Ok, I feel like I have to give everyone else here a 2x4...
Thanks for the 2x4s M but number 1 she clearly isn't his plan B. He has been pretty open that he would love to reconcile and number 2 that can't really have a relationship talk when there not in a relationship.
There is nothing wrong with stating what he wants through actions or words as long is he is ok with walking away if she can't give him what he wants.
Yeah everyone loves a recon story it gives new posters hope.
Well you are both right really. WAW is kind of my Plan A in a way...meaning that if I wanted a relationship tomorrow with someone among the ladies in my life...WAW would be my first pick. However, Mowgli is correct in that because of my DB work on myself all those years she was gone and there was absolutely no contact between us; she is not my end all/be all woman. In fact NO woman ever will be. I only need me. So yes, I would love to R with WAW, but the whole relationship thing, with any of the women I see...not just WAW, is just not an overall priority in my life right now. Let's not forget Mary, who gets forgotten in all this WAW talk here...that was a serious, long term relationship for me of two years. We lived together. So I'm not necessarily twiddling my thumbs with anxiety rushing to get a girlfriend
That's why I can take WAW or leave WAW. I've said it at least 25 times now because it's the best descriptor of how I feel and I can't say it any clearer...I want WAW, I don't need WAW.
So both of you are correct, it's the difference between me coming home after the R talk the other night and crying myself into blessed unconsciousness (just like I used to when she first left) and coming home after the WAW talk and playing with my kitty for awhile, playing some Madden football, and going to sleep...which is what I really did.
Last edited by ItHurts; 09/26/1805:09 AM. Reason: typo
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
It's been about two weeks - anything happening on the WAW front (Plan A) or anything else (Plan B or C or D)
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Hi Don, Actually I saw your post this morning and was intending to reply tonight to you to let you know that I haven't heard from WAW since that night. I've only met with her Mom a couple times at her house to help her with her eBay account. Ironically however WAW came strolling into my work tonight. So now I have an update ironically. b
Idon't have time to type the full update now but suffice to say WAW essentially asked ME on an actual date. I'll update you as soon as I have time. So more to come...very unexpectedly and ironically after I happened to see your post above this morning...
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Okay I'm exhausted and have to hit the hay but I'll give you a quick rundown...
Totally unexpectedly shs pops into my work tonight. She was visiting our friends I've told you about the next town over. I was getting off duty so she waited for me. While she was waiting she asked me about the new Halloween movie coming out next week. Now those of you that have been following my story thread since 2014 may remember that Halloween is mine and her favorite time of year. We always did our place up, got pumpkins, and binge watched the Halloween movie series over a weekend. So she brings up the new Halloween movie and asks if I'm going to go see it. I said of course I was. She then hinted around her and I going to see it. So I just looked at her and smirked and said so that's why you stopped by here today. She got a little nervous and fidgety after I said that. I then said " Ahhh I see what's happening herw. So you want us to see the new movie together don't you?" She said "well yes, that was our special thing." So I said okay but we're doing dinner before. She said "Maybe we can go get punpkins and carve them too." I said that's an awful lot of things to do all in one night! She said she meant carve the pumpkins a different day.
Now before we came outside I mentioned something looked different about her face. She asked in a bad way? I said no, in a different way. Well when we were outside she mentioned she was crying this morning. Of course I asked the obligatory why? She then said she went on a date last night and the guy, on a first date for whatever reason, basically said to her that he had erectile dysfunction and was fighting a drinking problem. He told her he needed her to be patient with him. She told him look, I just met you...I don't need to be patient with anything. She didn't elaborate because by now I just HAD to be a wise ass and had already interrupted her with..."A date? What happened to waiting until nexr year haha?" She said she happened upon him on some dating site. I then busted out laughing. She said "what's so funny????"
Now it was here I had enoufg bullshit from her. So I basically said these things to her over the course of a conversation... "What's so funny you ask? Well you say one week you're done with men and then the next I'm hearing about some new stooge you dig up somewhere." She laughed. I continued, "It's the same old story from you...you try dating some stiff only to find out he drinks, and they all have some sort of penis trouble hahaha!" I said, "you're establishing a pattern here...basically you complain to me about these clowns you date because they are not ME! They can't, and no one can, EVER give you the life you want...which is basically the one we both had for 18 years sans our problems that we've since rectified. It's getting stupid! I've told you before, I believe you belong with me...but I'm sure as [censored] not chasing you around and I can't force you to get your head out of your ass to see the obvious writing on the wall. Seriously WAW, this is just stupid now. You can't stay away, and now here you are, showing up at my work, trying to incite a rekindling of our Halloween traditions. Figure it out because this is stupid. Everything you've ever wanted you can have now. All I essentially hear from you is this ,"I went on a date and it sucked because he wasn't you. It's just a different date and a different name but that's always the moral of the story. It's obvious what you're suppose to be doing... getting back with me. You said it yourself when we talked R last time I saw you, it's the elephant in the room whenever we're together. You could have left it at that. Instead you show up here an hour ago. Why is that WAW? I sure know why it is, and you need to do the same. It tells me you obviously don't mind the elephant hanging with us. You know where I stand with getting back together. That's the extent of my initiation. It was you, my dear, who walked on me 4 years ago...you're just going to have to walk back if that's what you want. So I'll go see the movie, take you to dinner next Saturday after work. I'll also carve pumpkins the week after...BUT understand stand I'm not doing it to be your pal. You know my intentions and accept them. That's it WAW, that's all I got for ya'."
She replied by saying. "Yes it would be like all was right in the universe. I know a lot of people would be happy for us. Look you're right, I've often thought of you when I was on dates, saying he wouldn't give me this [censored], he wouldn't do this or that or act this way or that way. So can we just go to the movies and take it one day at a time?" I said, "yes as long as the 'it' is exploring getting back together. Not if it's to be pals. Of course we're friends, but taking you to dinner and a movie is a date." She smiled and said " I couldn't get you out of the house for 18 years and now you're taking me on dates." I replied, "well things would have to be different if we got back together, neither of us wants what was before. That's why I was telling you last time that R doesn't mean giving up, or erasing, your new lifestyle you needed to build for yourself. It's like you think it's one or the other." She then just looked at me like she was seriously considering everything I was saying about R. Hard to explain in writing but there was DEFINITELY POSITIVELY going on in her head about R...I even suspect it was before she even got to my work. There was no opposition to anything I said as there seemed to be before.
Then I had to go so I told her I'll text her sometime this week with our plans for Saturday, time, etc. I told her to think of where she wanted to go to dinner. She said okay thank you. She then said I love you and gave me a tight hug. As I was walking away I looked back and yelled "Oh and also...I mean it...think of everything I told you and get your head out of your ass and read the obvious writing on the wall as to what you should be doing." She smiled and said "I will be." And that w.as that.
This is everything I can recall but as always it's easy to forget other things that were said but I'll post if/when I remember anything. I'll also let you guys know what I've been up to, mostly working many, many hours to make some miney.
Last edited by ItHurts; 10/14/1807:33 AM. Reason: typo
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Only piece of advice, don't leave it to her on the restaurant. She picked the movie. Step up and be decisive about where to take her. From all my post BD reading this is one of the big thing that Ws find unattractive is having to make all the little decisions. So when you text her say. I've looked up movie times, we"ll go to the x o'clock showing. Also, I'll pick you up at x time so that we have time to go to x restaurant for dinner. See you at x on Saturday." Be the alpha.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
That is the best thing I’ve read all day. Four years!!! Yikes!! Way to go. Sounds really promising and you handled that exceedingly well. I’m taking notes too. Goes to show you that we really do not know what is going on in our spouse’s minds and that when we think nothing is going on because we don’t hear from them, that may actually be the time when a shift is taking place. So happy for you IH!!
Oh... and as a woman... I completely agree with Steve. Don’t leave all the decisions up to her. Have a fantastic time!!!
