Agreed but I haven't heard from her again yet about this talk. Strange. I don't know what's going on with her. Very strange she'd say that and then just disappear like she did. Also wondering why she asked me where I was at that time. Something's going on with her.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Hi there Nicole, Well I'm pretty sure I know what she's going to say...seems kind of obvious to me really. I'm just prepping my reply at this point to best make it crystal clear to her that R is all I'm interested in as far as her being in my life.
IH, let me ask you this. What can you possibly say to her that you didn't say here:
Quote
"you're establishing a pattern here...basically you complain to me about these clowns you date because they are not ME! They can't, and no one can, EVER give you the life you want...which is basically the one we both had for 18 years sans our problems that we've since rectified. It's getting stupid! I've told you before, I believe you belong with me...but I'm sure as [censored] not chasing you around and I can't force you to get your head out of your ass to see the obvious writing on the wall. Seriously WAW, this is just stupid now. You can't stay away, and now here you are, showing up at my work, trying to incite a rekindling of our Halloween traditions. Figure it out because this is stupid. Everything you've ever wanted you can have now. All I essentially hear from you is this ,"I went on a date and it sucked because he wasn't you. It's just a different date and a different name but that's always the moral of the story. It's obvious what you're suppose to be doing... getting back with me. You said it yourself when we talked R last time I saw you, it's the elephant in the room whenever we're together. You could have left it at that. Instead you show up here an hour ago. Why is that WAW? I sure know why it is, and you need to do the same. It tells me you obviously don't mind the elephant hanging with us. You know where I stand with getting back together. That's the extent of my initiation. It was you, my dear, who walked on me 4 years ago...you're just going to have to walk back if that's what you want. So I'll go see the movie, take you to dinner next Saturday after work. I'll also carve pumpkins the week after...BUT understand stand I'm not doing it to be your pal. You know my intentions and accept them. That's it WAW, that's all I got for ya'."
Brother, the time for talking is over. You already said it all, it's right ^^^THERE^^^ You had your date after this convo and she stuffed you firmly back into the friendzone. No more talking, you need to go well and truly dark on her. Don't reply to ANYTHING. I'd suggest blocking her on your phone and all social media. If she wants to talk to you bad enough she'll figure out a way, and at that point you can tell her "I said what I needed to say and you've made your intentions clear, there's nothing more to discuss." You're trying to "nice" her back and that just never, ever works.
Agreed but I haven't heard from her again yet about this talk. Strange. I don't know what's going on with her. Very strange she'd say that and then just disappear like she did. Also wondering why she asked me where I was at that time. Something's going on with her.
Honestly, who cares. She's got issues, you'll never figure her out.
That's why you should have went for it when you were giving her the massage. If she rejected your advances you could have had the convo, walked out the door and never looked back. Playing it safe never works.
Well the reason I am even going to talk to her at all is because I am going to just point blank ask her if she has any desire to get back together. If she says no then yes, you can bet I am GONE right then and there. The trouble with the last convo that day at my work was it was rushed. I want to be off duty from work without interruptions and just listen to what she has to say. But make no mistake...if I don't hear what I want to hear from her she'll see darkness alright... you have no idea just how dark I plan to go let me tell you. Believe it. But I am going to make her come right out and either say she's open to working on a new relationship with me or she doesn't see it happening. I want a definitive answer and that answer will determine my action. This wondering where she's at is going to end one way or another with this little talk.
As far as going for it during the massage I've said it once and I'm not saying it again...it would have been a horrible idea. I follow my instincts when I am with her regarding sexual advances after living with her for 20 years...not yours. I've already addressed this a few posts back and I absolutely do not regret that decision in hindsight.
Last edited by ItHurts; 10/23/1809:39 PM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Brother, the time for talking is over. You already said it all, it's right ^^^THERE^^^ You had your date after this convo and she stuffed you firmly back into the friendzone. No more talking, you need to go well and truly dark on her. Don't reply to ANYTHING. I'd suggest blocking her on your phone and all social media. If she wants to talk to you bad enough she'll figure out a way, and at that point you can tell her "I said what I needed to say and you've made your intentions clear, there's nothing more to discuss." You're trying to "nice" her back and that just never, ever works.
Well just to be clear, I am not 100% sure that she is not interested in R. That's my point in my last post. I don't want to hear "Let's just sit on this for awhile." That's too vague for my acceptance. I want to hear "No, I don't want to R and I don't see it as a possibility. I only want your friendship." THAT is what I want to hear to be sure. I haven't heard that yet from her but I'm going to give her no choice but to answer definitively. Telling me she wants us to "sit on this for awhile" can mean anything and that is not acceptable to me. So this is why there needs to be one more R talk. She's going to decide once and for all... definitively. No more BS. So yes your plan is my plan AS, I am just one more step away from executing that plan for the above reasons. There will be no doubt anymore. If she says she wants to just be friends and doesn't see R happening then that's when I tell her that our friendship isn't going to work and things should go back to the way they were before she ever reached out to me to begin with back in March. She goes her way and I go mine...and I'll also let her know I don't want texts or visits at work unless she decides to R. Otherwise stay far away from me. It will essentially be a good bye to her next time I see her unless she surprised me with some ephiphany she had. I want to know, definitively and without question before I walk away from this. I will be at peace that way without living with the doubt of whether I overreacted. So this is for me...for closure so I can keep on L-I-V-I-N' without doubts.
Last edited by ItHurts; 10/24/1806:15 AM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Thatīs understandable IH. Thatīs why I said you need to have a little more patience. I agree with you and everybody: you need to have the talk and get some answers. itīs for your own sake.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Yeah neffer. The problem with that convo when she came to my work thay day was it was totally unplanned. The conversation was a rushed one, standing in a busy parking lot at my work freezing. There needs to be a more quiet and appropriate convo. As I said, it's the moment of truth for her. She's going to have to give me a direct answer to this specific question so I can make my decision accordingly..."WAW, do you see us moving towards possible R or are you content just being friends?" Her answer to that question will determine what my course of action will be. If she says she's open to it and taking it slow...then great, I'll keep dating her. If she says she not interested in R and doesn't see it as a possibility then I tell her that we are on different pages and there's no point in spending time together anymore...that we should just go back to the way things were and live our separate lives. I'll wish her well, tell her not to contact me at all unless she wants to R and then I go dark. Then that's it. Either way this limbo is ending.
Last edited by ItHurts; 10/24/1804:46 PM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
