak to them and she suggested I dont. She said they werent the right people to go to. She is going to give me names of good family lawyers in our city when I go to her next week. I am to the point where I would like to speak to a lawyer even though I do not want to file. I am also not afraid to let my H know I have spoken to one.
Really trying to keep breathing and get through this day. The anxiety is so strong it makes it so hard. Part of me would have thought he would be affected by yesterdays conversation and may reach out today, but I told myself ahead of time he wouldnt. I truly am NOT dealing with the H I once knew, who would NEVER be able to get through a day not knowing how I feel if we had an argument. I wish he was scared to lose me like he was a few months ago. I just handled it so wrong back then.
KitCat, I appreciate your words of hope, that helps. Ovrrnbow, youre right. a little goes a long way. I will measure my words. R2C, im so glad you think I handled yesterday well. I didnt even know I was DBing while doing it but I was trying!
I will have the baby so not much time for pampering, but I will cook myself a nice dinner once I get her fed and bathed and settled down. Id also like to get some stuff organized in the house and my calendar together for the month.
Im finding this to continuously get harder and I just never would have thought that. I would think it would be better with time, but I am truly truly struggling with how much I miss the old him, and also just him being with someone else. Those thoughts wreck you. And this is wrecking me day in and day out. I must say, having you guys on here is a bright light in all of this.
