SO WW and OM must have made up, wife started texting very angry at ALL the things I have done wrong in our 17 year marriage, all the way back to not helping her move out of first marital home before we were even engaged because I was working. All the emotional abuse, the games that I played with her and hurt I've caused the family. Hard to believe that I have done that much for so long and she never left me before?
Typical get all the blame and accepts no responsibility but I fully expect that she has reconciled with OM and that is why she initiated argument. Sorry but I am at that point again where I see no hope and want to pull the D trigger.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
WW texted yesterday that she doesn't want to speak to me, see me again ever. This morning she was texting about bills, then made sure to text that she would not be home till later tonight. I gave no responses to all.
Funny she wants NC yet initiates multiple as a courtesy.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Figured I'd update.....man you go for a good run and GAL is working for me and detaching has my mind on me and my son. Then one day hits and you feel overwhelmed to want all the answers and dive back in. Fighting hard today....just want to know what went wrong and what she is thinking. I know I will fight that urge just need to keep the marathon pace.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Better this morning, WW asked for a sit down last night...while drinking of course. Tried to justify her actions to hormones, menopause...I get it but walking out? I don't think so. I did very well validating and did suggest some alternatives to alleviate anxiety in the house, moving out, settlement, etc. Yes we were at that point and was comfortable bringing it up. She commented on me not being here when she is around the house and wasn't comfortable with the changes I had made in myself and I used that time to say that since we cannot promise each other anything I will be alright either way. I am taking care of me and doing what makes me happy.
I let her know her actions were hurting the whole house and she summoned S14 to ask if her being away on weekends upset him. Bad move, of course he said yes and how long this has been going on and she isnt acting like a mom. This triggered her into a "you've got everyone in your corner" moment, but I also think it might have been a turning point because she sees the true impact of her actions on her child. She can lie to me but you can't lie to him when you aren't here. Texting and calling is not parenting.
She was very upset and started getting angry blaming me for not wanting her and abandoning her over our 17 year marriage. I took that time to say that I was not going to continue the conversation if it remained an angry attack. I did tell her though that that R, that M is over, I would never look back to it because it caused her so much pain. She seemed very distraught that I could discard that time so easily.
Fast forward 45 minutes and after text after angry text with no response and no pursuit, she was in the basement apologizing to son and trying to do the same with me. I chalked it up as another attempt to control me that failed but maybe she saw how far she is damaging her son and maybe she needs to look at her life choices.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
WW texted yesterday that she doesn't want to speak to me, see me again ever. This morning she was texting about bills, then made sure to text that she would not be home till later tonight. I gave no responses to all.
Funny she wants NC yet initiates multiple as a courtesy.
Yea, she's all over the place. Quit putting stock in what she says.
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This triggered her into a "you've got everyone in your corner" moment
I hope you told her the truth on this as nicely as possible.
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She was very upset and started getting angry blaming me for not wanting her and abandoning her over our 17 year marriage
As Steve would say, that's rich.
How did you respond to her apologizing, what was she saying, and it doesn't seem like anything has really changed for her yet? This was just a I feel bad apology but I'm not changing a thing type of apology?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
She apologized about her waywardness but I did not respond, how do you without bringing up OM. Def just a feel bad apology....and honestly no change in my temperature. She acknowledged that she's hurting me but can't let go of me, again I was emotionless and let her know that I am moving on with my life regardless of her sitch and that I would be alright either way. Def makes her uncomfortable to hear that and doesn't understand how I can walk away so easily when she is home....really?. I can't get over how the fog makes a WS think and how bad therapy is needed for them to understand what they are doing to their lives.
Proud of myself and my rebound from yesterday feeling a bit down. Thought I would have jumped back in with both feet last night but held my ground, made no promises other than to continue to make myself and my son happy. What she does is her business. I really kept thinking about whether R and a new start would even be worth the effort.
Keep detaching people, enjoy your life and the right person will be there, I'm just not sure who that is yet but I am happier now.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Def validated her feelings about things she said about relationship over the 18 years, her hormonal changes that I will never understand, work stress, etc. All validated until she got angry then drew my line and walked away.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Follow up on last update. She threw one hell of a tirade the night that I described a few posts back. I mean she got nasty and started with my S14 who had some words for her which she needed to hear.
After I walked away, things escalated via text two floors up. I was responsible for all of this and now had my S dragged into it, never seeing that he is old enough to know what is going on. She texted that she was retaining an A tomorrow and wanted her half...then 5 minutes later texted to call the police because I hit her and she was bleeding...and why would I do that. I was sitting next to S and he was like WTF you are right here. I admit I was a bit worried police were coming but S said dad I will tell them you have been here the whole time. Through this whole tirade I never responded and her texts kept coming.
Fast forward 30 minutes, I am reading NMMrNG in my room and I hear W come downstairs apologizing to S, then knocks on my door. My S opens it and in she comes with a smile on her face doing a swan dive into my bed saying this is comfortable and is where she is sleeping. I know I need to avoid these sitches but I am not initiating any of this. She playfully said she would never call the police on me she is trying to get my attention which I am not giving to her.
Long story short she stayed the night in my room, I refuse to pursue or follow to hers. I know posters have said better me than OM but should I be kicking her out if she is throwing herself at me?
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Fridays suck the worst. Is she going away or isn't she for the weekend? I said before it is so much easier when she does leave because there is no anxiety around the house and I can do everything I need to house wise and GAL. My dilemma is after the events this week and comment she made I think she is staying home.
Is it too soon if she wants to do something with me instead of OM? We tried that two weeks ago and it was somewhat of a s***show. She has been working on controlling her anger, she has sent a number of things she has been reading about deflection and using that defense mechanism to avoid seeing the fault and shame in herself. These were some things I read about regarding someone with Narcissistic traits and the only way that they could change that in themselves by seeing and understanding their faults. I can see that the last 5-6 months have been 100% deflection of all her pain on me and she did tell me that was wrong and didn't want to do that anymore...we will see.
She has also seen me reading a lot and she too has brought home some self help books in addition to doing research online by the articles she has been sending me. I have not asked about anything and only validated the topics that were sent to me after reading. I'm not sure what all this means but it is definitely more than I have ever seen her do in regards to helping herself since we have been married.
No expectations but if she does decide to reach out this weekend, do I make myself available at all, limited time? I by no means plan to sit and stare at her if she is doing self eval all weekend but at this point do I give her crumbs if she wants them?
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
