Ovr, just stopped by to say how impressed I am by the advice you have been giving so many other LBSs suffering here. I see so much strength in your words and how you are encouraging them on the right path. On behalf of all of them, thank you
Hope things are going ok for you. You’re definitely in the hardest part of the sitch imo. Telling my wife to piss off was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Turned out to be the best thing I could have done. Keep your head up, buddy...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
just figured I'd respond. Don't have much of an update.
Last contact with my W was 10/2, surprisingly after 5pm. But I think she went to counseling for herself that night, so she wasn't at OM's place yet. I was volunteering so I couldn't call back until 830 when I got home. Since she wasn't at home, I decided there was no reason to call back.
Saturday and Sunday I spent building a big 6'x'3 oak grill table for one of my newer grills and a flat top griddle. Still in progress. Feel good usually and W isn't on my mind much. Hope to get out and hunt this week a little more, maybe go out some too. Softball on Wednesdays but that ends in a couple weeks unfortunately.
Met with my priest on Thursday last week. He's a really good guy and helpful. His best advice was one that took a long time to sink in: "Unless she wants to work on the marriage, what is there to talk about?". I haven't called or texted W. Haven't done that since July I think, except for the 3 weeks of "trying".
So not much going on.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
You regained composure quickly, buddy. That's awesome. I think that's something that needs to be reminded to everyone who is going through this...that things will get better with time. That things will rebound quicker as time goes on. And that ultimately...it will be ok.
I got home at 8pm last night, W is home, kinda poking around talking. Wants to talk about her counseling session, what's been going on with her, the dog, my grill table. Ok so I listened and validated. She even asked at one point why I always say that. I say "I get how you would feel that way" a lot. I just explained that I'm trying to listen and understand. I even asked her opinion on the table b/c she likes design and is good at it.
Her IC recommended a book on breaking free from manipulation and told her that she has a hard time deciding for herself. W actually got the book. W told me she told her IC that I wasn't "consciously" trying to be mean to her and that I am a good person. Good I guess?
She tried to get in the MB with me last night and I said "what are you doing?". She wants to talk. So I listened. She thanked me, fell asleep a few times and I woke her up. She says how she misses our bed. W gave me a bunch of looks when she finally left the bedroom.
I said how the puppy is a big snuggler, and W said her snuggles are better. I played it off with a joke, and didn't take that bait.
Well this morning she thanks me for talking again, then calls me to say thanks again and make small talk before I bowed out of the convo.
Now I get a text from her saying "I just sometimes get these missing you feelings...hard to explain and I have no control over the feelings".
I guess the proper response is no response. I want to say "hey, crazy, if you miss me then come home". These situations suck.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Ovr, that is all good stuff! DBing is working. The "missing you feelings" is exactly the phenomenon we talk about related to DBing, for you. Not her. Eventually the WAS takes note that the LBS is moving on and gets curious. Starts missing (with time and space).
So keep it up. I especially like the "her snuggles are better" comment. When my W started to come around little statements like this started to come out of her mouth. Yeah, believe nothing she says, but pay attention to it. Because to me little comments like this are more telling than the "i get the missing you feelings". It is more raw, and more off the cuff.
The worm is turning Ovr!!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
