Q1: What book do you guys recommend for improving validation when speaking to my WAW? I think the one my DB coach recommend was "How we Love"
Q2: How should I be when it comes to watching my stepson, I don't want to be the permit babysitter but I do want to help. I still iron his clothes in the mornings when I get ready for work.
Q1: What book do you guys recommend for improving validation when speaking to my WAW? I think the one my DB coach recommend was "How we Love"
Q2: How should I be when it comes to watching my stepson, I don't want to be the permit babysitter but I do want to help. I still iron his clothes in the mornings when I get ready for work.
Thank you all so much!
If I could please get some help with these questions
Q2: How should I be when it comes to watching my stepson, I don't want to be the permit babysitter but I do want to help. I still iron his clothes in the mornings when I get ready for work.
Keep doing what you have always done. Keep him out of the middle. Enjoy your time with him.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
lg. In both of my wife's EAs, the one 2005 and the one at the end of last year into this year, the thing that almost ruined everything for us was my micromanaging her. Tracking her. Tracking her computer usage. Tracking her cellphone usage. Etc. At one point in the one in 2005 she says she felt like a trapped, caged animal. And she started doing things she didn't care if I saw. Earlier this year I had a moment of weakness and asked her to unlock and look at her phone. Had her look into apps and install apps that had been uninstalled.
In both cases things started getting dicey because it overwhelmed her. I suspect this is going on with your wife. You need to back way off. And let her be. As others have said, focus on you and improving yourself, not trying to control her.
Read the validation thread for improving that. Help out with your stepson as much as you're comfortable with. But be busy too. "Sorry can't watch him tonight....I have plans." And have plans!!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I guess the update is I felt our situation was improving
Just curious if you can expand on this. What gave you that impression? Im not saying that things werent improving...Im just curious what "signs" you are observing to indicate that.
If things were, in fact, improving, what behaviors of yours led to that? How can you keep doing them?
It's interesting to me that you felt things were improving but then you changed what you were doing. Why would she have to "not be home so late"? You also comment on not doing "a perfect job" with the rules. How can you be more consistent regardless of her or your relationship?
I guess the update is I felt our situation was improving
Just curious if you can expand on this. What gave you that impression? Im not saying that things werent improving...Im just curious what "signs" you are observing to indicate that.
If things were, in fact, improving, what behaviors of yours led to that? How can you keep doing them?
It's interesting to me that you felt things were improving but then you changed what you were doing. Why would she have to "not be home so late"? You also comment on not doing "a perfect job" with the rules. How can you be more consistent regardless of her or your relationship?
As we all know at the beginning it's the little things that you take as wins.
For example, we had been texting a lot(started by her), she asked me if I had already eaten the Sunday before our fight, the day before our fight she went to the store and asked if I needed anything.
The day when she left we were watching a movie and laid my head on her legs and she let me. (Probably shouldn't have done that)
What I mean by not doing a perfect job with the rules is exactly like you stated I shouldn't have said "not be home so late" and the Friday before I had fallen asleep but woke up and when she got home I went in the room with her. That showed that I had waited up for her. So that's what I meant that I had not been perfect with the rules.
This morning I went for my usual jog (went to the gym since it was raining instead) and I notice her car wasn't parked in the front of the apartment complex. She got home late last night( I didn't wait up or even ask her where she was), anyhow, from reading the 5 languages of love, I think her love language is little actions, you know feeling up the gas tank or stuff like that. So I moved her to the front of the apartment complex since it was raining and she had her raincoat in there so I brought inside. I didn't say anything since I was doing it to be nice not for credit. I told myself if she says Thank you later good if not then oh well. So later she text me if "I had gone in her car again" and I called her and told her I was just trying to be nice and I moved it to the front of the apartment complex since it was raining.
She got on to me for taking her raincoat out since she had left it there on purpose. I didn't argue or say anything, I just said okay and the conversation ended.
