World is upside down right now

[othstr]

So, I went back to work yesterday after 3 month maternity leave. It was actually pretty nice, minus the waking up early part, to start to get back to some normalcy that I am familiar with. Everyone was very excited to see me and asked how S is doing. I just jumped right back into teacher mode and had a good day. I joined boot camp class again after being off for 3 months, it felt great to work out with no pregnancy restrictions! The trainer is awesome and knows my sitch and wants me to bring S so that I can continue to come. He hangs out in the car seat or on a mat and then she'll go over and hold him for the rest of the class. I can't ask for more than that. Everyone adores him there

A sort of revelation I had yesterday. One of my colleagues told me I was glowing, and not in a new mom way, something about me was different, a good different. I realized I was smiling the majority of the day, and that felt really good. But, after thinking about it, and talking with a friend, I am just so proud of myself and it really shows. I have gone through the ringer, more than once it seems, and I'm still alive, and I'd say thriving. 99% of my life right now is great, and it feels good.

I then think about H's life and wonder how much of his life is great, I can pretty much guarantee it's not even close to 99%, and that makes me smile.

I did have a few questions I had posted earlier if anyone has any insight on them.

[othstr]

Quick question. How long is the longest a WS has been gone before they returned, that you know of? I know limerance lasts about 1-2 years. If they make it through limerance and realize it is no longer a good R, return to S, are you still considered a plan B? My H moved out and is living with OW, will be a year in May. Just curious if I would be a plan B if he decided to return after being with her for "so long."

Happy Friday, all! I'm ready for the weekend!

[LH19]

My friends parents got back together after 35 years apart.

If he knows you know you are plan B and are ok with it, I doubt you are his plan B. Maybe more like C or D.

[joejoe1]

Othstr,

Are you his plan B? Why ask a question about being his plan B if you are willing to accept being it. Will he come back? Nobody can answer that, and the longest time frame, is usually answered by the LBS. The sooner the LBS move on with their life, the shorter a return time frame becomes.

I'm saying all those things above, because, if he returns (returns makes it sounds like he has went missing). Let's try the wording of, if he starts to get curious about you again, you won't be a plan B. He won't have a plan B. He will just have a plan and that will be you. Because, he knows you won't be waiting and didn't wait around for him. You moved along with your life and healed yourself.

You are only a plan B, if you represent yourself as a plan B.

You are a plan A, and your Ex won't approach in the future when no plan B BS, if you are representing yourself like a plan A. And if he tried you would quickly shoot that plan B BS in the face.

[othstr]

I reread my post and realized how it sounded. I definitely don't/won't represent myself as a plan B, I want him to WANT to come back, not just come back because things didn't work out with OW. And I will (try) to do the things that don't make me look like a plan B. I want to be the plan A.

[AnotherStander]

My friends parents got back together after 35 years apart.

Holy shiznatz that's got to be a record!! I have a coworker who remarried his ex after 10 years apart but 35, wow!

[LH19]

Yep. He remarried and his second W passed about 5 years ago and then they got back together about 3 years ago. Still live in different houses but see each other every day.

[othstr]

We went and got our taxes done this morning. There was a sign that said something to the effect of: when something feels good but you know it is wrong, it will soon feel bad. When something feels good and it is good, your feelings will only increase. Not sure if H read it while sitting there for an hour, but I would have to assume so. Also, as we were leaving, the tax man said, I really hope you guys work things out. I’ve been there 3 times, it’s [censored], a lot! I think this is the first time, at least that I know of, that someone has outwardly “encouraged” our R.

He is here visiting S now. I’ve got things to do around the house and it’s pouring outside. So I’m here and trying to stay in other rooms. Planning on hanging out with friends this evening. And I really want a nap while he’s here

[othstr]

Some journaling and some questions.

First off, I am feeling really good. I feel like I am GALing like a boss. Last night, I took S to a comedy improv show. He was so intrigued by the show and all the movements and different voices and music that was happening, and I really enjoyed it too! My brother and his family are coming in town and staying at my house, so I'm getting the house ready for them, they come in late tonight. Tomorrow we are going to the zoo with the entire family and having game night after that. Saturday I am going to a family wedding. Throw in exercise and boot camp class, I feel great! Monday, back to work after spring break. I am definitely growing myself and looking forward to the summer and being able to do so many fun things with S.

Even thought I am doing so well, at least I feel I am, I do have moments where I can't help but think about him. Sometimes something sets me off, other times, it's just my mind thinking. I had an interesting trigger today. I went with my friend who is looking for a bridesmaid dress, to a wedding dress shop. I agreed and didn't think anything of it. Well, walked in, saw all the wedding dresses, pictures of happy couples, had my mind going a little crazy. There were people trying on wedding dresses looking very happy, my thoughts were, good luck, hope it lasts for you, and you think you know him, you might not. I don't like thinking like that and being so negative, but they just popped up. I tried to concentrate on S, who was with me, and my friend. It didn't drag me down too much, but just enough.

I had asked before what I should tell people that ask if I've started the divorce process before, any thoughts? First off, it's none of their business, why do you need to ask. But, I have just answered, I'm not emotionally there yet. That normally shuts them up. This is not a regular question, but it has happened a handful of times.

Here's my big question. S is 3 months, H has taken him once before, he is taking him this Saturday. He lives with OW and that is where he takes him. What are your thoughts on asking to meet OW and seeing where S is spending time. If I were letting anyone else take him to their house, I'd see where they live and meet the others that live in the house. Or, is this kind of saying I am giving you "permission" or what you are doing is ok with me. Any thoughts??

[othstr]

Also, what are the point of temp checks for the WS? He messaged me twice in one week, one about Alex Trebek, we both love Jeopardy, and one about a funicular in France. I kind of get the Alex message as he is sick, but the France one is way out of left field...