The party was great. It was very chilled out and we spent a lot of time laughing.
I have known most of the women for years. I met them at the school gates, went to childrens parties with them, but kept my distance. My life was my family and my work. When BD happened, I really had no-one to turn to. My MIL (who is great, but her priorities are her grandchildren first, then her son).
I didn't turn to the other mums because my personal life isn't gossip and (from reading on other forums) women seem to turn militant when a H leaves. Online, they seem full of anger. So, I pretended for a long time that everything was fine. However, I started to accept invitations to dinners as a GAL activity. And it turns out they are wonderful. They shake their heads sometimes, but they are rooting for us. I tend to use this forum as a means of working things out in my head, but they know what is going on, and are respectful of our situation. So, not much H talk at my party but that was probably what I needed.
journaling - not many GAL activities yesterday or today. Normal day to day stuff. Work, kids, a quick drink with a work buddy yesterday (diet coke). I have a school assembly to go to for D8 tomorrow and then a night out thurs to celebrate a milestone at work. Didn't see H yesterday and don't expect to see him until Thurs now. He is away with work. I am going to use his car space the next two days so assume he is telling me the truth. Sleepless night last night. Woke up at 3:30 thinking that he was probably with her. He had been texting me last night about D12. He had them over night and had dropped them off at netball (I picked them up). He started texting as soon as he got home. He is having problems with her and wants me to start checking her phone. He didn't respond to my last text, and as he had been so quick with his responses before that, I was sure it was because she had turned up in the middle of our text exchange. In the light of day, I realise how stupid this is. I got upset because I expected him to continue with the exchange. There are a million reasons he didn't respond and, yes one of them could have to do with her, but there is no point worrying about it, because there is FA I can do.
It is my actual b-day tomorrow. D8 let slip that they had gone shopping with daddy to get me a present. Which is nice (though I think more of his guilt driven niceness). Tomorrow will be the first morning in 16 years that I have not woken up next to him on my b-day (he always booked the day off). It will be tough. But I survived our wedding anniversary so guess I can survive this.
I didn't realise how hard my first birthday alone was going to be. We have a birthday tradition, where my H and the kids bring me breakfast in bed. We all then sit on the bed and open my presents together. Earlier this evening D8 asked me not to wake up first. Daddy had told them to carry on with the tradition. My kids aren't great at getting up on their own, and as it's a school day I was worried about running late so I said "how about I wake you up and then I'll get back into bed and you can bring me breakfast". D8 said no, that I am supposed to stay in bed, and stupidly, before I could stop myself I said "But honey, Daddy's not going to be here this year to wake you".
D8 looked at me with her big eyes, and D12 looked down. Another reminder of the damage that's been done.
So, in the morning I will put on a happy face for the kids. Tell them how proud of them I am for making me breakfast on their own. I will open my presents (which H bought partly because he feels guilty, and mostly because he knows it would hurt the kids if they didn't have anything to give me), give them great big hugs and say "I love them". I will not be disappointed when H doesn't text or call wish me a happy birthday.
I know the rules say don't text unless its to do with the kids but I think I will text him at some point to say thank you for the presents, because that is what I would do if a work colleague or casual acquaintance did something nice for me.
Happy Birthday FS. Really hope it goes better than you anticipate it will. Try to focus on who IS there instead of who isn't. I know it is hard... it is SO hard. This is such a rollercoaster ride, isn't it. Like you ... I have good days... some really good days... but then something happens... an occasion or something seemingly insignificant that reminds me life is not the same as it was. Of course it wasn't when my H was lying to me either... but I didn't know it - not really. So it was easier to deal with. At this moment, I am aware that my H is nervously anticipating a job interview that happens in about an hour. If things were normal, I would have texted him a "good luck" and "you got this" pep talk. I'm sure he expects it. But...I've told myself no texts this week unless he reaches out first or I have business to discuss. So...I'm sitting here feeling quite uneasy...I know full well that it is him who has abandoned me but in this moment, I feel like I have abandoned him. Anyway... just wanted to reach out and give you some support. Try to enjoy your day. Hug those beautiful kids of yours. Do something nice for yourself. There is life after all of this even if it is tough to see right now. It will be a good one. (((HUGS)))
D12 got up at 6:30 (unheard of) to make me breakfast this morning. I heard her sneaking around downstairs, but knowing how excited she probably was, resisted the urge to go downstairs and help her. Plus, I was snuggled in bed with D8, who had snuck on around half an hour before. When she eventually came in, they both cuddled me and said happy birthday and we opened my presents and cards together. D8's was full of reasons why she loved me ("you make me smile", "you make biscuits with me", etc) , whilst D12 said that "I am the way I am, because of you'. H had obviously spent time with them picking the cards out because they perfectly summed up the relationship I have with the both of them.
From my H i got an amazon echo dot (impersonal) and from the girls (which is also from H) a really expensive jumper (not so impersonal ...). They were nice presents, and a pleasant surprise. I think H encouraged the tradition and bought the presents more for the girls then for me, but it was nice of him non the less.
I was unsure whether to send a text to say thank you or not, I wanted to, but was worried that it fell into pursuing. However, I didn't have to wait long because he text me at 9:15.
H: Happy Birthday !!! Hope the girls are spoiling you rotten. Have a great day !!! M: Thank you M: D12 made me breakfast. Thank you for the presents. The girls were very excited giving them to me.
It went on for a bit. Him asking me how the girls were, particularly D12 who has been playing up on him lately. I said she is fine, and just going through some stuff.
I took your advise DeJaVu and bought a birthday present for myself. It is a new dress and I am thinking of wearing it tomorrow when H picks me up to take me to the station. It is tighter than I normally wear to work, but, as I am in the best shape of my life (I am a size 4) figure it is worth letting him see what he is missing. Left work early to watch D8's school assembly (adorable) and caught up for a chat with a couple of the mums. I have made more of an effort to get to know the other mums and it has been worth it.
Sounds like your morning has gone much better than anticipated and you are rocking a great attitude... and new dress!!! I'm so glad you did that for yourself!! I have no doubt your H will notice. :-)
I see from your use of the word "jumper" that you are definitely in the UK somewhere. My H has family in that neck of the woods and they use that word all of the time. So you are probably about eight hours ahead of me as I am just into hour two of my work day.
I live just outside London. I am Australian though and H is British. I met him here while i was traveling (post uni, pre real life gap year), 3 months into my travels, i met H and we moved in together 3 months after that.
Happy Birthday! Yeah, not sure if it's part of DB, but I always dress up in the nice, new clothes I bought since I'm in the best shape I've been in since college. I guess it's part of always being attractive, but it probably goes against detaching because she's still in my head.
I'm on the west coast of Canada. An Australian and a Brit?? Those are my favourite accents...lol. Hope you thoroughly enjoy the rest of your birthday!!!
i rocked the dress.. Dont think it is enough to trigger a reconciliation, but he definately noticed. He would be blind not to have noticed.
Had a lovely evening with friends. Again, never would have happened pre-break up, but since he is nor around to passively aggeeasiveky express his displeasure at my having drinks with male work colleagues (nothing in it btw) I was able to relax and just have a nice time.
I am still not overly comfortable with the GAL thing (it feels forced at times) and it seems to cement that we are sepaeate but the rational side of me sees the sense - not for him, not for us, but for me.
Anyway... just wanted to reach out and give you some support. Try to enjoy your day. Hug those beautiful kids of yours. Do something nice for yourself. There is life after all of this even if it is tough to see right now. It will be a good one. (((HUGS)))