I just wish I knew what the hell it was that finally lit the light bulb in her head. There was just something different about her...she didn't try to shoot down anything I said...instead she had an attitude of being open to it now.
Well we really don't know, but based on your recent posts I can see this as a scenario- she sees you and starts having feelings again, but she's not sure she wants to go there given the history. Decides to try another "date" just to see where her heart really is. Date crashes and burns in glorious fashion leaving her options extremely limited. In essence, she painted herself into a corner and now she realizes that if she keeps pushing you away that even THAT option may disappear soon. The crying was probably a release of frustrations and emotions over the whole thing. I imagine she's still confused a bit, but is starting to have some clarity of mind. I wouldn't be surprised if you posted after your date that you had some wild sex together. We'll see
I love these updates, IH! You are demonstratong strength and confidence and letting her know clearly what you want and don't want. We are all rooting for you!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
Thanks so much guys! Yeah this is all surreal to me...the stuff that made frequent appearances in my dreams over the years. R with WAW even being discussed. It's surreal. It was all so, so long ago. So long ago after she left I sat there...in our apartment home for 17 years that was suddenly a dungeon with empty walls that once displayed our many photos and memories, and moving boxes everywhere. I was alone in deep, deep, despair. This was my beloved home just a few weeks ago...now it's all blown apart. The future was nothing to me...there was no future for me without her. However, as is everything in life...the years just FLY BY. Time doesn't care if you're balling yourself into glorious unconsciousness feeling nothing but intense, powerful despair. But it's true...life keeps going and time feels like it's flying by just like it always has. Now I'm here 4 years later (and several other lifetimes later it feels like with all that's happened since she left, girlfriends, family deaths)...it's weird. So you guys with fresh bomb drops, continue to cry yourselves to sleep if you have to, whatever it takes to make another day pass, because you never, never, NEVER know what this crazy life will unfold for you down the road. You'll live a completely different life. That post-bomb life is what gives you your strength back...and that strength is what just might attract your ex back down the road. Most importantly however, that strength gets you to a place where you are very aware you can survive just fine without WAW. She will merely now be a want, not a need.
Now I'm a long ways away from considering an R with my WAW a sure thing...but from here on out if she wants to enjoy my presence it's going to be on my terms...not hers. So trust me newbies, it just won't hurt so bad anymore one day...I remember my dark days well...and now I look back and realize that this life goes by so, so fast. Another reason why I decided it was time for WAW to either get back with me or take a walk...I don't have precious time to waste and I don't want to be single forever. I'm fairly confident she is on the same page with me now...but you just never know so I'm ready for anything. So I'm putting this one to bed and sticking a fork in it... regardless of how the story will end. One way or another I'm ending it soon... either she and I get back together and move on together or she continues with this absurd "doubt" she has/had and I'll tell her I'm done and we are going our separate ways.
Last edited by ItHurts; 10/16/1804:59 AM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
IH, agreed you shouldn't be jumping the gun. But I can't help think what a great position you will be in long-term if you guys do R. Think about it, she's already seen the other side and realized that it isn't what she had built it up to be in her head! I believe that if you do R, you will have a deeply devoted W moving forward, not wanting to chance losing what she almost lost once.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I´m glad to read the news IH. I agree you did a great job when meeting XW. My advice is that you should be cautious. You know, XW knew exactly where she was going with that R talk...I think women are way smarter than men on R items...
Take care of expectations, protect yourself and stand the way you did.
Our best wishes go for you IH. We are all team ItHurts here!
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Thanks guys. So today I texted her and told her where we're going to dinner and where we're seeing the movie and what time I was picking her up. She replied with "Awesome! I'll be ready! I'm excited! Also thrilled I'm going with you. " So it looks like it's still a go for us Saturday night.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Hahahaha I don't know about all that Steve my friend but I definitely feel something is really different about her. I don't know what the hell happened since the last time I talked to her two weeks ago but she is acting so very different now. Even her reply today was exceptionally enthusiastic. I guess we'll see what happens.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Well never understand their minds. Good luck IH. I hope it works out for you and Saturday night goes great.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
Got a text from her about an hour ago saying "OMG I'm so excited to see be the new movie!" I replied with, "I'm glad. It's going to be an awesome time and we're going to have so much fun!" So I don't think we have to worry about her flaking on this date so far.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
