kech, you will think of it. There is no way to NOT think of it. BUT you can limit the amount of time you think about it by keeping it occupied. Find other ways to keep your mind engaged. That is the key, be busy! Idle time is your enemy. Idle time will almost always be the culprit when you start wanting to do anti-DB things.
Stay busy, keep your mind engaged. On work. On household activities. Anything. As long as you have energy, be doing something!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Most of my fear comes from thinking he is falling in love with her. Thats terrifying, and seems to me the only reason he would stay with her is if thats the case. And that kills me. But I am trying to push past it all
Most of my fear comes from thinking he is falling in love with her. Thats terrifying, and seems to me the only reason he would stay with her is if thats the case. And that kills me. But I am trying to push past it all
The worst kind of life to live is the one where you worry about things you cannot control. I am not a climate change proponent, but even if I was, why worry about it? I can't control it! I can't stand how people flip their cigarette butts out the window of their car. As if the earth is their ashtray....but I can't stress about it because I can't control it.
Worry about what you can control, you. Not what you can't, him and OW.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Youre right Steve, youre right. And thanks for that R2C, That is helpful.
MOVING FORWARD! onward and upward! This truly is his loss. Regardless of what the OW has brought to his life, he is like a rollercoaster right now in my eyes. He doesnt have his feet on the ground, and I dont think hes doing very much to get there, whether he says thats his main focus or not. I feel like he is just skating by, maybe I am wrong.
I hope what I said to him yesterday resignates with him, bc as much as I love him, I do not want any involvement with him while he is seeing someone else. And thats not me saying "its her or me", thats me saying, "This is what youre choosing to do, therefore, you dont get me in any capacity besides coparenting."
Its like hes tried to convince himself he hasnt broken my heart when he absolutely has and still is. But now im angry, for many reasons. I deserve BETTER. I deserve the loyalty he gave me for 8 years, not this half in, half out, I can live like im single because I dont want to be married right now BS.
Remember, you only need to say things ONCE. He has heard you.
Time to 180 the words. Less is more. None is best. No more R talk. No more bringing up OW to H.
Your actions are now what is important.
Any R talk from H, your responses are like this:
"I am sorry you feel that way" "I am not sure how I feel about that" "I need more time to think about that" "I will get back to you on that" "I have to go. We can discuss that later"
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I think I needed to hear that. You are right. I dont need to bring it up anymore. He should know how I feel now. I will keep those responses in my back pocket, but if no response is better than ill stick with none.
I just found this, you wrote it on Justsad's posts recently, "Here are what your daily goals should be:
1) Did I get through the day without worrying about what she says and does, and without attaching any expectations to your DBing efforts. 2) That no one filed for D (unless this is what you want, and you can always decide to pull the plug at any moment). 3) That you didn't engage in any pressure or pursuit. In word or deed. That you didn't engage her in a R talk. That you didn't snoop. Etc. 4) That the rest of your family's needs were met! (If she isn't willing to meet a need, then step in and do it.)
There are others that others might be able to add, but the point is notice this is all about you. What you can do. What you should do.
I know you've struggled with patience, that is why you should concentrate on EACH day. Not the past, not what might happen in the future. But simply striving each day to achieve the above."
Something like this could be VERY helpful to me. I am a VERY task oriented person. I am going to try to follow these daily.
Having kind of a weird morning today. Feeling a little down, thoughts of him and OW kind of taking over. Ive been doing really good this week, would really like to continue feeling good. Any words of wisdom? We will be seeing him tonight when he comes over to see D and I just kind of dread it in a way. It gets me a little worked up.
