Thank you! Im at the brink of just taking the easy way out bc the pain is so horrific. The easy way out would be to tell my H just come home. Whether he would or not, it would open the door to it and we would start communicating more, etc. But I know that would do nothing for me but prolong this because then he would REALLY never have to take responsibility. I just am having such a hard time with this pain, It seems to be getting worse and worse as time goes on, and I am sure thats bc with everyday that passes I feel like he is building something stronger with OW. Its like were settling into roles as separated parents and I cant even believe it. The things we discuss now just blow my mind. I just want to say to him WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?! ITS US!
Sometimes I think he just wants me to tell him to come home. Sometimes I am convinced he is just fine without me. Either way, im drowning.
So even though I leave when he comes, hes still getting that glimpse into our world, he isnt fully losing anything yet.And I dont really know how to change that in our sitch.
This is part of the problem. You are trying to manipulate a change and it isn't genuine. The cycle will continue.
Your H has given you a gift. The gift of opportunity to grow and become the best Kech possible. Quit staring into the sun knowing that it hurts. You will have more influence on the outcome of your sitch than you realize.
You just posted that you don't know how to change that in your sitch. GAL, Detachment, Boundaries, Self-Improvement.
It is easy to see from the outside looking in, because emotions cause us fear. Trust the process.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I told him when he has his own place she will be able to just come to his house. But I dont know if he has moved towards that in any way at all or what. I dont even know where he sleeps. He wants me to think he sleeps at his best friends, but of course he stays with OW.
Once he has a place, D can go there and that will make things much different I believe.
So even though I leave when he comes, hes still getting that glimpse into our world, he isnt fully losing anything yet.And I dont really know how to change that in our sitch.
This is part of the problem. You are trying to manipulate a change and it isn't genuine. The cycle will continue.
Your H has given you a gift. The gift of opportunity to grow and become the best Kech possible. Quit staring into the sun knowing that it hurts. You will have more influence on the outcome of your sitch than you realize.
You just posted that you don't know how to change that in your sitch. GAL, Detachment, Boundaries, Self-Improvement.
It is easy to see from the outside looking in, because emotions cause us fear. Trust the process.
Thanks LITB. I dont think people realize how much strength I get from just you guys saying I do have power in this, and there is a bit of hope in my sitch. I feel so powerless day in and day out for some reason. I need to KNOW I do have power in this. He is giving me the gift of time, but in that time, im consumed by him and OW and what the time is giving them.
I know my H so well. I know he can get into a routine with someone and just feel very comfortable and content and be good with it, and im so afraid thats what he is doing with her. I cant even believe my mind is telling me to ask him to move home. How in the WORLD do I go from Tuesday telling him im disgusted by him as hes trying to discuss us, to Friday where im thinking should I just tell him to come stay the night. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. Goodness
Thank you! Im at the brink of just taking the easy way out bc the pain is so horrific. The easy way out would be to tell my H just come home. Whether he would or not, it would open the door to it and we would start communicating more, etc. But I know that would do nothing for me but prolong this because then he would REALLY never have to take responsibility. I just am having such a hard time with this pain, It seems to be getting worse and worse as time goes on, and I am sure thats bc with everyday that passes I feel like he is building something stronger with OW. Its like were settling into roles as separated parents and I cant even believe it. The things we discuss now just blow my mind. I just want to say to him WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?! ITS US!
Sometimes I think he just wants me to tell him to come home. Sometimes I am convinced he is just fine without me. Either way, im drowning.
Pressure. Pursuit. It never works.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I just looked it up and read about it. Wish I had read that a year ago. I think I may need to write down my boundaries and stick to them. I need to remember that the life he is living right now would not work in a healthy marriage. Or at the least the life he was living when he lived at home a month ago. I dont really know what he does now. But i know theres OW, and thats a clear boundary.
Sometimes it feels like he wants me to initiate things, but I know I shouldnt have to. He needs to take responsibility and then take action. If hes not willing to take action then its all pointless
From the outside looking in, does it seem like I have more power in this than I am aware of?
Of course. It just takes time, patience and work.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
