Wondering if anyone can provide info or resources related to, How/why do most As end, which ones don’t, how long it takes, etc.
I mean, how do ANY relationships end? When the one of the people in the relationship isnt interested any in continuing it anymore. In my opinion, affair relationships are easy to maintain. Theres a lot of allure and secrecy and excitement built around those fleeting moments when the two people can be together. The anticipation is part of the excitement. Also, most of the communication is electronic. These people dont have to actually live life together on a daily basis. They dont have to be in each other's company all day every day. They only see the "ups" in an affair relationship and not the "downs". Once those relationships come out of the darkness and take hold as full-fledged relationships, then they may or may not succeed. I think the numbers say it is unlikely that theres anything there that will be lasting but, who knows. My ex married the AP and theyre still together a few years later....but Id say thats the exception and not the norm. Every situation and every relationship is different - who cares if the average is 6 months if the one your wife is in goes for 50 years? It will end if and when it ends....chances are it will be 6-9 months, but who knows?
No matter what I do, she doesn’t have to worry about money.
I dont really understand. Im pretty sure that all of your assets are marital assets. She has a legal right to your money and you to hers at this point. The issue that weve been talking about isnt the money, exactly. Its the responsibility. It doesnt really matter who pays the electricity at the house, because once you divorce, all the money gets split anyway, I imagine. But it's more that you shouldnt need to be involved in the details of her cable plan and her phone bill and so on. At least for now while you are still financially joined.
And it helps with detachment, to think that the fundamental issue isn’t the A. It’s the fact that she thought she could just replace me. And get away with it..
No. I think the fundamental issue you should be worrying about is:
"I wasnt the best partner for my wife. How can I learn to be a better partner in my next relationship?"
"I wasnt the best partner for my wife. How can I learn to be a better partner in my next relationship?"
Keep your focus on what YOU need to be doing.
I'm just struggling like crazy with this. I've identified what I need to change about NGS. I've spent hours thinking about what I could have done better in my relationship. I understand what it takes to be a good partner.
But I have no partner to try it out on. And I can't get her out of my head.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
I'm just struggling like crazy with this. I've identified what I need to change about NGS. I've spent hours thinking about what I could have done better in my relationship. I understand what it takes to be a good partner.
But I have no partner to try it out on. And I can't get her out of my head.
But it isnt just about how you relate with your partner. It's about your everyday living. You dont/shouldnt change your behavior when dealing just with your wife/future wife. What skills are you gaining that you can apply with your parents, friends, work colleagues, and anyone else in your life - waiters, cashiers, random people on the subway, etc.These are life skills you are gaining which will enable you to be a better partner. Practice, practice, practice!
I just need to be more patient, I guess. But it's funny because I'm not supposed to be "waiting" for anything. So all these questions about, how long will the A last, or is it still going, or when will she notice, or how long do I have do to this for, or when will I start seeing ANY kind of results in terms of my goal of drawing her back to me.
I have to do it forever. And everyone is right, I'm nowhere near where I need to be.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
