I think there maybe someone else on the scene. She just doesnt want to hurt you. Could be wrong, but someone is influencing her. My W is very easily influenced. Shes completely rewriting our M history.
BH: 36 WW:33 M: 2 Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018 0 1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019 LRT: Oct 2018 WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
Well, based on the comments here, maybe there is someone else. Like I said, I don't know and at the moment don't really care.
As mentioned in my previous posts, I am focused on me and doing my best to GAL. I am a little worried about receiving any papers regarding a D however. It is sometimes hard for me not to imagine some horrible scenario where I get taken to the cleaners and lose everything. Even though when my W moved out and mentioned her intent to file for D she told me that she did not want anything from me. Hopefully, this will be one of the rare occasions where she is being truthful, time will only tell.
Question to the board about how to deal my in laws. We have a really good relationship and on top of that, they happen to be really good friends with my parents as well. I am trying to navigate still being in contact with them without discussing the sitch or giving them anything to pass along to my W about how I am doing or what I am up to, as I have gone completely dark. I do not wish to be rude or push them away as I know that they care for me a great deal. Both of them told me individually that I will also be family no matter what happens. Do I just "take a break" from them for a while? Or do I carry on with them as usual and potentially allow them to pass information along to my W?
Not that it impacts me much one way or another, I have noticed that the temp checks from the W have ceased. I was curious based on others experience if this a sign of something to come? Potential calm before the storm? The last time I spoke to the W, she said that the D papers were coming this week. I have neither heard from the W or seen any papers. I know there is still tomorrow, but I find it strange that nothing has happened. Was this some sort of test to see if I would react to it?
If-When you receive divorce papers , take them. Do not read them until later (like the next day-or weekend). Take all the time you need to process what they say.
Any questions about them from spouse, respond with "I will let you know when I am done reviewing them"
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I had not heard from my W since last week Friday when I received a text me a few minutes ago asking if I can take the dog for a few days since the place she is living is going to having maintanence performed and the dog needs a place to go. She also mentioned that she wants to go visit her family and asked if it can stay through next weekend. Naturally, I did not respond right away and after thinking about it told her to go ahead and bring the dog over to stay the next 2 weeks. While some may think that I am caving to her demands or reacting to her, the fact is, I do enjoy spending time with the dog, especially the long walks after work. At least in my mind, I feel like I am getting more benefit out of it than she is. Was I wrong to agree? Am I missing something?
So after seeing NGS in a few of the threads from the last 2 weeks, I decided I had to figure out what it meant (Nice Guy Syndrome). Afterwards I decided to learn as much as I can about it including buying a book on the subject from Amazon. While I am not a 100% fit with what was written, I am really glad that I did as there were many parallels to my life and it forced me to really think about things in a different way. I would venture a guess that quite a few of the LBH in this forum also have NG tendencies and could probably benefit from some self-reflection / learning while they work on GAL. I know I do not read all of the threads, but I am a little shocked that I did not pick up on the whole NGS months ago. I feel like this is pretty important that should be discussed more often amongst us newbies as I find the strategies on how to correct the NG behaviors mesh well with DB.
Take the dog and don't worry about it. My pup brings joy into my life on a daily basis. It's not NGS to do something bc it will make YOU happy.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
I can float between a NICE GUY and a BAD BOY. Changing my behavior as needed.
Most guys showing up here have NGS.
There are traits of the Bad Boys that are attractive to women. Learn these.
There are traits of the Bad Boys that are not attractive to women, but women put up with them because he still has the attractive traits. They will even stay in a controlling and abusive relationship. Know what these are and keep them out of your behavior.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Spoke too soon. Got served today and have 21 days to answer to the court. I let the W know that I have received and simply asked when she would like to discuss a settlement. I believe the sooner this is over for her, the quicker she can figure out what the heck she wants out of life.
I know it may sound like I am giving up, but I have to believe by letting her go, is the only way to show that I really do love her.
