Now when I got home after counseling my wife had turned nutjob. She was yelling at me about how I was just going to bend her over and screw her. I am just a taker that all I have ever done is take. She just needs more cash, I need to give her more cash since she going to walk away from all our stuff or the rest lithis wasn't agreed on in mediation so no idea what she is talking about). She says I dont communicate with her and I have had 2 hours to give her an answer about cash (I barely walked in the door still no idea what she is talking about.
By the time you got home, she would have had enough time after the morning meeting to get on the phone with her girlfriends or whoever is whispering in her ear. Especially if any of them are divorced or male bashers, it could get her worked up pretty quickly. Of course, I don't know that this is what happened. She may have not talked to anyone, and had just spent that time rehashing things in her brain. WW's can be greedy. They can be unreasonable. I will tell any LBH to give his WW what he believes is right/fair (if he has that option in the D), but don't give her any more than that...thinking she will be so appreciative that it will sway her opinion of him. It won't, b/c of the terrible negative attitude she has toward him.
I see some (certainly not all) WW's who are not interested in the stuff acquired during the M, and they aren't even interested in keeping the marital home. They just want money. These types are ready to just drop everything and run off with their lover, or move into his house, or they think they'll buy all new stuff for their new life. As you said, "nut job"...….and it probably won't be the last you'll see her displaying this behavior. After the meeting, things were getting more real when she saw that you couldn't be pushed into doing everything right then & there. So, by the time you got home, things were getting a little tense for her. What does she do? She goes into her bullying routine. Screaming/yelling putdowns at the H is a form of bullying to place enough emotional pressure on the H in order to get what she wants.
Weigh the options and do what you believe is best.
The other thing that I know is that she wouldn't just go run to the OM and shack up with him. She knows I would drain the bank to come after her and that her parent would flip their sh!t and come after her. She would be 100% cut off from her parents money. I do feel strongly that she is in love with the fantasy of being free of me and her marital life and being in her own place.
I want to clarify this part of my response to sandi because as it stands I don't like it. If it's just my W and she leaves because of D, takes as much money as she can and shacks up with OM would be upsetting. However, I would shrug it off and keep moving forward. What I ment from the quoted statement was because we have kids that's where I would take off the gloves and fight dirty. I don't think I have to worry about that because we are both about putting kids first, but I am ready to go to bat for them even against my W if need be.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
If you both were about putting the kids first, you would stay married and work on your isssues together.
R2C,
I wish it wasn't this way. I wish she would stick it out, work on our problems, and put the kids first. Sadly I can't make her. I can only control myself and DB.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
If you both were about putting the kids first, you would stay married and work on your isssues together.
Tell me about it. My W's father even told how important it is to stay together for the kids. I loved living the married life, and dont believe in D, but i really do question marriage at this point. For better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health??? Not many people keeping their vows.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
If you both were about putting the kids first, you would stay married and work on your isssues together.
Tell me about it. My W's father even told how important it is to stay together for the kids. I loved living the married life, and dont believe in D, but i really do question marriage at this point. For better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health??? Not many people keeping their vows.
You know I took my vows serious. I took them with the intent of holding them till the grave. I have broad shoulders and I can carry the weight, both my baggage and hers. I am tough and I can deal with our life problems. What is disappointing or rather heartbreaking is that their is an asterisk behind her vows. She was going around this summer telling people how we will never get divorced and our marriage is great, and she would even tell me similar things. This has made me think maybe she never had my back or had it with an asterisk. Maybe this whole time I am just standing here alone and didn't even realize it. I think its good to be independently strong, emotionally secure and satisfied. However its nice knowing you have a partner in crime to have your back when you deal with life's problems. Events like these really shake your core and make you look into the mirror and reevaluate your life. I am changing, I am growing, I will be stronger for the better. This may feel like a road bump, but I tell my self everyday this is just a catalyst to speed up that process.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
Well I went home for lunch today. Went upstairs to put some of the daughter's stuff away in their room. Wife's pillow and blanket was on the couch she sleeps in up there. Something just came over me and I laid on the couch and buried my face in her pillow and held onto her blanket. The smell of her just brought up a lot of good memories and I had a good hard long cry. It felt good to just let go. It wasn't crying for longing, or crying for why me, why did this happen. It was a letting go like grieving as if she had passed. In a sense she has, all that remains is a distorted reflection of who she is. It felt good to get it off my chest like things were lighter. I went back to work and felt better.
I had dinner with my folks and sis. Sis started showing me FB of W. Looks like W posted pics of our kids on FB which was always an agreement by both of us to never do. It made me so mad I dropped a bunch of F bombs in front of my mom which in my family is a big no go. I noticed OM and W are FB friends and looks like they comment on each others pics. (Sis isn't stupid suspects there is an OM) Gave the phone back and just told sis looking at W FB just makes me angry and don't want to ruin dinner. Asked her just to let me know if W posts any FB pics of kids in a bad sitch. Family wanted to talk the whole time about W, the D, mediation. Didn't share much, but definitely need to build better boundaries with them. This sitch is feeling like it's all consuming and I don't want it to be.
Came home and W was in a happy mood because she was going to look at a couple houses.
Btw what is a truth dart?
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
"If you truly cared about the well being of our children, you would work on the marriage"
How often do I throw out a truth dart? I have plenty of opportunities. I unknowingly threw some out already. I had an opportunity this morning for one similar to the children one you stated R2C.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
IMO are a waste of time. They know the truth so there is no need to call them out on it.
The way the world is setup now the odds were so stacked against you to go the distance when you got together at 17& 15. I'm pretty sure this would have been the outcome no matter what you did or didn't do.
As you said, "nut job"...….and it probably won't be the last you'll see her displaying this behavior. After the meeting, things were getting more real when she saw that you couldn't be pushed into doing everything right then & there. So, by the time you got home, things were getting a little tense for her. What does she do? She goes into her bullying routine. Screaming/yelling putdowns at the H is a form of bullying to place enough emotional pressure on the H in order to get what she wants.