I wanted to write to you this weekend, but I didnt have my laptop and figured it would be a pain on the phone.
Funny, I was wondering if maybe you just take a break from this place on weekends. But there were a couple times I thought to myself, "what would Amoafwl say" so I think I'm making a little tiny bit of progress.
Originally Posted by Amoafwl
To me, it sounds like you are scared and frustrated and want SOME kind of resolution whatever it may be.
Yeah. And what it is changes form moment to moment. Usually in the morning it's "I want this pain to stop." By the afternoon it's "I want what I had." And by the evening its "I am so angry at her, I want her to suffer and I want to replace her with someone new as soon as possible."
Of course none of those things are things I can just "think away." And it takes time. And so forth. So I walk on.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
To me, it sounds like you are scared and frustrated and want SOME kind of resolution whatever it may be.
Yeah. And what it is changes form moment to moment. Usually in the morning it's "I want this pain to stop." By the afternoon it's "I want what I had." And by the evening its "I am so angry at her, I want her to suffer and I want to replace her with someone new as soon as possible."
Of course none of those things are things I can just "think away." And it takes time. And so forth. So I walk on.
I think the bolded part is so important. Right now, you are in such a state of disarra that you cant even keep track of what you want. Thats why what Vapo said to you is so meaningful. There is no point to randomly picking one of those paths to down. And ruminating and focusing on figuring out which path to take is like spinning your wheels in a mudbank. Take this GIFT of time you have been given and just live for a while. Accept that there may not be any resolution until there is. Accept that there are questions you may never know the answers to.
Focus on your goals. And on the GAL activities you seem to be enjoying. It sounds like there is a lot of potential in store. Dont rush just to get to the end.
Yeah. And what it is changes form moment to moment. Usually in the morning it's "I want this pain to stop." By the afternoon it's "I want what I had." And by the evening its "I am so angry at her, I want her to suffer and I want to replace her with someone new as soon as possible."
My cousin, going through a painful/tumultuous separation divorce at the moment that is NOT of his choosing, has indicated to me that he feels all of these things. Very strongly. And cant get past them. Just kept going by his old place and going by his old place and calling and calling etc etc even though STBXW wanted him to leave her alone.
His parole violation hearing was this past Friday and my aunt bailed him out on Saturday. Trial in three weeks.
Restraining orders can be such a b***h.
Keep GAL-ing, forget the wench, and be glad you're not my cousin. (Hopefully.)
Seriously, though, you're doing much better these days (and i don't see you going down the same road as my cousin-- unless you have a couple of priors and are on parole after getting busted for cooking meth... you're not, right? ... i just thought it make you feel better by comparison ). Anyway, good dynamic with you getting out... There are people out there who will like and want to be around you... probably lots of such people, but you'll never find them by sitting around moping.
Keep up the forward progress!!!
Last edited by hoosjim; 10/22/1810:06 PM.
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
It’s funny, it doesn’t feel like progress at all. Maybe you outside observers have a better perspective. At this point I’m frankly just annoyed at myself for allowing her to continue invading my thoughts. I feel stagnant. I guess being calm is better than spinning, but it all feels like a kind of failure. And maybe that’s because I’m impatient and I need to be thinking more long-term. I mean at this point I’m comfortable just letting things be. But it’s interesting to me that suddenly people are saying “You’ll find someone nice,” rather than, “You have a chance at repairing your M.” Guess I was a little too late for that. Or not? Maybe the “progress” is the fact that I’m starting to let things be rather than trying desperately to make something happen. But I’ve already done so, so much damage.
And yet here I am, not D yet, so I can’t say I haven’t “busted” anything, but who knows what tomorrow will bring.
What a very bizarre mix of hope and despair. But I know what I need to do, and I know it will be good for me in the long run I think. This would be so much easier if I still lived in the city. Not an excuse, just an observation.
Random thoughts. Tomorrow is a new day.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
Yep, your not alone in this. There is a bunch of us in very similar situations, and some of ours are even worse. I agree, its crazy how similar our sitches are.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
Thanks guys. It’s true, I get mopey in the evenings. But I know we’re all in the same boat. Well, more like...a bunch of different-colored kayaks that we all rented at the same shady lakefront shack, and they didn’t give us any paddles. And we’re floating in the middle of the lake. Ha! So anyway, hey, since it scks that we all have to be here, we might as well just float, have a beer or two, and then. And then! Then we put our hands and feet in the water and start getting those kayaks back to shore.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
I am sorry you are all in the kayaks.....There are new powerboats on the shore with your names on them. First one there gets to pick the color they want!
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Thanks guys. It’s true, I get mopey in the evenings. But I know we’re all in the same boat. Well, more like...a bunch of different-colored kayaks that we all rented at the same shady lakefront shack, and they didn’t give us any paddles. And we’re floating in the middle of the lake. Ha! So anyway, hey, since it scks that we all have to be here, we might as well just float, have a beer or two, and then. And then! Then we put our hands and feet in the water and start getting those kayaks back to shore.
Yeah we are all there in the same lake. I had two solid weeks of GAL and steps towards detachment, was feeling good about myself, sleeping well, exercising. Then bang she wants to spend the weekend with me, thinks I moved on, a lot of talking and fooling around, drunken I'm sorries and please for help....and yeah I took the bait. Monday rolls in and now Tuesday and its like she goes right back to her routine, independence, doesn't have to answer to anyone and strong as can be.
It does teach you a lot about yourself, need the strength not just for theses sitches but for life. I decided to pick up NMMNG to read a second time last night after slipping a bit this weekend.
Hang in there bud!
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
... i just thought it make you feel better by comparison 
). Anyway, good dynamic with you getting out... There are people out there who will like and want to be around you... probably lots of such people, but you'll never find them by sitting around moping. 