Equalzr's WW. Still accepting advice! Pt 3

[equalzr]

I would say 1 each.

Technically the home is in her name and belongs to her. Shes being spiteful and trying to make drama to reinforce her idea of me being a bad husband shes getting rid of. So she has both stalls now....just wondering am i within my rights to keep some of mortgage payment to help fund a storage garage until i move. Really if money wasnt an issue, i wouldnt worry about it. Maybe i should leave it alone since not contributing enough was her complaint. I know shes using me at this point big time and cake eating, so thats why im hesitant. My IC asked last week "do you think shes using you?", and i told her i absolutely know she is at this point. I think my IC was just wondering if i ciuld actually figure it out on my own because its so obvious.

[Rose888]

If the home is in her name, I feel like you need to consult with an attorney to understand if you are within your legal rights.

[equalzr]

Ill ask L this week.

[equalzr]

I was doing some reading and found some interesting information. Im learning about respect and how it is earned by a man from a woman. That said, upon some of my reading, i came across articles that said when the man starts doing the majority of the housework, the woman loses respect for him. The basis was that the man should focus mainly on his career and achieving success there, and then help the woman with housework sometimes. Basically saying the woman admires and is attracted to a man who strives for success.

I have definitely taken on the lions share of house work throughout my MR. All this time i thought i was helping my W out by picking up more and more of the chores, was i really losing her respect? I'd say in recent years ive done 95% of dishes, 95% of the laundry, any ironing that needed to be done, and now do 50% of the cooking. My W got all the groceries, did 50% of the cooking, and did the larger portion of the cleaning.

Id like to hear from you ladies and gents, does a man lose respect from his wife by taking on too much of the housework? Are a man's priorities chasing success above all else? Im using this info for self growth. There are areas in my life ive learned that i need growth and development in thanks to my Sitch, and i dont plan on coming out the other side the same person. If i dont become a better man from this, then that would be a damn shame!

[equalzr]

^^^^Thoughts??

[Terapin]

Hey Eq. I'm curious about this too. I always thought I did my fair share around the house, but that was/is still one of her biggest complaints (that I didn't).

Since we now seem to be working towards saving the M, I've been doing much more of the housework. W says that she appreciates it, and it meets her main love language (acts of service). But I do worry about the respect aspect of it, especially long term

[LH19]

The basis was that the man should focus mainly on his career and achieving success there, and then help the woman with housework sometimes. Basically saying the woman admires and is attracted to a man who strives for success.

E,

Yes that's how you earn their respect by focusing on your mission and your purpose. Part of the problem is most woman don't even know what they respond to or are attracted to. It's the same reason they go for the bad boys when logically speaking they know they are not right for them. They make decisions based on emotions not logic. Attraction is an emotion and it is not a choice.

[neffer]

Even though we have evolved and we are homo sapiens very sophisticated we carry our baggage of past behaviors. Like answering why men like women´s curves. Women expect we get them protection, food and children. It´s in our genes. Things have changed a lot but many ancient behaviors follow us submerged on the unfathomable depths of our minds.

[Twofeet]

It probably depends on the sitch and the person. My W always complained that I didn't do enough or wants 50/50. When I did do enough or more than enough it t was either a) not good enough b) still not enough or c)was unappreciated, unnoticed, and expected. My W LL is also AoS, but LL can be used against you when the spouse sees them as an expectation rather than a gift of love.

I am not sure how you cannot have drive and success and still maintain or help maintain a household. Would it be any different if you were S or M?

[lost8]

EQ, I am in the same boat with the household duties. My WW used to work at home until 7 years ago and ever since I picked up more of the load because I had the flex time and picked up S from school daily. Her job out of the house and the security of knowing I am there has allowed her to roam freely which could be part of the problem because she by no means has been acting like a mom over the last few years.

I am no longer doing her laundry and basically food shop for myself and S and do not participate in cleaning the third level where her room and Ss room is. I basically do for me and my S but have noticed on days when I have been GAL and have come home late she has cleaned kitchen and said she likes doing it. I am doing my best to leave her the opportunity to do more to see if that will help her reengage but I can def see her loss of respect because of the amount of responsibilities I had taken on.