ter, i truly understand where you’re coming from. WW ‘s POS is everything that she hates on a man. But just because she heard things that she needed to hear from him, she felt things that she needed to feel. This POS can’t even speak a full meaningful sentence with two pencils on both hands and a flashlight.
Found this somewhere in one of the forums and i’ll share it:
Know Thy Enemy Scumbag Other Man Strategy Book
1. Befriend married woman 2. Allow her vent and discuss relationship issues 3. Exploit information gathered in #2 to manipulate her emotions ("Oh my I would never do that to you") 4. Make your move 5. Have the Husband come unraveled (justifiably) 6. Exploit the #5 to further your knight in shining armor image 7. Other man gets his act together, and inevitably the reality of what you are comes shining through to married woman 8. Tell her its not working out because you can't handle real relationships because you are not a real man 9. Leave the mess you made behind 10. Repeat Step 1 with new victim
lol. Wow that's pretty good.
here's the thing though, no doubt this POS is a loser, and when I eventually do run into him, he'll be making a trip to the dentist shortly after. But, from what I know, and this is what hurts the most, he never fully was a lot of those things. She was the one that initiated
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Hence #2... Believe me, having POS ruin your R is a confidence buster! Even D14 doesn’t understand why WW would fall for somebody like it. But everyday is a new day. As i’ve said maybe they end up together, which is probably good, so they don’t ruin anymore R’s, or they finally see what their R is built on. Just concentrate on you. and if you have kids, be the best father you can be. You are strong, be stronger!
She had no negatives with OM, so it was probably easier for her. Plus he listened to all of her crap, like every guy does in the beginning...and why does every guy do that??? To get the hanky panky. Does it matter to your W? Not right now. But it is how things work. Some guys stick with the listening and some don't.
The emotional connection is real. That will make a big difference in sex lives for a lot of women. They just want to be heard and understood and I get that. But we get too caught up in telling our take on it, or fixing it, to establish that connection. Just think about that Terp.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
W and I went to a concert last night. Not exactly my type of music, but it wasn't bad. We had a good time (I think). No R talk or anything, just had fun together.
Still zero physical contact, which was a bit disappointing. She did sleep in the bed when we got home, but no sex or anything.
All in all, a somewhat positive night. Would have been nice to get a peck on the cheek or something at least, but oh well.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
W called today and said she talked to the marriage counselor she's been trying to get a hold of. Scheduled an appt for later this week. Discussing my feeling with anyone has never been my strong suit, let alone a stranger. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad we're going, but at least for me, it's a bit scary.
Anyway, I'm sure the advice would be 'listen and validate', but does anyone that went through MC have any advice, or at least what I should be prepared for?
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Depends on your Ws motives. If she is there to fix the marriage it will be a good experience and most likely you will come out of it with a stronger marriage.
If she is just there to check the box of see why tried marriage counseling and it didn't work. Then this will most likely be an awful experience and you will feel attacked when she uses words like "he never ......." "he always ......".
You'll know pretty early on what her intentions are based on her participation and statements she makes.
Listening and validating in the beginning is great advice.
I wouldn't contribute much of your own thoughts until her intentions become clear. Listen and validate, positive attitude and body language, no arguments. That would be a good focus point for starters.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
