[SteveLW]

bluered, knowledge is power. Consult with an attorney. Have questions ready for the consultation.

[bluered]

Thanks, my work has some legal services program and then I will look for some lawyers as well.

Is there a point that I should be telling people we are separated? What has everyone’s experience been so far with notifying family and friends?

His mom and his sister who have always contacted me stopped. I’m not sure if I should touch base with them as well or just leave it alone.

[SteveLW]

Do not reach out to his family and friends. It will be viewed as rallying the troops. Be very careful with telling others. Each person that knows will be another speed-bump he'll have to get over in ever returning to the MR.

[bluered]

I haven’t heard from him for a few days. Is it normal for the WAS to go dark like this?

I haven’t reached out to him either and have asked him to just email me. He also didn’t respond when I responded to his last text.

[bluered]

I haven’t reached out to them. Last time his mom emailed me was in July and she hasn’t even checked up since. Mind you, I did not respond because she has been asking me to book time off for next year as she is taking the whole family to the south somewhere for a week. During that time, we weren’t even talking H and I because went MIA for two months.

Last time I’ve heard about his family was that his mom has been calling H to see how I’m doing so they are obviously hesitant in contacting me.

I specifically told my sister not to talk about me to H since he’s been contacting her. I told her to tell me nothing about me, what I’m doing, how I am, etc. I know he’s been concerned with my well being and health but it pisses me off that he wants ME to update him on how I’m doing. Yeah, nope.

[SteveLW]

Yes some WAS go dark. No two sitches are the same.

[bluered]

I received DR I’m the mail today and have started reading it.

[bluered]

Does it stay like that for a while normally when they do?

I think he may be a bit peeved off that I told him only to contact me by email and that nonnews is good news.

[bluered]

I just read DR over the past three days. There are a few questions I hope some of you can help me with regarding my situation.

Since we are living apart and have been physically apart for a long time, I have no idea how to even implement a 180. We have not had communication in a week and I have not contacted him. I don’t know how to even display any changes occurring with myself when we are so far apart (4000 Kms!!!!).

It feels like I’m at the after the last resort technique although it’s been a week. It feels like the next time I hear from him will be when he serves me papers. I don’t know if I should contact him or just say hello. I truly believe that he is waiting for me to contact him instead of him reaching out to me.

[bluered]

The one thing I need to add as to why I’m going dark is that I have been the fixer in this relationship. There is one conversation on the phone after he announced that he wanted a divorce and went back out west that I didn’t engage or get into an R talk. That went well even though I was heart broken.

In the preliminaries of me receiving treatment I was literally using him as a sound board for how I’m feeling going through this health ordeal although he always waited until I contacted him, and never ever called me. He was always just messaging me asking how I was doing and only wanted me to reach out to him to tell him how’s I’m doing.

Now I’ve backed off completely and have not initiated any sort of contact.

GAL is tough because I feel like physical crap most of the time. Never mind emotionally.