....The entire funeral was really around not getting to properly say goodbye..
I lost my brother to a lightning strike a little over 20 years ago. We were out this weekend (karaoke) and one of the ladies sang wish you were here by pink Floyd. His music. I was crying. My lady held me. The pain still shows up.
Everyone reading this please forgive your spouse. Let them go. Love them.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
(((Steve))) I am sorry for everything that you are going through. Remember to give yourself the same love and care that you give to others. You are such a brave and generous soul. I genuinely believe that you will find some brighter light down the road after this dark, dark time. (((Hugs)))
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
Thank you Blu! I appreciate that!! R2C sorry about your brother. That had to be hard.
I'm happy my friend didn't suffer, don't get me wrong, just wish I could have said goodbye.
On another note entirely, work has blocked divorcebusting.com "due to a known threat". Which means my time here will be more limited moving forward. I'll hotspot from my phone a couple of times a day to catch up, but if you notice my time here being less that's why.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve you are a pillar of strength on this forum, you have supported and provided sound advice for so many of us. I am so sorry about your friend, I do hope things on the personal front sort out soon. You are in my prayers, thank you for being you, hugs
So I've been having anxious feeling moments now and again when I wake up in the middle of the night. Most of this is stemming from stress:
1) Work has been stressful. Nothing out of the ordinary but coupled with the rest of this list it is just on top of. 2) Selling old house. Gone slower than we had thought and hoped. I did plan for such an eventuality so we have plenty of savings to cover, and a plan long term (refinancing, potentially renting it out, etc) 3) Daughter. (More on that later, but things are actually a little better there.) 4) Marriage. Just feel like we've neglected things in wake of everything else. 5) New house. Many things we want to do but want to wait until the old house sells to make sure we are financially secure long term.
I'll skip work except to say my co-manager of our team got promoted and I had to cover both his and my responsibilities until the back-fill started. Even after he started he is still in ramp up mode so I am still handling the bulk of things. Should improve over time and I have lots of time off coming in Nov. and Dec.
Selling the old house. We've had plenty of interest, but either the potential buyers can't get preapproved for the amount. Or they seem to be ready to make an offer and then disappear (found something else maybe?). We missed the height of the market in May, June and July. By time it went on in August things had started to cool in the industry due to other factors. It will sell, and we will be able to do things we want and need to do, but it will be nice when it finally happens.
Daughter. Well things are better, she is trying harder to be less disrespectful. Started mostly with me, but eventually she was even doing it to my W. We started to be very stringent on punishment, especially taking her phone away. So she has been behaving better. One thing that is bugging me, when she wants something she gets much more sweet and we see flashes of her pre-teen behavior. But then after she gets what she wants she goes back to surly teenager. That manipulation is concerning to me, though it isn't abnormal.
New house I pretty much covered in the comment in the list so last one:
Marriage. Nothing to report negatively, but with the move, and selling the old house, and dealing with a teenager, and all that has been going on, we just haven't been focusing much on it. Haven't done MC since June due to the move. We still do date night/lunch once a week. But that biweekly counseling session was another nice getaway that we are missing. I mentioned the other night that once the house sells we'll have to schedule another MC session. She seemed surprised by that. I explained that I learned a lot about myself and wanted to make sure I was still improving and being the best H and father I could be. She seemed to appreciate that and said that she would be happy to go again once the house sold.
This morning, I approached her (I am working from home today) and mentioned that since we hadn't had a session in so long that I wanted to make sure she felt secure and safe in bringing up things she thought we/I needed to address or work on. She said she coudn't think of any, and that we were both stressed by the house situation, and once that was settled she thought we'd be in a good place. That everything we want to feels like it is on hold for now. It was a very good, open dialogue. Very positive. Ended with her saying I love you, and then I went and kissed and hugged her and said ILY2.
So that is where we are. Things are still good, I just need to keep making sure I am doing my part in everything.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
All looks great Steve. I love that you are making sure you are always checking yourself. Also that you are trying to sure your marriage is solid, that your wife has an open and safe way to communicate. All great stuff!
Keep up the good work and I am so very happy for you and your family!
M51 W44 T21 M18 D14 S11 BD date 9/17 W filed 02/18 W withdrew petition following week In house separation 03/18 In Limbo and DB'ing since 03/18 W is moving out by mid Nov 2018 A drawing up paperwork 11/18
