It sounds like you have a lot of learning and growing up to do. In regards to the jokes, and thinking it’s okay to joke like that with a woman. Verbally abusive, you make it sound like you don’t really like her in my humble opinion. So I ask this, why do you want this marriage to work? Why do you want to be with her? You don’t have to answer here but from your first posts, you didn’t really say why.
Can you add the little signature? How old is W? SS?
You can always go back to the person you were before the M, or in the beginning however is that Guy going to want this M? In your first posts, that guy didn’t, that guy felt you said “trapped and obligated to stay”. What about her, or her situation made you change those feelings?
It sounds to me like she thought the grass would be greener with you, and it turns out it wasn’t.
Why are you paying half of the rent? You pay the bills, don’t get to see SS, or have a W. I get you were trying to be nice, but nice isn’t going to get her back, because as someone mentioned it seems fake. (I have an ex w and sd too and I too was 26 when the M unraveled, not that it makes my opinions more valid, but similar-ish situations for sure) I’d figure out when is a good time to ask when she’s going to pay her own rent. You could be saving that half to buy your own house, or maybe a future house with her. Who knows.
Hello GFT, this is the first I've read your thread. I see many red flags here. Others have touched on it as well. Here's the thing, you married a serial cheater. She's not the typical WAS that DB'ing is geared towards. You are getting some great advice that you are trying to implement, but I've got to be honest with you, the trouble is firmly in her court. She's a wayward at heart and I don't think that's going to change. She can't commit and settle down, as soon as she starts to she starts getting the itch and looking for the next OM. She's more than likely addicted to the rush of a new relationship, especially a "forbidden" one in the case of an A. I've known two different women like this and they both lived on the thrill of it. One is in her late 30's and the other late 40's and they are both still repeating the same cycle. I've also seen a few cases of it here too. You've really got to detach because you're definitely never going to "nice" this one back.
Originally Posted by GFT00
This morning I went for my usual jog (went to the gym since it was raining instead) and I notice her car wasn't parked in the front of the apartment complex. She got home late last night( I didn't wait up or even ask her where she was), anyhow, from reading the 5 languages of love, I think her love language is little actions, you know feeling up the gas tank or stuff like that. So I moved her to the front of the apartment complex since it was raining and she had her raincoat in there so I brought inside.
NO NO NOOOOO NO NO! First of all, you already creeped her out by going through her car during the makeup incident. Second of all, this is NOT the time to try to implement 5LL. That is for a HEALTHY relationship. Third, moving her car and raincoat is just going to look to her like desperate pursuit, which is exactly what it is.
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ME: I’m been doing fine. I would like to see him soon if that’s cool. It’s been too long.
WAW: Yea i dunno I’ll have to see.....
This is her son from her previous marriage? Normally I would say it's OK to request a visit, but I have to question your motivations here. The two of you were barely married a year? Perhaps you bonded with the boy in that time, or was this really a ploy to try and see her or get in her good graces? You don't have to answer that, just give it some thought. If it was a trick to get in front of her, tricks never, ever work. She'll see right through them.
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ME: Yeah. Maybe the day we go to the city he can come with us. That be cool.
WAW: He has school?
ME: I know it’s a Monday but I just thought maybe he could come.
First, what are the two of you going to the city for? Is this some kind of date or what? Second, were you actually suggesting taking him out of school just to what, hang out with you????? DON'T DO THAT.
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But dude you guys take care.
Don't call her "dude". Be a gentleman, have some manners.
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Im here for anything and I’m Looking forward to seeing you guys one of these days
Don't call her a guy and don't tell her you want to see her. That's pursuit.
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and I'll just text her probably in a couple weeks to set up the details of plans.
Quick question and I would appreciate all the responds.
So I've completely have gave her, her space.
Obviously I still think about her and the entire situation(a lot) but I've been reading and I've realized a lot of mistakes. I've been running, studying for the GMAT, and I think I'm up for a promotion at the start of the year.
My question is and it's urgent( not in the sense that it's super important but more of a time issue).
My WAW leaves to California for the Xmas break tomorrow.
Should I text her and tell her to have a good time and be safe? Or is it best not to?
So I text her on Christmas?
And lastly her birthday is in the next few weeks, should I text her happy birthday?
Thanks for all the replies while I was gone. It means a lot to me
No, don't text her. No contact. Focus on yourself. You are not in a MR right now.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
