Hey guys. New member here and first post. I have been doing a ton of reading on the boards and figured it was time for my first post. I am dealing with a classic WAW. Things were going well then suddenly out of the blue after our anniversary I got the I am unhappy and need space, I love you but am not in love with you, I hope we can remain close friends talk. I fell in to the what appears to be common state, became a complete mess, spent all my time trying to fix things and chasing her which I realize was the worst thing for me to do. After much reading on here my new plan is to GAL, be friendly to her when she initiates conversation but not going out of my way to keep conversation going or initiate it myself, really truly work on myself mentally, spiritually, and physically. Basically follow and stick to Sandi's guidelines. My biggest problem is keeping myself out of the traps. I find myself feeling like crap when she doesn't really react in any way to me and I am having a real hard time just taking a breath and walking away. It is really difficult to sit here next to someone I love so much who just doesn't seem to care about me. I am also having a really hard time convincing myself that this is the best method and may actually change how she feels about me. I appreciate all the advice from everyone on here and reading the success stories certainly is a help.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL).
DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Welcome to the club! I am in a similar sitch and also a newbie.
And one of the hardest things to do is now how to react to the things positive things she does. Because it makes me believe that we're trending in a positive way and I start to get my hopes up. Best of luck
Thanks for all the encouragment guys. Updated my signature with some of the requested details. LH19, to answer some of your questions I don't know who or what she has her eye on but yes she is doing all of the above. She is constantly going out with friends, obsessed with always looking her best, nails, eyelashes dressed up and makeup no matter where she is going. I was never one to ever look at her phone but the other night we were sitting on the couch and she was laughing at something on her phone. She told me about the funny clip she just watched that a friend posted on snapchat. I asked to see the clip and she began to act very funny and was very reluctant to show me anything on her phone. After fumbling around for a bit (like she was trying to hide what else was on her phone) she eventually showed me the clip.
Thanks for all the encouragment guys. Updated my signature with some of the requested details. LH19, to answer some of your questions I don't know who or what she has her eye on but yes she is doing all of the above. She is constantly going out with friends, obsessed with always looking her best, nails, eyelashes dressed up and makeup no matter where she is going. I was never one to ever look at her phone but the other night we were sitting on the couch and she was laughing at something on her phone. She told me about the funny clip she just watched that a friend posted on snapchat. I asked to see the clip and she began to act very funny and was very reluctant to show me anything on her phone. After fumbling around for a bit (like she was trying to hide what else was on her phone) she eventually showed me the clip.
Huge red flag. The number one sign of an A (whether EA or PA) is secretive phone and computer activity. Now here is the thing:
Unless an A crosses a boundary for you for which there is no return, then it changes NOTHING you should be doing. Keep working on you. I like that you said in your OP that you are improving physically, mentally, and spiritually. Great keep that up. Work in a lot of GAL. Continue to 180 on things that needed changing....and work on detaching. Read, learn, study, know and employ sandi's rules.
A or no A, keep on doing what you need to be doing.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
