Whirlwind of hurt 2

[Twofeet]

Yeah and I wish my W was a church to hear the reading and sermon. Not that it would likely do any good.

[equalzr]

Yeah and I wish my W was a church to hear the reading and sermon. Not that it would likely do any good.

It wouldnt. Sorry.

My W even went so far as to say a prophet told her to keep moving forward and not to look back. I mean really? God wants you to have an A, go M.I.A on your family, and then get a D?? She conveniently skipped over the messages from a pastor saying keep your families together, sin of the flesh..., and the other various nessages she has heard. These WW are some weird creatures and their minds will spin any and everything to support their cause. If it doesnt support it they will lash out.

[Twofeet]

She has currently locked herself in the bathroom and is crying pretty hard. She wants me to keep the kids away. I told her if she needs to talk I will listen, then I walked away.

[equalzr]

Just be there for the kids so hopefully they dont witness it. What led up this, anything specific?

[Twofeet]

Just be there for the kids so hopefully they dont witness it. What led up this, anything specific?

I'm playing with the kids to keep them from seeking their mom.

Pretty much read my previous posts from today. She went house shopping with her mom. She found something said she was going to put in an offer this week. Asked if she could proceed with finalizing mediation. I said do what you need to do. I did some handyman jobs around the house. We had dinner, but W ate upstairs to watch her show. Gave her space. DB like a madman. All weekend I have been working on staying very confident, nonchalant, good mood, basically like I am moving on. She had been in high spirits all day. All smiles laughed at a few of my jokes.
Maybe it's all hitting her, maybe its guilt, maybe she is just riding the rollercoaster.
I think I did the right thing. If I truly understood women I probably wouldn't be in this sitch.

[Twofeet]

Well two hours later she came out of my bathroom eyes all bloodshot from crying. I said are you ok? Do you need to talk? She said no she would be fine she just wanted her space. I said okay and then I went and put the kids to bed. We said our good nights and that was the end of that.

Love from a distance. Be the lighthouse.

[Twofeet]

Something D8 decided to share with me on the way home from church yesterday. She was talking about how wife is always looking at new houses never happy with our house. "Dad, God gives us what we need not what we want." Very true I tell her. Even though she is in the dark the insights of children sometimes are very piercing whether they know it or not.
Maybe I don't understand the ultimate purpose, but it may be what's needed not what's wanted.

[Again18]

TF you're doing good, continue to give her her space. This isn't the time to tell her she doesn't have to do this, she's grieving the loss of your relationship. It seems like she might be questioning it and she probably is but she is also rationalizing her decision and her grief is part of that process. Stay the course you are doing fine. I feel like reconciliation is in your future, but you need to stay the course. Give her more space and keep her wondering if you are really doing as well as she sees you are doing. She is cracking a bit but don't latch on to those cracks act like you don't even notice them. She will use these little insights to see if you are still available, you need to make her think you are actually happy with the idea of this D that maybe you aren't going to be available. You have to make her believe now that if she wants to leave that her life will change and you may not be there to catch her if she falls. I know you want her to think she can always depend on you but as long as she thinks this she will start climbing right up that that cliff thinking you are the anchor her rope is tied to and you will save her if anything goes wrong. the thrill climbing up that click knowing you will be fine no matter what happens is exciting but thinking maybe the rope isn't tied off to a secure enough anchor makes it scary and makes that anchor more valuable than ever. Be that anchor that she needs but don't let her know you are tied to her rope. You are running a marathon, not a sprint. You are doing just fine hang in there.

[Twofeet]

Pretty amped up right now barely avoided a fight. She put an offer on the house today said the earnest money was coming out of the checking account. I just said that's fine can you give me a 24 hr notice if you start pulling heavily from checking so I make sure we are covered. She is okay with that. However in her talking about it, she goes from this was a bit unplanned last minute to I should have known she was going to put an offer in and I should know I need to keep checking fat right now. I don't argue with her weird logic, I can't read her mind.
Next she wants to talk splitting up marital stuff (house items). Its just written we will split it equitably. I told her we go do a line by line itemization and bring it to the mediator or we can do it off books were she takes what she wants and I cut a check for what we think is fair. During this she starts crying and going on and on about how I am selfish. She has been thinking about me the whole time. She is just putting me first and I am being selfish like our whole marriage. I validate her feelings but let her know that just like her I am just trying to make sure I can provide for the kids and this is not about me. Then square up to her firmly and tell her when she walks away, because this is her decision to do so, neither of us are going to fill like we got a raw deal. She smiles and says thank you, says she feels much better now. Looks like I have put her at ease. Now I want to test something.... Now we have come to an agreement and she isn't crying and smiling I say hug it out? She gives me a disgusted hateful look and says No! Alright I say and walk off. Just what I thought. So folks, I feel like I am doing the right thing, but I kind of feel like I am being manipulated.
Sometimes I think I have been gaslit by her.

[Twofeet]

I had to run so I couldn't complete previous post. I feel like I did and said the right thing, we should be fair and no one should get a financial raw deal. W is in a good mood, but I kind of feel crummy, and I am not sure why. When she talked I would give her my full attention, but when I need to speak she would pull up her phone or do something else. I would stop talking until she would give me her full attention. I am not the one cut and running, why do I feel the need to justify my intentions to her? It felt a bit weak. Probably because she was saying I am being so hard with her.

It's like I am summiting one peak only to find a bigger mountain behind it.

I think I need to rewrite my DB goals.