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Life is a good teacher Eq. Detach and no expectation is a must do. Take your S to IC, even if he is saying he doesn’t want it. You need to protect him.

Stay strong man, I know it’s hard. My best wishes for you and your boy.


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
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Posts: 330
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equalzr Offline OP
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Thanks for the suppprt everyone!

Even my FIL warned me about her trying to bait me into something (physical) that she could use against me in court.


Together:20 years
M:3 years
Me:40
WW:40
S15
A suspected:5/17
AC:5/18
BD:8/18
WW in full blown R w/ OM
Still under same roof
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Take precautions about that.


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 330
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equalzr Offline OP
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Spent quite a bit of time yesterday listening to WW's mother justify her actions. Just sad, no fault directed at WW whatsoever. I have no clue why we even had the talk. Just more justification for WW's affair?

Outside of that, i think ww is planning on getting married to OM asap. So even though i know we're beyond done, that stings and rightfully so. All this was done while we were married.

I didnt sleep well last night and i feel like s**t today. Way too much stress.

Anyone know how how household items purchased before M are split up?

Last edited by equalzr; 10/12/18 03:08 PM.

Together:20 years
M:3 years
Me:40
WW:40
S15
A suspected:5/17
AC:5/18
BD:8/18
WW in full blown R w/ OM
Still under same roof
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
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Originally Posted by equalzr
Spent quite a bit of time yesterday listening to WW's mother justify her actions. Just sad, no fault directed at WW whatsoever. I have no clue why we even had the talk. Just more justification for WW's affair?

Why Why Why would you be having that conversation.

"MIL, I don't want to be disrespectful but I am not going to sit here and listen to this". Followed by a walk away.

Originally Posted by equalzr
Outside of that, i think ww is planning on getting married to OM asap. So even though i know we're beyond done, that stings and rightfully so. All this was done while we were married.

You are way way way to focused on your W! Stop the whoa is me BS. What are your plans for the rest of your life?

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equalzr Offline OP
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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by equalzr
Spent quite a bit of time yesterday listening to WW's mother justify her actions. Just sad, no fault directed at WW whatsoever. I have no clue why we even had the talk. Just more justification for WW's affair?

Why Why Why would you be having that conversation.

"MIL, I don't want to be disrespectful but I am not going to sit here and listen to this". Followed by a walk away.

Originally Posted by equalzr
Outside of that, i think ww is planning on getting married to OM asap. So even though i know we're beyond done, that stings and rightfully so. All this was done while we were married.

You are way way way to focused on your W! Stop the whoa is me BS. What are your plans for the rest of your life?




Talk was more of an ambush, and your right i should have walked away from her just as i do WW. It started with an incident involcing my S.

As for me, its all about work, grad school, and my S. There wont be much time for anything else. Ill have to put my head down and grind it out for the next couple years.


Together:20 years
M:3 years
Me:40
WW:40
S15
A suspected:5/17
AC:5/18
BD:8/18
WW in full blown R w/ OM
Still under same roof
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
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Originally Posted by equalzr
Spent quite a bit of time yesterday listening to WW's mother justify her actions. Just sad, no fault directed at WW whatsoever. I have no clue why we even had the talk. Just more justification for WW's affair?


I'm with LH, why in the world would you even allow the opportunity for an R talk with MIL to start with. In the field of battle you can hunker down in a foxhole or you can stand up and walk around unarmed waiting for people to take pot shots at you. One survives, the other gets riddled with holes. Don't make yourself a target!

Quote
Outside of that, i think ww is planning on getting married to OM asap. So even though i know we're beyond done, that stings and rightfully so. All this was done while we were married.


Very sorry, that's got to burn. But after every burn you'll bounce back faster until the burns don't affect you anymore.

Quote
Anyone know how how household items purchased before M are split up?


If they were items that were clearly yours or hers before M then they stay that way. Big items like that were written into our D decree as being pre-marital items that were not to be split. I think stuff you bought together pre-M is still considered marital property unless they were gifts to one of you.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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equalzr Offline OP
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Serious question...

How do you deal with being lonely? My sitch has been a long one, not quite 2 years. Id be lying if i didnt say that the loneliness is really wearing on me.


Together:20 years
M:3 years
Me:40
WW:40
S15
A suspected:5/17
AC:5/18
BD:8/18
WW in full blown R w/ OM
Still under same roof
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,132
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Loneliness is a feeling of a person without a purpose. When we are in a healthy relationship our spouse's are our purpose. But when they decide to leave they take part of our purpose (and what LBS believe at the moment is their only purpose). Well, humans need purpose, replace your WW with another purpose. Volunteer, join a hiking group. Live your life.

IMO, you aren't truly talking about loneliness you are a asking about intimacy and sex. That is what you are truly missing. Hey, I know those are hard to replace. Be patient. And I want say which site I used for those hard times. blush


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
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equalzr Offline OP
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Originally Posted by joejoe1
Loneliness is a feeling of a person without a purpose. When we are in a healthy relationship our spouse's are our purpose. But when they decide to leave they take part of our purpose (and what LBS believe at the moment is their only purpose). Well, humans need purpose, replace your WW with another purpose. Volunteer, join a hiking group. Live your life.

IMO, you aren't truly talking about loneliness you are a asking about intimacy and sex. That is what you are truly missing. Hey, I know those are hard to replace. Be patient. And I want say which site I used for those hard times. blush


Lol. I truly miss female companionship. I dont care if its going to dinner, a movie, the mall anything. Just sitting back and talking would be nice.


Together:20 years
M:3 years
Me:40
WW:40
S15
A suspected:5/17
AC:5/18
BD:8/18
WW in full blown R w/ OM
Still under same roof
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