Damn Maika, things sound great with the GAL, new apartment, and successes at work. It's important for people to see the "other" type of successful outcome that doesn't include R. Thanks for sharing!
Good luck with the injury, I know how frustrating they can be!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
That’s a great post Maika, overall rounded development in all spheres of life. I am so glad the kiddos adjusted to your new place, kudos to you for making it their new home. Well not having you at her graduation is her loss, you can only wish her luck and provide support from far. Good luck , keep rocking
Thanks as usual for the comments. I truly appreciate the positive support.
This week has been just quite something for me personally. Handed the keys to the previous place to the landlord and it's finally done with. It felt like a huge closure. That place served as a great base for me to get back on my feet and go through post BD motions. I found my stability and grounding that place and it was a sweet farewell. I thought I'd get emotional, but it didn't turn out that way.
The new place is pretty much fully set up and my mindset has suddenly shifted. Whatever uncertainty I had about the M has dissipated. I feel unbelievably strong and certain now. Like I have just found a reservoir of drive that I didn't know I had. I called the L and booked an appointment next week for a consultation to go over the next steps and what I need to do to get the ball rolling. I have come to a place of zero interest in trying to save the M. I plan on broaching the subject with W after my L consultation and jumpstart the process.
I feel calm and strong. I don't know how else to describe it. Whatever emotions there were about BD and M have finally settled. I don't want anything to do with W anymore and I feel good about the decision. I have never been as ready to D as I am now. This week has just flipped the mental and emotional switch in me.
I am back with a dedicated focus on myself and what I want to achieve. Doing my PT exercises and I am seeing improvements. Slow but steady. I have never been as optimistic about the future as I am now. I feel like I am unbreakable now. I know I have a long journey still ahead of me when it comes to my health and work, but I am feeling determined like never before.
I know the pain and despair of the LBS's that are here. I only write this to show you that down the road, there is something amazing waiting for you - the RECLAIMED YOU! I have just never felt such at peace with myself. Don't get me wrong, I have put in a ton of work for this and had my share of successes and failures. In the past, my failures would've stopped me dead in the tracks. Hell, thinking about potential obstacles was good enough for me to not even start.
I wake up every day with a new found vigor and focus and purpose. As I said, this week has been revolutionary for me. All the things in my mind and heart have finally clicked together and are in symphony. So if anything that can be learned from my journey, don't give up on yourself and your growth and your journey. Life is still ahead of you and it is short.
I know the next steps with W will potentially be difficult, but I am past the point of no return - it's happening whether she likes it or not. I will chronicle the journey here for sure. I am going for the most amicable and non-adversarial approach so that it's just all done. I know what I want and it's stemming from my values, so I know it's the right thing for me.
I am feeling positive and grateful and ready for this part of my life journey. This new place will be full of light, joy, fun, happiness, and perseverance. I know what I want from my life and I am going after it like I have never before.
Thanks Nef! Mad hugs to you and your fam as well. You keep the brilliance alive as well. Life is too short and I have become acutely aware of it now. No sense in wasting it. No regrets.
It kinda [censored] that things have gotten to this point. No one wants that to happen. I wish you the best going forward with everything. Just be prepared for life to try to put you on your butt again, but I think you are ready.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Ovr - yes, it $ucks that it has come to this point. There are no easy choices any more in life. All choices blow, but how you approach them is what matters. What is your mindset like? Unfortunately, life has been an a$$ to me for the majority of my life, so I know what it means to survive. I just choose not to 'survive' anymore, but actually thrive and not let life happen to me.
You only have control over yourself. W took a decision that impacted three other people who had no say in that decision. I am taking ownership, control, and accountability over my life and what W does or does not do has zero impact on it. One of the most important things I have learned throughout this journey to get to the other side is this - I am not waiting for her to do x, y, z... I am waiting for ME. The RECLAIMED ME! The quicker the LBS can truly internalize this fact, the journey becomes more simplified.
I sense some bitterness and anger in your response - I know it's not directed at me, but you're carrying it. I am not one who says get rid of your anger. I believe that you can use your anger towards the path of reclaiming yourself and then transform that into a continuous sense of drive. If you hang onto anger during that process and it doesn't start to transform, then you're just self-destructing at a slow pace. Best thing I read about anger - Anger is a poison one drinks themselves thinking that the other person will die.
I know life will throw more things at me, but unlike the past 'me', the reclaimed 'me' is well equipped. As David Goggins says - "you need to callus your mind; I am not training for a marathon, I am training for life so when I get a phone call in the middle of the night that my mom passed away, I don't fall apart. To grow, you have to suffer." Having gone through so much suffering in my life, I know how true that is. The only thing I didn't do is have the right mindset and understand that I had a say over how I could react to it. Now I do and it feels damn invincible.
To give me perspective, my therapist played a nice trick on me. She asked me to take a mental health survey that focuses on traumatic events that you have experienced since childhood. I took the survey at home and printed the results and took it back to my therapist.
I scored very high on the scale with the trauma that I have experienced since I was 5 years old. Here's the kicker.
According to the results, statistically speaking, I should've been chronically depressed, serious suicidal ideation, addicted to drugs and other substances, unable to hold consistent employment, homeless or living in very marginal settings, in very poor health, unable to function in social settings, and have fractured family relationships.
I am NONE of those things.
I was depressed for a while, but not chronically depressed. I have never contemplated suicide. I have never been addicted to drugs and substances. I am in a great job and I am a high performer. I live modestly, but I am nowhere near being homeless and I have a nice loving home, my health issues are genetic and I mostly have it all under control, I am very sociable and intelligent, and I have strong family relationships.
So, despite everything that has happened to me, I am here alive and well and thriving. I do not need to be a survivor or a victim. What I have overcome and the resilience that I have shown in life is far more important. And that I have accomplished that gave me perspective that BD is something I can overcome and be stronger. I have become and will continue to work hard to be a man only a fool would leave.
It's about mindset, perspective, knowing who you are, what your values are, and aligning all of that in pursuit of your goals and dreams. That's what I am about.
You got it LH. Goggins is the baddest beast alive. That man is such a f#$king inspiration. I have one of his motivational speeches bookmarked. I listen to it every other day and it gives me goosebumps and the wherewithal to keep the drive and fire alive. Embracing the suck every single day and loving it.
I know what you mean about feeling indestructible. It's so intoxicating and empowering. Age ain't no thang man, you still crushing it
