Only you know this for sure. For me touch charges in the beginning were very small. A hand on her shoulder as I passed by the chair she was in, or putting my hand on the small of her back as I passed behind her in the kitchen. I didn't graduate to initiating hugs until after those seem to be well received.
So as with anything in DBing, gauge its effectiveness and act accordingly. Do what works. Don't do what doesn't.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
That's what I'll do. No hugs, but causal touches. No expectations. Monitor reactions.
Thanks, Steve.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Just a little journaling. No expectations, but since I tend to focus on the work that needs to be done and overlook small accomplishments I will document a few.
D16 has a new boyfriend her 1st. During a W D16 discussion where W explained that D16 is not allowed to entertain in her room alone. W shared post discussion that she told her that if D16 wants to invite BF over to watch TV that W and I would be happy to go upstairs. That would be MBR. 1st the fact W said it and 2 she told me.
While sharing about some work story and me paying all of my attention to W. W stopped and asked why are you looking at me like that? I responded, "Just listening". This stands out because in the past W didn't seem cognisant to whether I was paying attention or not. Now she seems consciously aware.
I know these things may sound petty, but when I get discouraged it will be here for review.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
D16 has a new boyfriend her 1st. During a W D16 discussion where W explained that D16 is not allowed to entertain in her room alone. W shared post discussion that she told her that if D16 wants to invite BF over to watch TV that W and I would be happy to go upstairs.
Hell naw. I'd tell that kid before he ever stepped in my house what the expectations are. Teenagers are not to be alone and unsupervised. They needs parents to be parents, they don't need parents to be their friend.
Originally Posted by RR17
While sharing about some work story and me paying all of my attention to W. W stopped and asked why are you looking at me like that? I responded, "Just listening". This stands out because in the past W didn't seem cognisant to whether I was paying attention or not. Now she seems consciously aware.
I think this is great. People, especially women, love to feel like they are being heard. Listening is so underrated. Be sure to ask her questions and go deeper into what she's telling you from time to time.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Actually, the emotional detachment of this might work with W, if all I wanted was to get some.
I am looking for movement in the MR.
I confess that I am struggling with expectations.
And I just want to reiterate to you and everyone, that there is no such thing as emotionally detached sex with a WAS. And I firmly believe that the people who think and say they can have unemotional sex with the WAS are lying to themselves and the board.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
People, especially women, love to feel like they are being heard. Listening is so underrated. Be sure to ask her questions and go deeper into what she's telling you from time to time.
A headshot from Ovr
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
People, especially women, love to feel like they are being heard. Listening is so underrated. Be sure to ask her questions and go deeper into what she's telling you from time to time.
A headshot from Ovr
lol, yes it is important to listen. Listening and validating is DB 101.
My point was more about W's awareness. Where she used to yammer on and although I was listening, she seemed to care less. Now she seems more aware of my attention.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Actually, the emotional detachment of this might work with W, if all I wanted was to get some.
I am looking for movement in the MR.
I confess that I am struggling with expectations.
And I just want to reiterate to you and everyone, that there is no such thing as emotionally detached sex with a WAS. And I firmly believe that the people who think and say they can have unemotional sex with the WAS are lying to themselves and the board.
I'm not sure it's impossible. The first time I did with my WAS I was pretty detached. My reading and study had prepared me well to attach no expectations or significance to it. She asked that I role play that we were strangers and I got into that. Funny thing was after that request she wasnt that into it the role playing.
I agree it is very difficult to do, and very dangerous since most cannot. But I don't think it is impossible.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
