There is no line of crap she can give me. It's going to be a direct question requiring a direct answer. I'm not tolerating any vague answer. "WAW, do you see us R or not?" If she says any crap other than yes of no then I I ask again and tell her it's a yes or no answer.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
IH:WAW: do you see us R or not? WAW: Yes, but I want to take it slow.
Then the same friend zone $hit keeps happening that's been going on since March. You say something about no romance and she says I thought we were taking this slow?
Nope because if she says take it slow then my follow up will be..."Well taking it slow towards R means I'm not accepting little lame peck kisses. You're going to have to SHOW ME from now on. Little useless peck kisses is not moving towards R WAW. If you are serious then I expect to see progression towards a romantic relationship. If you can't accommodate this then I don't believe you." She's not getting away with wiggling out of the issue. Definitive and solid answers only and definitive and solid ACTIONS to follow. I'm deadly serious here...I'm not settling for anything less from her. And if she does say she wants to take it slow, than she'd better be prepared to seriously kiss me THAT night when I leave or it's a deal breaker. She's going to prove it to me. I intend to be pulling out of her driveway having romantically kissed her or having said good bye. In other words if there's no romance then we're not working towards R in my head and that's just a friendship...and she will be made to understand that.
Last edited by ItHurts; 10/24/1805:10 PM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
I get that IH, but I am in complete agreement with LH, she doesn't know what she wants and you are never going to get a black and white answer out of her, only fuzzy shades of grey. I'm still of the opinion that you don't even give her that opportunity to drag it out even longer, you just go dark NOW. I mean I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't tell you "yes I am interested in a possible recon" and then follows it up with more pecks on the cheek, friendly hugs and such. And then every time you push for more you get "I'm just not ready for that yet, I need more time."
What's also weird to me is if she is telling the truth and hasn't had $ex in along time and is basically in her prime, why wouldn't she want to have a roll in the hay with you just based on familiarity and size lol? If it's ok to hangout and do stuff I would think it would be ok for casual $ex.
The only thing that makes sense is she doesn't want to give you the wrong impression. In essence, she already knows where she stands on recon.
The one thing that I have come to realize if my W ever wanted to recon is that I will not tolerate indecisiveness and her taking direct action. I second LH and AS in what they have said. You're going to get a lukewarm response from her. The fuzziness and the shades of grey are way beyond what you've said you want, and I am with you on that.
Until she knows what she wants and comes at you direct, this is all a huge waste of your time. You have already told her straight up what you want, and she has not. She needs to work out whatever her hesitation is and that can't be on your time and dime.
After that message, she basically went dark on you. It's your turn now. Just do it and don't look back unless she comes at you straight.
You know I guess that's an angle I never really considered here. Maybe WAW isn't even sure what she wants with us...I seem to have it in my head that she has it all sorted already and it's just a matter of her leveling with me. However maybe you guys are right...maybe she has no idea what she wants. In that respect she probably doesn't have a definitive answer to give me even if I do corner her for a definitive answer. If that's the case then yes, I agree she needs to figure that out on her own time without me aroind at all. The trouble with me going dark right now is that we have these plans to spend Halloween together so I'm not sure how to handle that now. Should I just blow her off and not reply to her when she texts about it and just go ahead and make other plans now for that night? Too bad the plan wasn't just the movie. I just wonder if she'll even know why I suddenly stopped talking to her... there really was no prelude to it as I wanted there to be...mainly me telling her unless she decides to R, we need to cut ties. Just doing now seems a bit untimely. I never came right out and told her that I don't want to see her anymore unless she decides to R.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Keep the Halloween plans and make a decisive move. Her response will tell you all you need to know. Commit now to living with how it goes, regardless of how it goes.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
