I don't have an L. I've consulted with them, but affording one is completely out of the question, unfortunately. I already have the signed MSA where W agreed to give me full custody, so that's binding. S has been living with me for a week now.
What I need to do is figure out where to get the forms the L recommended...I can't find them anywhere, and really they need to be probably drafted by an L. But without money, you don't really get that luxury (or necessity, in most cases).
I don't know. Either way, I'm going to do the best I can to make this work.
bm I've said it before. The problem is that you can't afford to NOT have a lawyer. Ask one how much it would be to draw up the documents in question. It might not be as expensive as you think it is.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Right. But here's where that gets problematic...with all of the bills (not counting food/fuel) that W left me stuck with, my paycheck is going to be about $1,900 less than the amounts due for the month.
I literally can't afford daycare, and I have to figure out a lot of things.
I COMPLETELY understand that I can't afford not to have one. But I also can't afford to have one.
I understand completely. I'm just not sure what I can do. I have basically zero resources in all of this.
W called last night. She was on her way to work, and she wanted to drop some toys off for S (he had already gone to bed). I told her that would be fine. I met her downstairs, she wanted to come up and see him. I said "he's asleep". She said she wouldn't wake him up, she just wanted to see him...so I said she could. She came up, saw S, then sat down in the living room and started crying. She's been sick, and working like 70 hrs this week. She started talking about things that need to be done for him, doctors visits, etc. and asking if I had done any of them. I just said "I've been busy, but yes, I'm trying to get them all done."
She started getting angry and accusing me of trying to undo everything she's done for him, doctors, day care, socialization, and how she only let him stay at OMs place because OM's S was his friend...and that's when I was done. I said "No. You wanted to see OM. You weren't doing that for S. Don't give me that bs, we both know it's an excuse." Of course, she got mad and started raising her voice. While she was getting in my face, in the middle of her sentence I looked her in the eyes and said "Get out. Now."
She stopped, looked like she had been punched in the stomach, and fell on the floor crying. I sat back down in the chair. She said "I just want my baby!" I said "I know, but if you are going to come here and lie to me, feed me bs excuses, and possibly wake S up, you can leave."
She said "If this is anything close to what you felt like when I left, then I'm really, truly sorry" and started sobbing harder. I said "Yeah, it's kind of like that." Then she said "I just want to stop...I'm tired of drinking too much to just distract myself from this." I said "me too." (Side note: I really don't drink that much at all, but a couple of times, I have. But that's never been a go-to for me at all). She hugged me. Then she left.
She called as she was leaving, said she forgot something she needed to talk to me about and asked if she could stop back by after work (she only was dropping something off at her job). I said ok. She came back by and offered to help pay for my ADHD meds. I didn't tell her she could. I know she probably wants some of them, and frankly she needs them, but she can't afford the copay for the doctor. I didn't say yes.
She asked "when can I have my baby back?" I said "I don't know. But you can see him whenever you like."
She said that she understood, and she hugged me again and left.
I know 100% that she's still being self-serving with stuff. During the conversation, she mentioned how hard she was working both at her job and to make sure that S was getting everything he needs, and I told her "I understand. I've seen the efforts, and I can tell you're trying." What I left out was that I know it's still all for her own benefit, and until she can stop being a spoiled brat, she's just going to have to deal with it.
It's weird...she's used to being able to push me around, and now that she's really not able to, she's v e r y s l o w l y trying to change some things about herself...which is good, but if she thinks I'm going to just back down, she's finding out that she's very, very wrong. And I can see that it's affecting her a bit. She's not used to me being in charge of my life...and then suddenly she got exactly that.
She decided to get completely off of all social media. Which is really strange.
At one point she asked me "so what's the game you're playing with me? Are you just trying to get back at me for leaving?" I looked at her and said "there is no game here. This is reality."
It's funny how she thinks that attacking me is going to cause me to break. I don't get it...she knows now that I'll stand my ground, and I don't let her just plow me over.
Then when that doesn't work, she tries to be nice. Which I respond to a bit better, but still standing my ground and not budging on my decisions.
I dunno. Life is strange. BUT...I'm feeling pretty good this morning.
BM, very well handled! Small critique is I wouldn't have said "me too" to the drinking to cope. A validation like "I understand how you feel, that must be tough." Or something like that. I just don't trust desperate WWs like yours. You are right, she still has self-service at the forefront, though some of the things she is saying is refreshing and a good sign.
On SM, she probably did that to protect herself.Her goal is 50/50 custody. Her SM was counter to that since it showed her GGW lifestyle. Also, she knows you have people that feed you information, whether solicited or not.
You are really rocking the DB! Keep up the good work.
P.S. What did the lawyer say?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
While she was getting in my face, in the middle of her sentence I looked her in the eyes and said "Get out. Now."
Perfect. Minimal words w/ maximum effect.
Acting like she went OM's house for your son was a joke.
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She decided to get completely off of all social media. Which is really strange.
That's good, you should too. You shouldn't even notice things like this.
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At one point she asked me "so what's the game you're playing with me? Are you just trying to get back at me for leaving?" I looked at her and said "there is no game here. This is reality."
Love it.
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Then when that doesn't work, she tries to be nice. Which I respond to a bit better, but still standing my ground and not budging on my decisions.
She also tried the "Poor Me" Sad Approach. Don't buy it.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
They said I needed to file a counter-petition and a motion to enforce the court orders and also a motion to enforce based on alleged breach of contract. And then of course, they couldn't tell me how/where to find those, because they want money, which I don't have at all.
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You shouldn't even notice things like this.
I didn't. She told me she disabled all of her social media because she needs privacy, and not from me. This came to light for her this past week. She went to an out of town meeting for work, and she ran into someone she had not talked to in years that works for the same company, but in a town about an hour away. She explained to her that she got off social media for privacy reasons...and the other lady was like "oh wait...that was YOU going through the D?" W and I have agreed not to talk to coworkers about the D because we work for the same company more or less...and she's friends with some of my office mates. She's confirmed with them that I haven't talked to them about anything...but it appears that the entire company knows about the situation...so rather than saving face, she's forced to accept that HER friends have been gossiping about our D. So that's kind of funny. She's still mad about MY social media posts in the past...but she knows that 1) my posts haven't caused her to lose face and 2) her friends talk too much. It's really funny how all of her actually mature "friends" seem to think she's being stupid. Well...I agree. But I don't talk to them about it.
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She also tried the "Poor Me" Sad Approach. Don't buy it.
Oh, there's ZERO doubt she's sad. But her motives are still selfish, so that's not going to change anything. She can be sad. Motives matter.
They said I needed to file a counter-petition and a motion to enforce the court orders and also a motion to enforce based on alleged breach of contract. And then of course, they couldn't tell me how/where to find those, because they want money, which I don't have at all.
So you are willing to lose full custody of your son to save a couple of hundred dollars?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Funny thing about the true friends part. My WW blames me for her old friends not wanting to be around her anymore because she has changed so much not realizing it is all her. That's why they find a whole new crew to hang around and all they tell them is the rewritten bad history of their MR. Bizarre the way a WS acts!
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
It's really funny how all of her actually mature "friends" seem to think she's being stupid. Well...I agree. But I don't talk to them about it.