Gaining speed (pain18 DB story, Part V)

[Ready2Change]

Pick up the other one as well. It is cheap. I have multiple copies and pass them out as needed.

[Phoenix9]

Found a digital copy. I have some reading to do.


Short update:

W asked me if I was ok and if I was "just exhausted". I said "yep" and asked her the same Q. She also was tired but she was going to music. I told her to have fun. End convo.

I have to continually realize that my sitch, as painful as it is, could be so much worse. I am thankful that we are at least civil and are cordial, even humorous everytime we see each other.

Small steps. Marathon not sprint.

I hope this continues to true healing. I pray it does.

Thank you again, everyone. This board has been instrumental in my healing and rediscovery process.

[Phoenix9]

I am really struggling. Seven days if backtracking and I am still emotional. Any decisions or talk about our sitch will not be good.

I know I'm doing the right things. I know for sure. Why does it feel like I'm sliding backwards? Is this feeling normal?

[equalzr]

I am really struggling. Seven days if backtracking and I am still emotional. Any decisions or talk about our sitch will not be good.

I know I'm doing the right things. I know for sure. Why does it feel like I'm sliding backwards? Is this feeling normal?

Probably because your heart wants you to do the opposite of what you SHOULD be doing, your heart wants you to pursue and nice her back into the MR.

[Phoenix9]

I am really struggling. Seven days if backtracking and I am still emotional. Any decisions or talk about our sitch will not be good.

I know I'm doing the right things. I know for sure. Why does it feel like I'm sliding backwards? Is this feeling normal?

Probably because your heart wants you to do the opposite of what you SHOULD be doing, your heart wants you to pursue and nice her back into the MR.

Yep,

I feel like I SHOULD talk about MR (I should not)
I feel like I SHOULD ask her about D (I should not)
I feel like I SHOULD tell her that I cannot keep doing this (I can. Others have done it for longer)

All bad suggestions. Right?

[equalzr]

Pretty much. Setting a boundary about not living like this is a personal choice you have to make if your ok with the MR ending. If your not, then that probably isnt a boundary you should be sending.

Believe me, my heart wanted to nice my WW back into our MR for a long time. She just used my niceness to cake eat.

[Phoenix9]

Me discussing about not loving like this is approaching.

I see signs but I need to continue to DB.

[Phoenix9]

I failed.

I told W I can’t keep this up. Told her she knows what I want but I cannot control her. She says she is taking it one day at a time. It was a civil conversation but I told her that this sitch has a weight that I need off.

I know I should have kept my mouth shut. But I also sensed there is no coming back. Is it WAW thinking? I don’t know.

We’re going to talk within the next couple of weeks.

I need to talk to a lawyer. I at least need to know my rights.

This whole thing was triggered by D4 telling me W was showing affection to OM.

[Phoenix9]

To further clarify:

I did not beg. I did not guilt trip her. I risked my marriage ending to tell her this because I really want this pain to end.

If she did not know then, she knows now.

I feel so hopeless.

[equalzr]

I didnt know your D4 was around OM, not to mention they were being affectionate. These ww are so classless. At what point do we wake up and realize that we dont need these type of women in our lives?

If your truly ready to stop letting your ww cause you so much pain, then dont look back.