Unfortunately for pretty much most of us here, its not really about the OM. If it wasnt him, it would be OM2 or OM3. Its really about where WW's head is at in all this. There seems to be anger, resentment, and hurt that built up over time in these R's, and the WW thinks the grass is greener on the other side and chooses that over trying to better the M they committed to. Even the A w/ OM ending isnt a magic bullet for them snapping out of it and coming back to M. From the time i have spent learning about these situations, it seems that by the time they decide to have an A, they were done with the M for quite some time.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
it seems that by the time they decide to have an A, they were done with the M for quite some time.
Yup, definitely true in my sitch. That's why I'm working on fixing the things that could have been better. A lot of self-help books and looking inward.
I obsess about the A because it's the backdrop of everything. Sure they may have been done with the M but the A is really what triggers BD. Like Steve always says, monkeys swinging from vine to vine...
And I obsess about the A because I'm trying to predict how long any of this will take. "A long time," I know. And she has plenty of opportunities to meet new people. If, in her mind, the M is over and she needs to move on with life, she probably won't waste a lot of time wondering about me. As long as I'm not bothering her, I don't matter a whole lot anymore.
But: positive attitude. Bettering myself. The next lady will be lucky, I think.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
Burned - According to google, an average american man lives about 78 years. Can you tell me how long YOU are going to live?
Look, the answers to your questions arent knowable. The A will proceed or fizzle when it does. Maybe then, your W will want to R. Maybe not. It just.....doesnt matter at this point.
All you can do is be ready if and when that day comes. Or.....decide before that day comes that you arent intrested in waiting for it anymore.
it seems that by the time they decide to have an A, they were done with the M for quite some time.
Yup, definitely true in my sitch. That's why I'm working on fixing the things that could have been better. A lot of self-help books and looking inward.
I obsess about the A because it's the backdrop of everything. Sure they may have been done with the M but the A is really what triggers BD. Like Steve always says, monkeys swinging from vine to vine...
And I obsess about the A because I'm trying to predict how long any of this will take. "A long time," I know. And she has plenty of opportunities to meet new people. If, in her mind, the M is over and she needs to move on with life, she probably won't waste a lot of time wondering about me. As long as I'm not bothering her, I don't matter a whole lot anymore.
But: positive attitude. Bettering myself. The next lady will be lucky, I think.
All you can do is be the spouse only a fool would leave. Achieve that and she'll either stay, or be a fool. And who wants to be with a fool?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks all, for the reminders. I get stuck in my head sometimes and worry about things I can't control. For example, the A may not end for another 3 years, until they are able to go NC. The likelihood that she would pause her education just to get back with me is so very, very slim.
Back to detaching and GAL. Not much I can do in terms of 180s, for now...
Last edited by burned; 10/09/1803:39 PM.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
Thanks all, for the reminders. I get stuck in my head sometimes and worry about things I can't control. For example, the A may not end for another 3 years, until they are able to go NC. The likelihood that she would pause her education just to get back with me is so very, very slim.
Back to detaching and GAL. Not much I can do in terms of 180s, for now...
B, stop that mind reading. Relax, feel the freedom. No fear man, no fear. You control yourself. Moving forward, her loss.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Thanks all, for the reminders. I get stuck in my head sometimes and worry about things I can't control. For example, the A may not end for another 3 years, until they are able to go NC. The likelihood that she would pause her education just to get back with me is so very, very slim.
Back to detaching and GAL. Not much I can do in terms of 180s, for now...
You.....couldnt even get through the rest of the sentence.
So now that youre mostly moved in, what are your GAL plans
And what about the list of stuff you are going to get? Even if you dont share it, you should be prepared...
I'm not moved in at all. Possibly this afternoon. The other guy didn't move out in time and they still have to clean it. Ugh.
I have the list ready. But I haven't really felt like contacting W. Wondering if I should wait to hear from her first? I also have to give her instructions on how to get her cell phone plan off of my employer's account. So, unfortunately I will have to interact with her at some point.
Not doing so hot on the GAL front. Movie night on Friday via Meetup. Same girl who runs game nights every other Friday. Not that there's anything wrong with this, but it seems to be some kind of outreach mission for a church, so no idea what to expect. At least it's something to do. Maybe it's a good church? We'll see.
A lecture tonight on Beethoven, a symposium on Thursday about the president. Both of those sound as exciting as going to the dentist. Could drive up the mountain and take some pictures of leaves. Parents are coming Saturday with furniture and to help set up the new apartment. I thought about going skydiving, by myself, on Saturday until their plans changed.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
Not doing so hot on the GAL front. Movie night on Friday via Meetup. Same girl who runs game nights every other Friday. Not that there's anything wrong with this, but it seems to be some kind of outreach mission for a church, so no idea what to expect. At least it's something to do. Maybe it's a good church? We'll see.
A lecture tonight on Beethoven, a symposium on Thursday about the president. Both of those sound as exciting as going to the dentist. Could drive up the mountain and take some pictures of leaves. Parents are coming Saturday with furniture and to help set up the new apartment. I thought about going skydiving, by myself, on Saturday until their plans changed.
I'm using Meetup to find things to do too! Only one outing (group power-walk), but I really enjoyed it and met a few nice people that I clicked with. Looking for more things like that. I just think that getting out of the house for any reason is good for now, and if I meet nice people doing it, that's a bonus. Also involved in my church, which is great too.
